The punchline is too long
Schooliosis.
I Skipped pasta grade
Ok Iβll leave
she just never let her hair down
My Chinese friend in highschool was named Alex Shen and he was very smart. One day he wore a jersey to school and it said A.Shen on the back
I said "You don't have to wear that people already know"
Everyone left.
I'd always look at the report card and have 7 C's.
he's a cool kid.
A father looked at his son and said, "I don't want this to be all about a diploma. I want you to think bigger. Try shooting for a B-ploma or even an A-ploma.
During class
Student: My arm hurting me, can I go see the school nurse?
Teacher: If your arm is hurting you, you should throw it in jail.
QuaranTeens.
I guess you can call me multi dimensional!
(I came up with this after a, not so good midterm...)
I really want to have a daughter and name her Zelda.
I imagine, as she gets older she will spend all her time writing sick poetry and rhymes in her journal, growing her hair down to her back, not to spite me, but so she can donate it later, and expand her wit by studying improv comedy through highschool.
As she becomes famous, I hope she will invite me to one of her rap battles and put me in the front row. My heart will grow as she takes the stage, but fatherly intuition tells me something is wrong...Zelda is frozen at the microphone.
I see her up on the stage, eyes alight with fright, hair pulled tight into a bun. She and I lock eyes, a moment of silence passes and serenity slowly enters...THIS is the moment we have been waiting for all our lives.
Looking up calmly, I couldn't be more proud as I exclaim, "Rap puns, Zel. Rap puns, Zel! Let down your hair!"
For my highschool, Prom is this weekend. A group of friends asked the guy behind me in class wether or not he was going. He said no. He then said...
"I promise to go next year"
Then I turned around and said...
"Oh. You... PROM-ise to go next year?"
He said yeah then went back to work. 5 seconds later he slowly looked up at me with the "really?" Expression.
Worth it.
Because they are modern day pirates, searching for the booty they never got in highschool.
I had to create a fake business idea for a highschool economics class and I'm looking for a funny name to catch people's attention
So when i was in highschool my grandpa was meeting my boyfriend for the first time and I did the whole "Grandpa this is blabla, blabla this is grandpa." They both went in for the manly touch of hands and my grandpa pulled him in close, looked him up and down through the top of his glasses and said "You're not the one that was over last night."
Watson walks in on Sherlock having sex with a younger looking girl..
"Bloody hell, Sherlock! What'd you think you're doing bangin' that chick. She looks like she's in highschool" Sherlock replied, "Elementary, my dear Watson"
What you need to know: We have a grocery store called Dominick's.
Artie and Dominick grew up in the same neighborhood and were best friends. But after highschool, they parted ways.
20 years later, they bump into each other on the street and the friends have a happy reunion. They talk about their lives after they left their old neighborhood. Dominick is a very wealthy lawyer and Artie is a mobster. Artie turns to Dominick and says "If you need anything at all, I'll get it for ya. Just ask."
Dominick :Well there is one thing... Artie: Anything. Dominick: Well I can't stand my wife. Could you get rid of her? Artie: Of course! Dominick: Wait! You're my friend, I gotta pay you for this. Artie: I can't take your money. Dominick: I have to give you something! Artie: Fine, give me a dollar.
So Dominick hands him a dollar and tells Artie when he'll be at work. The next day, Artie slips into the house and strangles the wife but as soon as her body hits the ground, the maid walks in. So Artie strangles her too, but as soon as her body hits the ground, the butler walks in. Artie strangles the butler and then the police burst in.
The next day in the papers, the head line reads: "Artie Chokes Three for a Dollar at Dominick's"
The end. My dad was saying the other day he won't be able to tell that joke anymore because Dominick's (the store) is closing where we live.
Over with my friends family. My friends sister plays volleyball on a highschool team. Talking about the team:
The dad: "So hows Lacy been doing?" Sister: "Lacy? Who are you talking about?" The dad: "You know, Lacy." Sister: "I dont know anyone named Lacy" The dad:"Sure you do, Lacy underwear!"
http://i.imgur.com/atNvAkW.gif
Hi guys, I love this subreddit for its cringeyness but now I must ask a question. Do any of you know any puns with the name Jacob or Yakob to put on the back of my senior highschool jacket (just one word).
Thank you,
My dad told me that back in his highschool days (1934), they would write Dick Hertz on the class sign-in sheet whenever they had a substitute teacher. Then when the sub read off the names on the list to find out who was who, no one would answer when the sub read that name, and so the sub would say "Who's Dick Hertz"? And of course, the class would crack up.
How do you kill a blue elephant?
- With a blue elephant gun.
How do you kill a white elephant?
- Choke him till he turns blue, then use a blue elephant gun.
Did you know elephants paint their toenails to hide in bags of skittles? No? Have you ever seen an elephant in a bag of skittles? NO? WELL I GUESS IT WORKS!
All the guys in highschool band would call me a girl whenever my stomach would hurt after playing an instrument too long.
- Why'd it hurt your stomach? Minstrel Cramps.
I brought a girl over once and her name is Jessica. My father has a pretty severe case of tinnitus where he hears about 5-6 different tones at any given time. She announced her name and he thought it was Melissa for a few minutes. Eventually she corrected him.
He stared at her blankly for a moment and then asked, "Why'd you change your name Melissa? I think Melissa is a much nicer name."
Goddamnitdadwhyyoudothistome.
These are only a few. I practice very hard every day with my friends to become as punny and corny as a father should be with jokes. Someday I'll make him proud.
I went on vacation in highschool with one of my good friends and his Dad and another friend, who is basically the coolest fucking guy you'll ever meet (We call him Cool Daddy Mike). Its not so much a dad joke, more just a fucked up joke my friend's Dad told me, but on our way down to Florida from Ohio, we stopped halfway there to stay in a hotel and finish the drive the next day. Since it was just 4 of us for 1 night we only got one room with 2 king sized beds. When we got to the room his dad looked at me and said "If you woke up one morning with a condom hanging out of your ass, would you tell anyone?" I of course said no I would not. He then said "Well alright looks like we are sharing a bed tonight" and points two finger guns at me. It may seem fucked up but if you knew his dad like we all did, you would have died laughing with us. (Just to clarify I did not get sexually assaulted in my sleep by my friend's dad)
I volunteer with Jr. High kids and Highschoolers on Wednesday nights. This week we decided to play some indoor soccer, so we took out the soccer nets that we had stored. I see them and walk over to a group of volunteer girls and ask, "Hey, do you want to see our organization's goals?" while pointing at the soccer nets. They all groaned while I walked away laughing and proud of my joke.
