My sister keeps judging people by their sound systems.

I told her to stop being so stereotypical.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/halcyon427
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2016
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i created this dont judge.... πŸ™„

Me: mumbles I did not understand this chapter about electricity...
My friend: Watt?

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Flaming_Cash
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
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Joke from my 10 yr old: How do hobbits judge their designs?

They make a Frodo-type.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GovernorZipper
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2021
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What did the judge say to the dentist?

DO you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/saiyyanwarrior
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
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I made the Judge laugh so hard

I was guilty of Mans laughter.

πŸ‘︎ 80
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Derkix5
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
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The owner of the Indianpolis Colts will be in trouble if he has to speak in court, because no matter what he says the judge will think...

That's Irsay.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dawsonju
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
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Judge: "So, Mr Robot. Your neighbour accused you of stealing their electricity to power yourself. How do you plead?"

The defendant who is a robot: "Guilty as charged"

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
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A woman is on trial for beating her significant other with a guitar. β€œFirst offender?” the judge asked.

β€œNo” she replied. β€œFirst a Gibson , then a Fender”

πŸ‘︎ 359
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πŸ‘€︎ u/justbeatitTTD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
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What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the courtroom?

β€œOdour in the court!”

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jaxerfp
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
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A Harper Lee novel on trial refused to open up about their case case, but was still judged by it's cover.

Moral of the story... Don't kill animals.

Edit: remove one case

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kevographic
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
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A burglar broke into my house and I pushed my bookcase on top of him.

It was shelf defense.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kylejay915
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
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Judge threw the book at her
πŸ‘︎ 254
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πŸ‘€︎ u/loot98
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
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What did the man say to the judge after running over chickens at a playground?

β€œIn my defense, Your Honor, there were no signs of fowl play”

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dingdongdan69
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
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β€œJudge, 50% of my parking tickets are bogus!”

Judge: Repeat infractions?

Man: Ok..... Judge, half of my parking tickets are bogus!

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
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What do you call a judge who broke the law?

Criminal Justice

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Der-Kommissar-III
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
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Mickey mouse failed to divorce with Minnie mouse because the judges said β€œyou can’t just divorce with someone for being stupid” to which Mickey said:

β€œI didn’t say she was stupid, I said she was fucking Goofy”

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/c0olzero
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
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What do you call a Judge with no thumbs?

Just-his fingers....

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bobbylake71
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
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What kind of dinosaur judges you?

connoisseur

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
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What does a judge get with his whiskey?

Just ice.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sirnogbert88
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
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I am a judge for peanut beauty pageants

My job is pretty nuts

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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A man has been found guilty of using too many commas.

The judge told him to expect a long sentence.

πŸ‘︎ 94
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πŸ‘€︎ u/elwheelio
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
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Why did the judge set the bail so low for the ostrich charged with assault?

He wasn't a flight risk.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joesdad65
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
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Why was horse declared as innocent by the judge?

Because he de-neigh-ed everything.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ViShAl2212
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
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The cake shows up to the talent show and takes center stage. When the judge asks what is his talent. He replies...

"Icing"

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IronHusker88
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
🚨︎ report
If a judge loves the sound of his own voice,

expect a long sentence.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
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What did the man say when he caught his wife cheating with the judge

Your honor!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BriGuySupreme
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
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Judge: I hereby find you guilty for all crimes you have been charged with. For sentencing I order you to spend life behind bars without possibility of parole

Criminal: That's a long sentence, I demand a shorter one.

Judge: U did it. Go 2 jail forever.

πŸ‘︎ 527
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnblu5
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
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When I tried to admit new evidence to the trial, the judge threw a Granny Smith at me...

I then remembered it's an apple-late court.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Oh look, The diction-fairy (never judge a girl by her cover) XD
πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yugvijay
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
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A little corny, but who am I to judge?
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/babydoll_bd
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2018
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I got an apiarist to judge my beauty pageant

Beauty is, after all, in the eye of the bee holder

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EWL98
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
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Your honor is it illegal to throw sodium chloride in someone's eyes?

Judge: it's assault

I know it's a salt, is it a crime though?

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alfriadox
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2021
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The judge in our divorce ordered me to give my wife one side of the house /r/funny/comments/hsck8b/…
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/daakadence
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
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Judges being Pundits
πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/0led_head0
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Judge Dread
πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vendetta2115
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2020
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If I were a Judge,

I'd change my surname to Mental.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
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Judge: I order you to pay $10,000.

Mario: Why? Judge: It's a fine. Mario: No, itsa not.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mama_Bear15
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the judge say to the molar?

Do you swear to tell the tooth and nothing but the tooth?

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jollyflyingcactus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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What did the judge say when a skunk walked into the courtroom

Odor in the court!!

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tpatt83
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
β€œJudge, I want to contest 50% of my parking tickets. I think they are bogus!”

Judge: Repeat infractions?

Man: Ok. I want to contest half of my parking tickets. I think they are bogus.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a judge without any fingers?

Just his thumbs.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/corpjohnson
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
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β€œJudge, I want to contest 60% of my parking tickets!”

Judge: Repeat infractions?

Man: Fine. I want to contest 3/5 of my parking tickets!

πŸ‘︎ 939
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
🚨︎ report

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