True story: I was a kid, watching TV in our living room. My dad was outside using the grill. All of a sudden he bursts in the door hopping on one foot yelling “I stepped on a Bee!”
I was so concerned I jumped up and ran over to him...
Earlier that day my friend and I who were really into mountain biking had been using really sticky letters to put our names on our bikes. We were working near the general area of the BBQ.
Apparently I had dropped one...
Stuck to the bottom of my dads foot was the letter B....
A legendary dad joke from a legendary dad.
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
Mom: *Sneezes in other room*
Son, with Dad: "Did I just hear mom sneeze?"
Dad: "...hear mom's knees what?"
What's the safest room in the house during a zombie invasion?
After I dug into the details of a theoretical zombie crisis and the entrances and exits of our home, I settled on the master bedroom.
My son sighs and says, "the living room."
High five buddy, you got me.
A Man in a hotel has trouble finding his room, goes down to the front desk and asks ' Excuse me, can you tell me what room I'm in please ? '
Certainly Sir, said the receptionist...this is the Lobby.
You are in a cold room without any blanket and Sweater what will you do?
Go to the corners because it's 90° there.
I saw another coworker using the mayonnaise with my name on it from the fridge in the break room.
I said to him, “What the Hellman?”
I just found a whip, mask and some handcuffs in my sisters room.
I just had no idea she was a superhero.
The nurse tells the doctor: "There's an invisible man in the waiting room."
The doctor replies: "Tell him I can't see him now."
The other day I decided to install a highly decorative wall plug in my living room.
I needed a creative outlet.
The hottest place in a room is the corners.
So last night my boyfriend left the bedroom door open to get more heat in the room because there are more heating vents in the hallway than in the bedroom. I said, "You might say it's eVENTful." He didn't laugh. So then I said, "You'll laugh eVENTually."
My two sons 5&8 are playing Minecraft this morning on survival. They are working hard together to build their mansion. I crossed the room in front of the TV to grab my phone as they are balanced high on a wall constructing a roof. My son screams out, “Dad get out of the way!”
I said, “You’re the ones blocking!”
Why do they call the top rooms in a hotel the suite?
'Cause when you open the door to walk in you say .... 'sweeeeet'
After I was arrested, my ex-wife decided to hang a picture of my mugshot on the wall in her living room.
But she still won't admit she framed me.
A doctor is giving medical treatment when a nurse comes in saying that they need the doctor in another room. The nurse told the guy getting medical treatment to wait.
In the French Court of Louis XIV, going to the bathroom happened all over the place, but loud farting was really stigmatized. So people experiencing gas had to rush to a specifically appointed room called the...
When I was in college, my roommate used to clean my room, and I used to clean his.
We were maid for each other.
What room does a ghost not have in their house?
A living room.
Happy Halloween!
If I ever run a hotel, the free breakfast would be served from 7 tables all pushed together in the middle of the room.
It would be a Pangea breakfast
I replaced all of the incense in the Friar's room with Marijuana.
Neo met Reese Witherspoon in a hotel room
after some time he said goodbye to his friend, Reese Wither
My father and I were leaving our hotel room in Iraq and he almost forgot his suitcase.
I said don’t forget your Baghdad.
Still scratching my head in confusion, trying to understand why was I thrown out of the interview room???
My answer was spot on, upon being asked to give an example on a "Business being completely ruined due to carelessness"
All I said was... "A Pregnant Prostitute"
What do you call a potato in a hotel room?
When you get cold, stand in the corner of the room ...
It's always about 90 degrees
I've just discovered the Cantonese culture of doing maths in a dark room at breakfast
Apparently they enjoy dim sums in the morning
I'm in big trouble, you guys. I bought a set of fake pushpins and put them by the bulletin board in the IRS break room.
Now I'm wanted for tacks fraud.
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room.
They’re currently fighting it out.
What kind of room do speed racers stay in?
What does an empty room and a room full of married people have in common?
You can’t find a single person in it.
I almost got in trouble because I tried to talk to someone in the same room as me over the phone...
I have a dirty story about a couple of chickens in a motel room...
It's just two fowl to discuss
A couple is sitting in the living room drinking beer
Out of the blue the husband says, “ I love you”
“ Is that you or the beer talking” asks the wife
“It’s me” says the husband “talking to the Beer”
Imagine you're in a pitch dark room and you have no idea how to escape.
Did you know that certain rooms in your house can change your citizenship?
If you go to the bathroom, European
When my girlfriend told the room that she was going to make coffee her dad said, “no, in the Bible, it says that the man always makes the coffee...”
Haven’t you read Hebrews?
The biggest room in the world is the room for improvement.
Who do you go see when you've got no signal in the waiting room?
I have an irrational fear of being in a small room, packed with Germans.
I told my doctor and he said I have Klaustrophobia.
Cowboy goes in to a hotel and says a single room and a wardrobe for my horse. Your horse sir the manager replied!
Yes my horse is a Mustang and it mustang somewhere!
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
I've just found some whips, mask and some handcuffs in my sisters room....
Absolutely had no idea she was a superhero !!!
I've just found a whip, mask and some handcuffs in my sisters room...
Had no idea she was a superhero.
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