"Get yo' free cone 🎵"
(credit: guy at work told this one in a meeting)
AWOOOOOOtbeer float!
He ordered vanilla ice cream and gobbles it down before going back to the mechanic.
Mechanic: It looks like you blew a seal.
Penguin: Ah no that’s just ice cream.
Chalkolate
Police are reporting that it was Baskin-Robbins.
It’s a New Delhi...
Apparently they’re lack-toes intolerant.
I don't like working on sundaes.
A soft server! 😂😂
They had the inside scoop
He says to the guy working there "hey can i have a pint of chocolate ice cream?"
The worker says "Sorry sir but we're all out of chocolate."
So the guy says "alright then can i have a quart of chocolate ice cream?"
The worker says "I already told you we don't have any chocolate ice cream."
Then the guy says "fine I guess i'll just have a gallon of chocolate ice cream."
So the worker says "ok sir how do you spell the Van in Vanilla?"
The guy says "V-A-N"
The worker says "good now how do you spell the Straw in Strawberry?"
The guy says "that's easy S-T-R-A-W"
The worker says "now how do you spell the fuck in chocolate?"
The guys says "There is no fuck in chocolate"
"THATS WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU!"
He liked his daily scoop.
"Ice cream" he says.
"Do they have old strawberry Mondays?"
I saw a white, fluffy thing swinging through my local cake shop. Suspect it was a meringue-utang.
I was out driving the other day and I spotted two packets of cheese & onion crisps walking down the road. I said, “Do you want a lift”. “No thanks”, they replied, “We’re Walkers”.
I was in a cake shop the other day, they were all £5 apart from one that was £10. I asked why it was so expensive, the shop owner said “that’s maderia cake”.
Bought some cream, it said “store in a cool place”. So I left it in the Doctor Who studios.
Local ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
I used to love doughnuts, but I got bored of the whole thing.
A man says “I keep finding custard in one ear, and jelly in the other”. The doctor says “I’m afraid you are a trifle deaf”.
I bought a waffle iron the other day. Get really annoyed with wrinkled waffles.
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden
What do they call a man who abandoned his diet? DESSERTER.
Ice cream is exquisite… –what a pity it isn’t illegal.
The optimist sees the doughnut, the pessimist sees the hole, and the realist sees the calories.
Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple? Because it tasted better than Adam’s banana.
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom!
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it’s been sliced.
What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
A birthday greeting: For someone special as you, only ANGELFOOD would do. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Did you hear there are two suspects in Two Ton Charley’s death? BEN and JERRY.
Don’t eat too much fudge, or else you will have so much pudge you won’t be able to budge.
You know you’re a mom if… Popsicles have become a staple food.
Mexican candy makes my taste buds say “OLE!”
FORGET LOVE… I’
... keep reading on reddit ➡This was told to me by my father's older brother but thought it belongs here.
I repeated this as a 7 year old during Christmas dinner to everyone.
A penguin was driving along in the desert when all of the sudden his engine begin smoking. Luckily there was a mechanic shop near by so he dropped his car off. The mechanic said it will be an hour or two. The penguin decides to wonder around the small town and sees a grocery store. To beat the heat he heads to the frozen section and hops in the ice cream cooler. He sees a tub of his favorite vanilla ice cream so he opens it up and digs in. Two hours go by and he hops out of the cooler and heads back to the shop to pick up his car. The mechanic say "You blew a seal." The penguin wipes his mouth and say "Oh no it's vanilla ice cream."
So my girlfriends dad goes in an ice cream shop and orders a large vanilla cone.
The employee asks if he would like jimmies
"No! I don't want jimmies, I want my own."
My face to my girlfriend http://memeguy.com/photos/images/mrw-i-make-a-dirty-joke-out-of-an-innocent-comment-from-my-dad-and-he-glares-at-me-24139.gif
