The owner of the Indianpolis Colts will be in trouble if he has to speak in court, because no matter what he says the judge will think...
What do you call a girl in the middle of a tennis court?
In the French Court of Louis XIV, going to the bathroom happened all over the place, but loud farting was really stigmatized. So people experiencing gas had to rush to a specifically appointed room called the...
I was told not to eat the candy in court...
World renowned tongue twister champion was officially charged in court today
They gave him a tough sentence. He got off better than his accomplice, The semi-colon, who is in between two complete sentences.
What did the skirt do when it was in court?
I don't know what decisions the Supreme Court will make in 2021 but one thing is for sure...
I’m representing a man in court today charged with tippexing all the full stops out of books.
I’m expecting a long sentence
BREAKING: The Supreme Court ruled in favor of Dad Jokes.
They deemed it cool and amusable pun-ishment
Why can't beggers be allowed in court for selection to the Jury box like any other non felon citizen?
Cuz, beggers can't be choosers!
Why did noone in the King's Court laugh when the King farted?
Because noble gases don't cause a reaction.
Credit to u/neitral-fella
r/dadjokes doesn't allow crossposting but I thought it belonged here
Mario in court
Judge :I order you to pay 10,000$
Mario: why
Judge: it’s a fine
Mario : no itsa not
I didn’t come up with this just thought it was funny
Why was Helium in court?
He broke the law of gravity
Why was the chicken held in contempt of court?
[In court] Judge: After seeing all the evidence, I am sending you to jail.
Defendant: Say-you-did-what.
Judge: What did you say?
Defendant: Thanks for reversing my sentence.
Judge: Order in the court!
Me: I'll have a cheeseburger and fries
The Supreme Court is still in session without Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
So far, their decisions have been ruthless.
A couple is divorcing in court, and they are fighting for custody of their only child:
The woman tries to pity the judge:
-Judge, I carried this child 9 months in my belly, it is the flesh of my flesh and it comes directly to me!
The judge is moved and says:
-Right mam, but now, lets listen to your husband's arguments.
The man prefers to use his pragmatic side, and says:
-Judge, when I put my coin in the vending machine,Is the can mine or is it to the machine?
Who keeps order in the food court?
I got in trouble for making someone laugh in Court
Got charged with man's laughter
A 7-year-old boy is sitting in court during his parents' custody battle.
He shows up wearing an Ottawa Senators jersey, so the judge asks "Are you a Sens fan?" The boy nods his head.
During the custody battle, he is later asked if he wants to live with his mom. His reply is "No, she beats me when drunk."
The judge asks in shock, "Okay, what about your father?"
The boy replies, "But he beats me every day when he comes home from a bad work day!"
With no other options, the jude states "We will have to send you to a foster home." The boy protests.
"Well, who do you want to live with?" the judge asks.
The boy thinks a moment and says ,"The Ottawa Senators. They're nice to people in need, and they don't beat anybody."
What does a lawyer wear in court to handle evidence after dark?
Hit the hammer that judges have and says “worm court is in session”. Then says
A tennis player is walking off the court and a guys asks him “What’s that in your pocket?” The player replies “tennis balls” . . .
The guy says “Well if it’s anything like tennis elbow, it must be painful!!”
A locksmith had to testify in court recently
I knew it was a mistake to take my friend who failed to appear in court out on my leaky sailboat.
As soon as it started leaking, he skipped bail.
A woman appears in court, accused of attacking her husband with guitars..
The judge asks, “First offender?”
“No,” she replies, “First, a Gibson. Second, a Fender.”
Whoever called the loops in malls with restaurants "food courts" missed a huge opportunity. They ought to be cul-de-snacks.
A man in court says, "I'm not saying anything without my lawyer present."
Cop: "But you are the lawyer..."
Lawyer: "Exactly, So where's my present?"
A man was in court against another man who had trespassed on his property while freshly laid asphalt was drying, leaving a footprint.
For some reason, the judge was in favor of the trespasser.
The man slammed his hand down on the table. “But I have concrete proof!”
I told my friend I needed an insect to prove my innocence in court...
He told me to use an Aphid David.
What do tou call a dentist who's testifying in court
Breaking News: A turtleneck seller is to appear in court for selling his turtlenecks to the public, and just killing so many turtles. And sweater or not he wins, he was really a bad salesman.
What do you drink while watching the lizards that live in the middle of tennis courts race their cars over rough terrain?
The driver is hashing this out in court
In my town, there was a court case between a husband and wife about who owned an outdoor storage building.
In the end, the judge dismissed it because the only evidence was "he shed, she shed".
Mickey Mouse is in a divorce court.
The judge asked, "So you want to divorce your wife because she's crazy?"
Mickey went, "I think what you heard me say was that she's fucking Goofy!"
Why do atoms make unreliable witnesses in court?
Why was the Duracell Bunny in court?
Because he was charged with battery...
What was the photographer's defense in court?
Why can't Simba testify in court?
Got hurt while in an American court room
What do you call a woman standing in the middle of a tennis court?
Why did no one in the King's court laugh when the King farted ?
Because noble gases don't cause a reaction.
What do you call a woman standing in the middle of a tennis court?
What do you call a girl in the middle of a tennis court?
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