He’s more of a Rocket Man.
Executive Chef: “Well, that romaines to be seen.”
Romaine calm, I’ll go back to the store.
Because 90% of it is below the surface of the water.
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.
What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.
Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
The shovel was a ground breaking invention.
A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.
What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.
I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.
I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.
Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"
Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.
Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.
A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.
After the accident, the juggler didn... keep reading on reddit ➡
Coworker 1: Aw shucks looks like we got the wrong lettuce.
Coworker 2: What do you mean? It's the same lettuce we usually get.
Coworker 1: Nuh uh, this is clearly iceberg lettuce.
I ended up losing everything except the iceberg lettuce.
Wife: I couldn't find any iceberg lettuce Me: Did you look right ahead? Wife: ? Me: ICEBERG, RIGHT AHEAD! Wife: (died a little inside)
Backstory: We were going to have tacos that night, she was out shopping for some supplies...
I respond "it's because you're eating iceberg lettuce!"
Someone knocked the dial in the fridge and everything froze, dinner was ruined for the next couple of nights and a lot had to be thrown out, my dad pulled a lettuce out and handed me it, saying: "look at that, it's frozen"
to which my reply was "what do you expect, it's an iceberg"
Sister Mary Margaret went to the doctor for her early physical. The doctor said "alright, I'll need you to take off your habit and stand in your underwear."
The sister took off her habit and stood in her underwear before the doc. He started to examine her and saw lettuce sticking out of her underwear.
"Sister, you have lettuce sticking out of your underwear. That doesn't look good for your exam."
She replied "that's just the tip if the Iceberg."
For those of you who don't click the link; it's a picture of my dad with a big piece of lettuce hanging out of his ear. The caption reads: I went to the doctor because of an ear problem. The doctor said, "It appears as though you have lettuce in your ear." "Oh no," I said, "Is it serious?" "Sorry but," the doctor said, "I'm afraid it's only the tip of the iceberg!"
The man went to the doctor with a lettuce sticking out of his bum.
The doctor said, don't worry it's only the tip of the iceberg.
He’s more of a rocket man
A man goes to see his doctor because he has a lettuce leaf sticking out of his ear.
"Hmmm," the doctor says, "that's strange."
The guy replies, "I know. And that's just the tip of the iceberg."
One made with Iceberg Lettuce 🥗