Because you canβt βCβ in the dark
A whim away, a whim away, a whim away
Perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
Heβs an extremely aggressive janitor.
Because a βbβ comes after it!
Because you shouldn't press your luck!
He said "I don't think that's a weakness"
"Well I don't give a f* what you think"
He replied " I am probably a Type O"
"It's to look at. "
K9P
The water break...
Said this during a hike so it was all the more sweeter to hear the only two dad's chuckle.
One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.
The woman simply replied, βNo peer pressure.β
.. " I dunno, that's what they're fighting about "
is killing a friend homiecide
"That's M'Shell on my back!"
Unbelievable
It becomes cough-y.
-My 11 year son a few moments after I had coffee go down the wrong pipe and had a bit of a coughing fit.
proud dad noises
Recovery From Foot Surgery. Help me finish this pun
Iβm really looking forward to getting back on my feet. I know once Iβm healed Iβll have to hit the ground running. I have to remember to just put one foot in front of the other .....
I replied "correct".
It's time consuming
You can't make a vitamin.
The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"
The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The second guy smiles, flips his hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"
The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!!? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third guy and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?
He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."
The third guy looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses."
The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.
"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."
He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file on his computer and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.
"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does, in fact, wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"
"That's easy..." the third guy replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."
An orphanage.
"Don't eat so much candy all at once!"
"Why?" the boy replied.
"If you eat too much candy, you're stomach will get bigger, and bigger, and it will eventually explode!"
The boy is shocked by this image an immediately stops eating candy. The next day, the boy and mom go to church together, and the boy sits down next to a very visibly pregnant woman. The boy looks at her stomach, then up to her face, and says, "I know what you've been doing."
Mechdonalds
One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean
..this isn't for me.
FedEx
Whenever he says "I'm ready to retire," his boss puts him right back to work on another car.
The rabbit says "I think I'm a type O"
I should have known they'd dyne and dash.
You Dont Know How It Peels
A pop quiz!
(I donβt know why this makes me giggle)
Cawffe
My bf told me this don't blame me.
I think it's a defence mechanism.
Hugh.
He'll take off and Netherland.
A milkshake
I'm not sure, myself, but I know it's light.
Nun-sense!
One is heavy one is a little lighter.
A whim away, a whim away, a whim away...
