In honor of Mother’s Day, I’d just like to say,

β€œthank you for your cervix.”

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rusto_Dusto
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2021
🚨︎ report
In honor of former president Donald J. Trump

[removed]

πŸ‘︎ 29k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Handleton
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
🚨︎ report
In honor of Star Wars Day (May The Fourth), here’s a themed dad joke!

Did you know the temperature of a Bacta tank is lukewarm?

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dusk118
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2021
🚨︎ report
To all of you who have been disowned by fathers. In honor of pride month and on behalf of all dads of R/dadjokes I just wanna say, buffalo.

Because you can always be our bi-son, and even if you don't feel like shooting straight, we will always be trans-parent with you. You are loved.

πŸ‘︎ 19k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fartingpinetree
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Your honor is it illegal to throw sodium chloride in someone's eyes?

Judge: it's assault

I know it's a salt, is it a crime though?

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alfriadox
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2021
🚨︎ report
In honor of my dads birthday today here is this joke.

After my dads 61st birthday card, he said one would of been fine.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Conviction666
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
🚨︎ report
Whom does Asian parents love more than A honorable child ?

A+ Honorable child

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xplodingotaku
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
More (mediocre) OC in honor of a woman who lived a bright and colorful life. We will miss you, RBG.
πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hypeeveryoneup
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the penguin's lawyer say?

"Your honor, my client is CLEARLY not a flight risk."

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RonPalancik
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2021
🚨︎ report
In honor of the occasion. What do you call witches who live together?

Broommates

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rare_Breed721
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
OC posted in honor of my dear father-in-law, who died of cancer today

Apologies for not following the usual formatting. My father-in-law was diagnosed with lung cancer a few months ago. A few weeks ago, we learned it had spread to his brain. Later that day, he told me:

β€œWell, everyone came by after they heard about the lung cancer and told me how strong and great I am, and that I’d beat lung cancer...”

pauses for effect

β€œ...I guess I let it go to my head.”

Edit: thank you all for the kind words (and the silver/gold/platinum...I’ll be making matching gifts to St. Jude’s or a similar organization).

Yes he was a great man. At age 20 he was given 3 months to live due to another β€˜incurable’ disease. He stuck around for another 45+ years. I could go on and on...

πŸ‘︎ 19k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bilgerat78
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
🚨︎ report
A gang of outlaw cows rob a bank and flee..

The police track them to a motel, but can't narrow it down further. They call the judge and he writes out a warrant to search room #8 at the motel. Police break down the door and arrest the gang of cows with the stash.

Later the police captain calls the judge, "Your honor, how did you know where the gang would be hiding?"

Judge says, "It's easy Captain. Cows always room in 8".

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LateralAxes
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
🚨︎ report
Your honor...
πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ‘€︎ u/inverter17
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
🚨︎ report
A Little Town In Mexico And Their Love Of Mayonnaise

There was a little town in Mexico, right across the border from Texas. They got a taste for Mayonnaise from the Cowboys crossing the border to eat. Soon they created a festival for their love of Mayonnaise. They’d have every type of mayonnaise you could think of. Folks loved it. The 10th anniversary of the festival was coming up and they decided they wanted to do something special. They heard of a place in England that made the worlds very best. They placed their order and was told it would be shipped overseas to them by boat. Because they had placed such a large order, the only ship capable of carrying it was the Titanic. The folks were waiting excitedly until the morning that the Titanic had hit a iceberg. When the news came that they wouldn’t get their shipment and to honor those lives lost, they decided to rename their festival. It became known as β€œSinko De Mayo.”

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedDirtCountryBoy
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2021
🚨︎ report
(In honor of Father's Day) At the start of every day my Dad tells us he's going running, and then he doesn't.

It's a running joke.

Happy Father's Day to all Dads that make us laugh with their ridiculous jokes!

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
🚨︎ report
In honor of my father for Father’s Day, I’m going to tack you back to the 1990’s. This is rural southern America please read in southern accent.

Me: Daddy I’m thirsty!

My dad: Hi thirsty I’m Fridy lets go Saturdy and get a Sundy.

I’m sure it’s not original but it makes me laugh to think of how I was making my dad insane asking for a DRIIINNNKKK and he would always come back with this.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kayl6
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I am honored to have been elected the next president of the ...

Stalling Society of ...

of ...

of ...

of ...

of ...

America.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jawn317
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
🚨︎ report
In honor of my grandfather: You should get a football...

... I think you'd get a real kick out of it.

If you don't like that, get an adding machine, because that's what counts.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bobertskey
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
🚨︎ report
The honorable baker walked into a room full of rolls

"All rise."

The baker said humbly, "you don't need to do that." The rolls responded:

"It's the yeast we can do."

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fingerpants
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the one about the world’s most honorable comedian?

He was a real stand-up guy.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpaceCadetBob
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

πŸ‘︎ 478
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aashma360
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
🚨︎ report
In honor of my late father...

who passed away this month in 2004, I'd like to repeat something he's said to me often throughout his years.

Dad: "Hey Son"

Me: "Yeah Dad?"

Dad: "See that place over there?" points to cemetery

Me: "Yeah? What about it?"

