My obese friend was proud as she heaped a pickle topping all over her hot dog...

She relished it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
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Dad to Son: "Have you heard about the new online game that's just been released that's heaps popular and getting a lot of press?

Son: "What's it called?"

Dad: "Month."

Son: "Huh?"

Dad: "Apparently it's twice as good as Fortnite".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sando75
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
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Went to an artists wedding... There was the bride to be. The Groom to be. And heaps of pencils.

2B

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πŸ‘€︎ u/garythesnail1996
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
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When I was a kid, my Dad asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I was greedy and came up with the β€œbrilliant” idea to ask for 10 thousand bucks instead of a toy so that I could buy heaps of toys.

To my surprise he shrugged and said sure.

On Christmas Day, I excitedly tore open my gift box. To my anger and disappointment, it only contained 10 plastic toy pigs and deers.

β€œDaaaaaddd!!!!” I wailed in tears.

Dad gave me the biggest shit-eating grin and said β€œWell, I got you ten sows and bucks just like you asked.”

πŸ‘︎ 155
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MarkHonnor
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
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I know heaps of jokes about cash machines...

I just can't think of one ATM

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dothepropellor
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2018
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For a while I dated a woman who owned a pile of flesh

You know what they say though...

Beauty is only skinned heap

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/incredibleinkpen
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2021
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Dad: Why is there no school now?

6 year old (serious as heck): Because they are out of toilet paper

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lifeis_amystery
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2020
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A man takes his wife to an unusual restaurant where you must stand in separate lines for each food item ...

As they sit down, the husband offers to go get their dinner. First he waits in line for the roast beef. Then he waits in the line for the potatoes. He he waits in the vegetable line, the bread line, the salad line, and even the gravy line.

He finally returns to the table with two heaping plates of food. β€œWhat would you like to drink?” he asks.

β€œA glass of punch would be nice,” she says. So off he goes to get it. He finds a line for wine, a line for beer, a line for soda, a line for milk, even a line for water. After considering all of his options he gives up and returns to the table empty-handed.

Sometimes there is no punch line.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Curmudgeon1836
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
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World famous coleslaw

My daughter told me this joke, which I assume she made up on the spot: β€œThere’s this grandma who has a world famous coleslaw recipe. At her family reunion she makes a huge batch. But her grandson, who hates coleslaw, refuses to have any. The grandma gets angry so her grandson gives in, and she heaps a large amount onto his plate. He stares at it sadly and says β€œI fought the slaw and the slaw won.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/moffitar
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2019
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Need help coming up with a punny Murder Mystery title

I'm planning a murder mystery game (you know, where everyone has a character and whatever) and they always have pun titles, but I'm stuck.

It's set in the future, in a semi-dystopian steam punk-inspired kinda setting. A scientist was murdered, while doing research into a new drug that would have had questionable effects on society. I know it's not much to go by, but any ideas?

EDIT: thanks heaps everyone! You guys are awesome!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cptnPluto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2013
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Dad, have you seen Mum?

Yeah, heaps of times.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/I-think-Im-funny
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2017
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Texting my sister when autocorrect decided to step in

Me: I just go on reddit during my breaks. I find it a good way to pass time on my phone without using heaps of data like tumblr does Sister: That's true.. but I mainly just read fanfics Me: I'm trying to not read fabrics bc I have so many books to read Sister: Lol you read fabrics? Me: Nah, reddit has better threads than fabrics

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/childhoodgames
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2016
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