Humilis Puns

I told him he didn’t deserve to be D graded like that.

Teargas

I didn’t have breasts until I was 40.

So a long time ago, there was a tribe of people living in the jungle. They were ruled by a cruel and terrible king who lived the high life in a large and sturdy structure he called his palace, while his subjects had to hobble together homes out of grass and straw. The king would also frequently demand tribute, forcing his people to bring him offerings of food, to the point where some people were outright starving.

One day, a group of insurgents had had enough. They snuck into the kings palace at night, knocked out the guards, and stole the kings glamorous throne. They brought the throne back to their hut, and stowed it under a tarp.

When the king awoke the next morning, to say he was angry would be an understatement. He ordered his guards to search the village until they found the throne, and to kill the insurgents who would dare humiliate him.

The insurgents panicked when the guards showed up. The tarp was removed, and there was the throne. Rather than risk the thieves escaping, the king ordered his guards to torch the hut, destroying it, the throne, and the insurgents all at once.

It just goes to show; people in grass houses shouldn’t stow thrones.

No one knows.

You don't have to humiliate the cook in front of everyone just because they're short

I was wearing overalls and, in my sleep, had relieved myself...

It was an overall crappy experience.

So there was a man who considered himself the greatest fighter in the world. Every time he got in a fight growing up, he'd win, and it would never even be close. Eventually he ran out of people in town to fight, and he decided that he'd travel the world, looking for all the best fighters, and beat them in combat.

He travels to Japan, China, India, Russia, France, Ireland, going all about the world, fighting everyone who thinks they're the best fighters in the world- and beats them easily. There's no real sense of competition, he just defeats every challenger in humiliating fashion.

But travelling the world looking for the best fighters takes a lot of time, and there's always another person thinking that they're the best fighter in the world, so he issues a challenge to anyone in the world who thinks that they're the best fighter to come to his house and fight.

The day arrives, and HUNDREDS of people have shown up. All of the best practitioners of all the world's martial arts have shown up. There's a group of judoka from Japan, Israeli Krav Maga artists stretching out on one side of the room, the Muay Thai artists are doing light striking to warm up- everyone seems represented here. The guy who started all this says "OK, there are a lot of you here, and the only way we'll be able to finish this today is if we group you all up by discipline, you all form a line, and I'll beat each of you in turn."

So he starts with the wrestlers, who line up one at a time. One at a time they come at him, and none of them last longer than a minute before having their shoulders pinned to the ground. Not only do they all get beaten, but it seems like this guy is actually winning his fights faster as the day goes on! Some of the fighters from the other disciplines watch this display, and they start leaving.

The guy looks at his watch, and realizes that three hours have gone by in fighting the wrestlers. So he gestures to the Muay Thai artists and says "I'll now fight you, but I'll fight you four at a time!" The Muay Thai fighters figure they can knock this guy out quickly, then settle the honor of who the best fighter is amongst themselves, so they line up four by four, rush in, and in a flurry of elbows and knees, they all end up knocked out on the ground. Four by four the Muay Thai fighters rush in, only for this guy to remain standing after all of them. This is intimidating to the other fighters who are watching, and more people start heading home.

H

At the on the border of their land is a pool that conjoins the two luxurious estates. In this pool each man has a pet dolphin. Every day, the two old men stand at the edge of the pool, and argue about who's dolphin is the smartest. This has gone in for years.

Then one day the first neighbor says "Let'ssettle thus ince and for all!"

So the two men begin to divise a test to determine which dolphin is the smartest. They spare no expense. There are obstacle courses, memory tests, decoding puzzles, hoops to jump through; the whole nine yards.

As the day of the test comes closer, the first neighbor statys to get nervous. He thinks to himself "what if my dolphin loses...I would be humiliated." So he decides to drug his neighbor's dolphin.

The day of the test arrives and of course the first neighbor wins with flying colors. He gloats his victory for months...but after a while he begins to feel guilty...

So he tells his neighbor "Hey neighbor, I have to come clean. I cheated in the dolphin test. I drugged your dolphin. We don't really know who's dolphin is the smartest."

His neighbor looks at him and says, "You know, that really defeated the porpoise."

So after being humiliated and then ignored i got mad and shouted 'You Oxymoron!'

A female friend of mine has a sexual fantasy of being choked during sex (which she exposed during a drunken... "moment"), I am a bad person and find great pleasure in exploiting this via subtle public humiliation! SO, what choking puns have we got to offer?! I'd think of my own but I go to say them and I just choke...

Daughter says "where are we sitting?"

Dad says "down"

Girl is mortified, so embarrassed, beat red, and I'm falling down laughing as a hungover mid 20's man. I shake his hand. We laugh for a good half hour about it. Daughter proceeds to be humiliated

So my dad loves to tell jokes, not one has ever been funny. So one day my GF was over and he decided to share a joke with her. He does. I look at him and I'm like "cmon Dad, that's horrible! U can do better" and laughed kinda like I was pitying him. He goes u think ur so cool huh?" He then got up grabbed me and locked me between his legs. So u all can understand, I'm 16 5"8 and thin. So not many people can't beat me. My dad is 6"3 and jacked. He looks likes mark wahlberg, from pain and gain, and that's not an overstatement. He then goes "what should we do now? How about an old fashioned wedgie!" He grabbed my underwear and pulled as hard as he could. "Why do u want to date a nerd that where's briefs? Haha" he's going. She starts laughing a little. He then goes "let's give u (GF) a better view" he then turns me around and lifts me up with a wedgie, "look at this dork dangle by his undies! Take a picture!" She did then pulled hard again and my underwear tore. He looked at me and went "maybe u shouldn't act like ur top dog kid, it'll get ur undies ripped right off." And she shared the pic around school, and know people come up to me saying "dude ur dad Is like a jock who gives u wedgies!" And makes fun of me for it. A couple of the seniors football player pinned me down and wedgied me so bad in the halls my underwear ripped off. And everyone was laughing. At least it happened at the end of the year so I only had 2 week of teasing. People have forgotten about. IT WAS horrible. And humiliating. So now I laugh at his jokes no matter how cringey they are, cause I fear his wedgies. Because their not regular. There delivered by a man who's biceps are bigger than my head. It's very painful. SO THE LESSON IS TO ALWAYS LAUGH AT DAD JOKES, escpeically if he can dangle u by ur undies!