What did the stout, starving sergeant eat in the army?

Alliter o' rations.

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📅︎ Aug 12 2020
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My son asked me whether π was a rational number, even though he knows i didnt go to school...

I mean that's just not rational.

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📅︎ Jul 28 2020
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I tried to fight a fraction once

It wasn’t a very rational decision though.

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👤︎ u/Xakik
📅︎ Feb 03 2020
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The Costco employee said "I'm sorry Sir, we're rationing.

[Looking over cart full of TP]

Me: "Nice to meet you Rationing, I'm Hoarding"

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📅︎ Mar 13 2020
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New weights and measures
  1. The ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond5. Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong7. 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling8. Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon9. 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz10. Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower11. Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line12. 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake13. 1 million-million microphones = 1 megaphone14. 2 million bicycles = 2 megacycles15. 365.25 days = 1 unicycle16. 2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds17. 52 cards = 1 decacards18. 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 FigNewton19. 1000 milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen20. 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche21. 1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin22. 10 rations = 1 decoration23. 100 rations = 1 C-ration24. 2 monograms = 1 diagram25. 4 nickels = 2 paradigms26. 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = 1 IV League27. 100 Senators = Not 1 decision
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👤︎ u/kickypie
📅︎ Sep 22 2019
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How do SWAT teams celebrate Cinco de Mayo?

With Tac-taco rations

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👤︎ u/PaxPaw
📅︎ Mar 30 2018
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My boyfriend whipped this one out on me today.

I've been hardcore PMSing lately, so I made brownies. I messed up the recipe somehow so, rationally, I started crying because I really wanted homemade brownies.

He walks in, hugs me, and says babe, it's okay. You're ovary-acting.

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📅︎ Nov 10 2015
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Calvin's Father is my role model

I totally believe in parenting similar to Calvin's father. As such, when my 6 year old son came to me and asked me why his index finger was shorter than his middle, I rationally explained to him that it had to be shorter because he'd poke his brain when he picked his nose.

It's been 3 weeks and he still believes me. :D

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📅︎ Feb 24 2016
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Watching the NOVA on mathematics

The show had a section about pi. My wife said something about it didn't make sense.

I responded, "It is not supposed to be rational."

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👤︎ u/macx333
📅︎ Apr 19 2015
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Got the whole council with this one...

I am on the city council and we had a workshop about why utility rates are lower inside the city compared to outside.

It came down to this:

  1. No study was done to show the validity of the difference.
  2. It was strictly a policy decision with an arbitrary number.
  3. The reason for this approach was simply that it is "standard in the industry" and because it is "what every other city does".

Prefacing that I was a dad so I had to say it: I suggested the rational wasn't the most sound since "just because every other city jumped off a bridge, it didn't mean I wasn't going to jump off a bridge."

Mixture of groans and laughter.

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📅︎ Apr 11 2015
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