The locusts are hatching again even though they just did last summer

I guess their Cicadian rhythm is off

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rykahn
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2016
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what did the egg say as he was about to hatch?

this is so egg-citing!

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
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My footless brother stepped all over a freshly hatched anthill

Guess you could say he's lack-toes in toddler ants

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotA_Drug_Dealer
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
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"Knock-knock." "Who's there?" "Hatch."

"Hatch who?"

"Bless you!"

Source: my 6yo at dinner tonight

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wizard7926
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2019
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What do you call a hen who counts her eggs?

A mathemachicken

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlankPhotos
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2020
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How do fish eggs know when to hatch?

It’s whoever is next in the roe-tation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/reedrichardsphd
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2019
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How did the laughing birds hatch?

They cracked up

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bluemenkranz
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
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What did the mother hen say to her chicks when they hatched?

Happy bird-day!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Skididlydoo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2019
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I had a hen who could count her own eggs.

She was a mathemachicken.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyJelloJiggles
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
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Why does a chicken coop only have 2 doors ?

If it had 4 doors it'd be a chicken sedan

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
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6am at Detroit metro airport, my first real dad joke hatched.

FiancΓ©: where do you want to eat?

Me: well there's the mcdonalds and the currency exchange over there

...

We can get a euro.

She just walked away.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dovachu
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2014
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What do you call a newly hatched bee?

A baybee

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2017
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In 1991 I had a white t-topped '84 Pontiac Trans Am. Guess what I had on the back hatch?

Spoiler Alert.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tysciha
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2017
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I told my brother my egg hatched into a Bellsprout in Pokemon Go

"Sounds like you had a seed, not an egg."

It took me a few seconds to understand the joke, then I respectfully rolled my eyes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DwelveDeeper
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2016
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I'm going to make you wish you were never hatched...

Me: But I wasn't hatched

Dad: It's working!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jw7991
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2013
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My ex can't take care of her hen so she gave it to me and asked me to name it

It's my Stephen

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MuadLib
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2016
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Hey Patrick, I just hatched an idea!

Lay it on me!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tunasalami
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2013
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This one might need a little more incubation.

One unhatched chick turns to another one that's hatching and says, "Egg-scuse me, omelette you finish, but have you heard any good yolks lately that might crack me up?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cletis_gee
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2019
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I got a rooster on 2018's Valentine's day.

Lol, on last year's Valentine's day my best friend had got mad at me for not asking my crush out.

We'd planned on going to McDonald's together because he didn't have a date either. When I arrived at McDonald's this f*cker was holding a cardboard box with a terrified look and when he saw me he immediately gave me the box and told me he'd already bought the food and that we better take the bus to my place. I just thought he probably was joking or something because the box didn't even have any kind of decoration, it even had a chips brand printed on it, but as we got to the bus and sat I felt something moving inside, I thought maybe it was a puppy or something, but why did he look scared of it?

So, we get to my house, I go to my backyard, where my then 7yo beagle was and I open the box. I could only see a black blur flying out of it and then heard my best friend scream. It was a rooster. He's terrified of birds. And weirdest of all it was a fully grown rooster but he was super tiny, like 10 inches tall tiny.

I asked him wtf was going on and he just kinda hid behind the backyard door and said "I bought it so that you could get some cock tonight". I always make puns and he hates them, I was speechless. So long story short I now own 6 chickens and 4 roosters (my mom got super mad at him for buying the rooster, but then she got super attached and bought him a chicken, when she laid eggs she let them hatch, the rooster's name is Enrique btw, my mom even made him a birthday party and all last week, lol)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ArbiterInqui
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2019
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I was out for a group ride and my friend noticed I never got out of the saddle on climbs

He said β€œI haven’t seen you get out of the saddle once in the last 30 miles, are you hatching an egg down there or something?” And I said β€œYou know, if you keep giving me crap about this, I won’t stand for it!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/teuast
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2018
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In old days it was considered very lucky to have a hen lay her eggs near the inside of the entrance of your house

As soon as a person walks in and sees this, they would know to expect good luck and fortune from the owner of the house and the whole family, but only if all of the chicks hatch and are all healthy. Every time you left a house, it was considered good luck to look at the hen, and wish it well to have all of its chicks born happy, healthy, and for the hen to live a long life. This is why they call it an egg-sit!!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jonmeservy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2018
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On Christmas Eve, three eggs, named Dora, Moira, and Gloria, sit in a chicken nest...

Suddenly, Dora hatches and the mama hen says proudly, "Dora in the nest; Day One!"

Then, on Christmas, Moira hatches. The mama hen says, "Dora in the nest; Day Two! Moira in the nest; Day One!"

Dora is confused, and asks, "Well, what about our other sister?"

The mama hen explains, "Gloria In Eggshell, Sis; Day Oh."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/greedantoid
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2018
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Dad's chicken suggestion.

I was working with my Dad to convert a small garden shed into a hen house for our chickens when he added, "we probably should add another door."

"Why? We only need the one, and we already have a hatch on the side to get to the eggs, do we really need another access door?"

"Well, then it'd be a 2-door coupe."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JVonDron
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2013
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I got the McDonald's drive thru guy with this one

After I ordered my breakfast this morning and saw the total on the screen, my plan was hatched. I pulled up to the first window and the attendant told me my total.

"$7.11," he said.

"Circle K," I replied as I handed him my debit card.

My daughter actually laughed as she witnessed this one. All I usually get out of her is an eye roll.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ImmortalityLTD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2016
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My son, dad in waiting

My son is almost 3, he has started wrapping himself in the towel after bathtime, crawling into a ball and declaring he is an egg.

"Mummy sit on me to make me hatch" etc. He says in there for really long and then bursts out chirping, however yesterday he burst out and said :

"I'm an EXPENSIVE baby chick"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/created4this
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2016
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Dad joked at the theater [GotG after credits spoilers]

After the credits rolled in typical Marvel fashion, we had an easter egg, of Howard the Duck.

"Looks like the easter egg hatched, otherwise we wouldn't have seen Howard"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aybaran
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2014
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Knock knock. Who's there?

Hatch.

Hatch who?

Bless you.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FredererPower
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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Knock Knock

1: knock knock 2: who's there? 1: hatch 2: hatch who? 1: bless you

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Uckioh
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2020
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