“thank you for your cervix.”
But I came 5th and won a teapot.
Who buys gummy worms hoping they’d taste as close to real worms as possible?
He's currently assembling his cabinet.
"Sorry about her. Her specialty is also roofing."
Blank stares. My talents are so wasted without kids.
It's a complex complex complex.
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now
The Royaltea
Because Lisa Kudrow.
Nell, Edna, Leon, Nedra, Anita, Rolf, Nora, Alice, Carol, Leo, Jane, Reed, Dena, Dale, Basil, Rae, Penny, Lana, Dave, Denny, Lena, Ida, Bernadette, Ben, Ray, Lila, Nina, Jo, Ira, Mara, Sara, Mario, Jan, Ina, Lily, Arne, Bette, Dan, Reba, Diane, Lynn, Ed, Eva, Dana, Lynne, Pearl, Isabel, Ada, Ned, Dee, Rena, Joel, Lora, Cecil, Aaron, Flora, Tina, Arden, Noel, and Ellen.
The man asks "is this good for wasps?"
The cashier says "no sir, it kills them"
A hummingbird.
I don't know. But it is definitely not herd.
Perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
He’s an extremely aggressive janitor.
But I won’t letter!
Mentos
The funeral director was asking us what we think Mum should wear in her casket.
Mum always loved to wear sarongs (fabric wraps that go around the torso and drape downward a bit like a long skirt would), so my uncle suggested that she wear a sarong in there.
The funeral director looked a bit confused, as did some of our family members, to which my uncle added:
"What's sarong with that?"
I started laughing like an idiot. He was proud of it too. The funeral director was rather shocked. We assured her, and our more proper relatives, that Mum would've absolutely loved the joke (which is very true).
His delivery was perfect. I'll never forget the risk he took. We sometimes recall the moment as a way help cushion the blows of the grieving process.
--Edit-- I appreciate the condolences. I'm doing well and the worst is behind me and my family. But thanks :)
--Edit-- Massive thanks for all the awards and kind words. And the puns! Love 'em.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
A fizzician
Elephantastic
It's night.
This is the last straw.
"The big bad wolf!" a goat shouted. "Is meditating!"
"So? Isn't that a good thing? questioned the bear.
"Noooo!" the goat bleated. "It's become aware wolf!"
I still don’t get why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton...
wooden tit?
True story; it even happened last night. My 5-year-old son walks up behind me and out of the blue says, "hey."
I turn to him and say, "yeah, kiddo? What's up?"
He responds, "it's dead grass."
I'm really confused and trying to figure out what's wrong and what he wants from me. "What? There's dead grass? What's wrong with that?"
.
.
.
He says, totally straight-faced, "hay is dead grass," and runs off.
It was horrific. They did unspeakable things.
They were Pruss-ured by other nations.
The jokes weren’t that good, but I liked the execution.
I told him I don’t knead the dough, but I do get a rise out of it
It's half empty.
Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.
..do you just get exhausted ?
He was a private tutor.
That's what I do when I'm Russian
I call him Dr. Awkward.
The Royaltea
