The rest of the letters comes 'aughter' it.
Sitting down having dinner with my wife and girls (1,3,4) and my three year old says “Do you know what my baby does?!” And she made her doll do a backflip on the table. And almost as if instinct, I said “well do you know what my baby does?! MY BABY TAKES THE MORNING TRAIN...” and I hit them with the whole of Sheena Eastons song during dinner.
It was perfect.
After reading it, the authorities all agreed that it was a killer joke.
... can he then be accused of manslaughter?
It was manslaughter!
Yeah, especially when using the same recycled joke 50 million times.
I guess some people cant stand jokes
The ha-spital.
C
They are sigh-lent but Dadly.
the rest of the letters come aughter it.
Unless it's 3 am in your house and you don't have children.
We are all doomed!
It’s a rotten experience.
"Get off my mother's grave, NOW!"
Bro 1: Anything happen while i was gone? Bro 2: (who thinks he can speak spanish) nada thing.
What are fish that star in movies called?
Starfish
How do you tuna fish?
Adjust their scales
What do you tell a fish when its overreacting?
You need to clam down
That's enough fish puns for today
We should scale back
“That’s not mature is it”
Him: Did you hear about the famous scientist who was also a father and a cannibal?
Me: confused stare
Him: Thomas Ate-his-son.
In gigglewatts.
Sooooo... my oldest daughter curled her sister's hair this weekend... on the way home I started waving at her until she looked at me and asked me what I was doing... I told her that her hair was all wavy so I was waving back. She had the usual split second involuntary smile at the the corners of her mouth before she gave me a you-son-of-a-@#$%!-look ( http://imgur.com/D0UHimq )... because my kids refuse to acknowledge how funny I am... I laughed... and laughed...and I'm still laughing about it today...
So there was a high school dance and at that dance there was a boy with a wooden eye and a girl with a hair lip. The boy walks over to her and asks her if she would like to dance. "Oh would I!", she says. He responds saying, "shut up hair lip!"
My family and I are going to Greek Town this weekend
Dad - "What do you normally get at Greek restaurants?"
Me - "I dunno, I look at the menu and it is all Greek to me."
I work in a hospital. I was working with a patient who had a few injuries on only the left side of his body. Just before I left his room, the sentence "You know, if we just cut off the left side of your body, you'll be all right." slipped out of my mouth. The nurses all looked at me with disappointment.
A man gets into a very serious car accident on the highway and has to be rushed to the hospital. After he comes to, he is told that his whole left side is paralyzed and likely won't ever work again. To this the man said "well doctor, how am i supposed to live?" to which the doctor replied "don't worry sir, you'll be All Right."
Playing soccer with my 8 year old brother (I'm sortve like an uncle to him) when he then says his eye is hurting.
Me: Really are you okay?
Him: Yeah it's alright. It happens sometimes when I'm reading and i can't make out the words.
Me: (thinking he may have dyslexia) Oh really, what happens to the words when you try to read them?
Him: I can't read them. Sometimes words just moosh together, like "they" and "are" become one word, it's weird.
Me: Maybe you just have conjunctivitis!
XD
(Then had to explain what "conjunctivitis" and a "conjunction" is - still a win in my books)
Me: I feel bad for Mitt Romney. Mitt is such a stupid name. What kind of parent names their kid Mitt?
Dad: Well gee, I think it fits like a glove!
The rest of the letters comes 'aughter' it.
the rest of the letters come aughter it.