Dad: "People are just dying to get in there."

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyNameIsKodos
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2017
🚨︎ report
If the family that popularized gull-winged doors had a baby girl, and they wanted to name her in honor of Star Wars...

She could be Amanda Mandalorian DeLorean

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KairuSmairukon
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2020
🚨︎ report
One of the fish at my boyfriend's work died. Puns were made in his honor.
πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LittleLoobyLulu
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Happy Birthday Beethoven

In honor of Ludwig von Beethoven's 250th birthday ...

What is Beethoven doing to celebrate his 250th birthday?

He's decomposing!

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/warpdrve
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
(In honor of my cake day, the one that makes my kids groan the most) When I die, I want to go like my grandfather: in my sleep.

Not yelling and screaming like all the other people in the car he was driving at the time.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tpodr
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call tin foil hat graduates of the National Secret Honor Society?

The Aluminumati.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bbtehbuild
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
🚨︎ report
In honor of my late father...

I got him a new watch so he could be on time instead.

πŸ‘︎ 252
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zeronine
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2017
🚨︎ report
In honor of WoW Classic. Credit goes to u/techentalks reddit.com/r/classicwow/c…
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the man say to the judge after running over chickens at a playground?

β€œIn my defense, Your Honor, there were no signs of fowl play”

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dingdongdan69
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
"This is the seventh time in three years that you are appearing in front of me," said the judge, "What do you have to say for yourself?" "But your honor," came the reply,

"It's surely not my fault that you haven't been promoted."

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2019
🚨︎ report
In honor of the new Star Wars trailer.
πŸ‘︎ 444
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GamerGav09
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2017
🚨︎ report
In honor of the 10 year anniversary of Michael Jackson's death, Kraft foods has krafted up a new salad dressing.

Called Neverland Ranch.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
🚨︎ report
A man is sitting in the hospital with his newborn baby when his own father walks in.

Father: "So, how does it feel being a dad?"

Son: "It feels good. I'm a bit scared of course, but so excited at the same time. How does it feel being a grandfather?"

Father: "It feels pretty great. You've always been a good son and I've been patiently waiting for this special moment. There's something now that I have to give you."

The son watches curiously as his father pulls a large tome out of his backpack with exquisite text on the cover: 'The Big Book of Dad Jokes'.

Father: " For generations these sacred texts have been passed down through the patriarchs of our family. My father gave it to me when you were born and now, as a new father yourself, I bestow it to you. With this book you will have all the knowledge needed to become a truly great Dad."

Son: " Wow, Dad, this is amazing! Truly! I'm... I'm honored."

The father smiles as he extends his arm out to shake his son's hand and says,

"Nice to meet you, Honored. I'm Dad."

πŸ‘︎ 221
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChewyNutCluster
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Man: Your honor, my wife never laughs at my Star Wars jokes...

Judge: Say no more, may divorce be with you!

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/edrabbit
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2018
🚨︎ report
I hate how funerals are always at 9 or 10 am

I'm really not a mourning person.

πŸ‘︎ 500
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πŸ‘€︎ u/akien0222
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report
If PE had honors classes in High School,

Would it be weighted?

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2019
🚨︎ report
In honor of impending tax day, I present to you this gem from a friends father.

Friend: sigh. I can’t believe they charge me $25 to automatically file my state return. Anyway, love you dad hope you’re having an OK day :) Dad: thanks. Love you W-2.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/msmomona
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2018
🚨︎ report
In honor of St Patrick's Day being a warm day,

I plan on having a beer outside sitting on our Paddy O'Furniture.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lastartrek
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2018
🚨︎ report
In honor of Grace Hopper's 107th birthday, here is the first ever computer bug
πŸ‘︎ 92
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πŸ‘€︎ u/anthony81212
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2013
🚨︎ report
In honor of Mother's Day...

I'd like to share a poem that my own dad wrote for his mom once upon a time:

M is for the many things she gave me.

O is for the other things she gave me.

T is for the things she gave me.

H is for her things she gave me.

E is for everything she gave me.

R is for the rest of the things she gave me.

Happy Mother's Day to all mothers!

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AVeryCredibleHulk
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2018
🚨︎ report
I graduated from University with Honors, but even after all that effort I STILL can't find a good job

It's a distinction without a difference

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Possum
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2017
🚨︎ report
In honor of J.K. Simmons winning his Oscar for Whiplash...
πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Simpsolover
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2015
🚨︎ report
OC posted in honor of my dear father-in-law, who died of cancer today

Apologies for not following the usual formatting. My father-in-law was diagnosed with lung cancer a few months ago. A few weeks ago, we learned it had spread to his brain. Later that day, he told me:

β€œWell, everyone came by after they heard about the lung cancer and told me how strong and great I am, and that I’d beat lung cancer...”

pauses for effect

β€œ...I guess I let it go to my head.”

Edit: thank you all for the kind words (and the silver/gold/platinum...I’ll be making matching gifts to St. Jude’s or a similar organization).

Yes he was a great man. At age 20 he was given 3 months to live due to another β€˜incurable’ disease. He stuck around for another 45+ years. I could go on and on...

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KoronaSenpai
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
🚨︎ report

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