My SO has been on a dessert-puns kick lately...
My 15 month old daughter has been saying "momma" and "dadda" a lot now, and I tried using this to my advantage...
Secretly (when my wife was out), I'd ask her "who do you love more?", and praise her when she said "dadda!". This has been going on for weeks now.
The other day, my wife got home and I wanted to show her my little 'trick'. So I asked our daughter, "Who do you love more?", in which case she replied "dadda!" and ran towards my wife (which is very clearly her favourite btw).
My wife, who didn't care much for the new thing I taught our daughter, bent down and picked her up to cuddle with her. Her facial expression changed a bit, then she laughed. She looked at me and said "well, she ran to me as she said that, and her diaper is full... so clearly she was full of crap when she said that!"
My wife is now in on the dad jokes and won this one!
Edit: Bolded the text to emphasize what part of this story was the dad joke...
Final Edit: My wife was surprised at how much this blew up! She says thanks to everyone, but she has no idea what the awards are for (since she doesn’t use Reddit). 😂
What do you call a man who has finished digging?
A photon walks into a hotel. The porter asks it if it has any luggage.
It replies: 'nope, I' m travelling light'
What’s has a bottom at the top?
What do you call a mushroom that has nothing nice to say?
What does a pirate say when he has his 80th birthday?
My cousin has a crippling, irrational, fear of being beaten up by Mexicans.
….so his doctor gave him medication for Hispanic attacks.
My girlfriend has started using a pencil for her eyebrows.
Looks pretty ridiculous. Plus, it keeps falling off her forehead.
What do you name a magician that has lost his magic?
A theif has been stealing all the wheels from police cars
The police has been working tirelessly to get him
Three months without a haircut, my hair has gotten so long I’ve been brushing it straight back to disguise its length. Today my wife asked, “Are you ever going to get a haircut?”
I replied, “I’ll mullet over.”
What do you call an acid that has a bad attitude?
You could say my son has at least on square meal a day
What do you call a person that has lost their donkey for the second time?
Re-donkey-less
(redonkulous)
What Vegtable has a bunch of Animals inside it?
Whenever my son sees a balloon, he has the urge to burst it...
I wish he wasn't influenced so much by pop culture.
My favorite crime tv show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
What dinosaur has a wide vocabulary?
How do you know when a French Commander has been using your bathroom?
Answer: When you walk into the bathroom and you see the linoleum blown apart.
Did you know Stephen King has a son named Joe?
I’m not joking, but he is.
My friend has changed so much since she decided to become a vegan.
Sometime, it's like, I've never met herbivore.
My ophthalmologist has a practice with her husband, who’s an optometrist. They work on alternate days, never together…
because they don’t see eye-to-eye.
^(True story. And my wife and I literally came up with the punchline simultaneously when she was telling me this story.)
Did you know Bruce Lee has a faster brother
How can you tell if a train has gone by recently?
It leaves its tracks
(Told to me by my dad many moons ago)
During testing of a new version of Mars rover, a cat entered the test track and was run over. However, the cat was resuscitated when one staffer played a Benny Benassi hit track. A NASA representative has stated...
...that it was a pity that Curiosity killed the cat, but Satisfaction brought it back.
A technique that has been used for decades
What does one farmer say to his farm hands after a drought has finally passed?
It's raining, men!
Hallelujah!
It's raining, men!
What do you call a neat little shop in a fun little old unique town that has a ban on the sale of alcohol?
Store in a cool dry place
I made a Playlist for hiking. It has music from Peanuts, The Cranberries and Eminem.
What does the silo say when it has a headache?
My racing snail has been a bit slow recently.
I tried taking off his shell, but if anything he became more sluggish.
I’d like to pitch a new spinoff series about what Din Djarin does when he has nothing better to do.
It’s called “The Meanderlorian.”
(“No, I am your r/dadjoke”)
Elton John has bought his pet rabbit a treadmill
Watching Jurassic Park again rn after more than half a decade: Tim has been a dad since 1993!
>Tim: What do you call a blind dinosaur?
>
>Dr. Alan Grant: I don't know
>
>Tim: A Do-you-think-he-saurus.
>
>Dr. Alan Grant: Ha ha. Good one.
>
>Tim: What do you call a blind dinosaur's dog?
>
>Dr. Alan Grant: You got me.
>
>Tim: A Do-you-think-he-saurus Rex.
This cracked me up! 🤣
Anyone here also excited for JW: Dominion?
A 9 year old girl has disappeared after using a revolutionary new cream...
....that makes you look 10 years younger.
BREAKING NEWS: A man has learned how to do origami backwards!
More on this story as it unfolds
My dad is a highly successful dentist that has been presented many awards
His office has a high plaque build-up
How do you know if a joke has become a dad joke?
What does a cat say when he has pain?
How do you know if a clown has farted?
This may not be the right sub for this, if so mods do your thing but my girlfriend, who has worked hard all her life to be a top ranked tennis player, just broke up with me.
I guess love means nothing to her.
If a coven has too many witches…
…is that an embarrassment of witches???
Bruce Lee is actually a fictional character. But did you know he has a real brother?
My dad has a crippling deli meat addiction
he has to quit cold turkey 🤣
While at a restaurant, the waitress was totally flirting with me with my wife present. After she walked away, my wife said “She obviously has COVID!” “Why would you think that?” I asked.
“Because she has no taste.”
What do you call a man who has finished digging.
What do you call a magician who has lost their magic?
Did you know Stephen King has a son named Joe?
I’m not joking, but he is.
Elton John has bought his pet rabbit a treadmill.
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