I got a new shading pencil that can tell the future

it's for shadowing

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xosellc
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2017
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I wasn't expecting to be diagnosed as colour blind.

It really came out of the purple.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
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My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.

I replied, β€œBecause I am feeling light headed.”

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
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It was so hot yesterday I had to stand in the shade.
πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HuwJon
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
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I ain't taking no shade on this!
πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2020
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50 shades of grey
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrDoge64
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
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I was going to tell you a joke about a shade of yellow...

... but I probably should skip it, it's mediochre

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheKatnukAhas
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2020
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I recently visited Washington state for the first time. Much to my surprise, it ended up being a warm and sunny day when I arrived! Put on a tank top, threw on some shades, and picked up an iced latte. I took a stroll through the park near the Space Needle and had a wonderful time.

I guess you could say I was sleeveless in Seattle

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jazzywaffles84
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2020
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What repeatable, documented procedure do artists use when formulating the perfect shade of blue?

The Cyantific Method!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EyeTack
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2020
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A man decides to fulfill his lifelong dream of owning a horse, and goes to a local breeder

Not having much knowledge of the animals, he asks the owner to show him around and tell him about different breeds. "Sure, let's go," says the owner, and brings him over to the paddocks.

"So a lot depends on what you want the animal for," he says, and gestures to a powerful stallion running laps. "Over there, you've got your Type A horse: strong, fast, and a little unpredictable, but great if you want to get somewhere in a hurry."

"I think that'd be a little much for me," the man says, and the owner nods, then brings him over to see a mare quietly chomping at some hay in the shade. "This is a Type B horse - tends to be quiet and they're good companions, but not much for doing work."

The man pauses to think about what he wants the animal for, then looks over at a nearby pond and sees a horse swimming and diving over and over again. "What the heck is that one doing?" he asks the owner. "Oh, him? That's a C horse."

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
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I was going to cover the windows of our new house with curtains, but my wife came in and tossed vertical blinds at me...

Dunno why the she had to throw shade on my pursuit...

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
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"Shades"
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
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It was a sunny day out on the lake. I'd forgotten my cap. Luckily, I had a flyer from the local department store. I folded it into a hat with a shade for my eyes, thus making it easier to guide the boat without crashing it.

It made a good ad visor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
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I saw a lizard with angry red skin. It then turned orange! Then it turned yellow. Then green. Then blue. Then indigo, until it finally became a relaxing shade of violet.

Calmer, calmer, calmer, calmer, calmer chameleon.

πŸ‘︎ 78
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAnagramancer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2018
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I never park my car in the shade due to a little known medical condition.

Park in sun disease.

πŸ‘︎ 147
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrthatsthat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2018
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50 shades of Leo imgur.com/Qkw4ngR
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hammer94
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2017
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Julie Andrews will not endorse that popular vibrant shade of lipstick. She says it breaks too easily and gives her bad breath. Her official statement on this........

The super color fragile lipstick gives me halitosis.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/2donutkid2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2019
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Why do we have all these shade trees?

Fo' rest.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spizzat2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
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50 Shades of Grey
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πŸ‘€︎ u/baudia
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2018
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I was flattered when I heard they made a movie all about my hair.

It’s called 50 shades of gray

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mousebackriding
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
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What did the lighter color shade tell to its dark lover?

I want hue.

πŸ‘︎ 110
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mc1nc4
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2016
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These cows are really milking the shade. Utterly ridiculous.
πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MackAttack815
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2017
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What shade of blue are sea cows?

Manateal.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SiriKarri
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2018
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50 Shades of Grey

#4e5054, #272727, #282828, #292929, #2b2b2b, #2c2c2c, #2e2e2e, #313131, #323232, #343434, #353535, #373737, #393939, #3a3a3a, #3c3c3c, #3f3f3f, #404040, #424242, #444444, #454545, #474747, #484848, #4a4a4a, #4b4b4b, #4d4d4d, #4e4e4e, #505050, #515151, #535353, #565656, #575757, #585858, #595959, #5b5b5b, #5c5c5c, #5e5e5e, #616161, #626262, #646464, #656565, #676767, #6a6a6a, #6b6b6b, #6c6c6c, #6d6d6d, #6f6f6f, #727272, #737373, #757575, #767676, #777777, #7b7b7b, #7c7c7c, #7d7d7d, #7e7e7e, #808080, #818181, #838383, #868686, #878787, #888888, #898989, #8b8b8b, #8c8c8c, #8e8e8e, #919191, #929292, #949494, #959595, #979797, #9a9a9a, #9b9b9b, #9c9c9c, #9d9d9d, #9f9f9f, #a0a0a0, #a2a2a2, #a5a5a5, #a6a6a6, #a8a8a8, #a9a9a9, #ababab, #aeaeae, #afafaf, #b0b0b0

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ColonialDagger
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2016
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β€œFifty Shades Freed” was the highest grossing movie over the weekends.

It seems a lot of women roped their boyfriends into coming along.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nathanhulsey30
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2018
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When someone throws shade at me...

...I take umbrage.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/constantclimb
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2018
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What’s blue and not heavy

Light blue

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SximplyAJ
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2019
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Should I go see Fifty Shades of Grey in a regular theater? Or...

... should I pay a little extra and see it in clIMAX?

πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/patriotminerva
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2015
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well color me impressed
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/suisimon20
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
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Why did the female lead for Fifty Shades take the role?

Because she didn't meet Dakota for the month yet.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quasar226
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2018
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My Mum was asked how the 50 Shades of Grey movie was...

Dad cuts in and replies "she hasn't had a chance to go yet, she's been tied up".

πŸ‘︎ 206
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rhonage
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2015
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Lamp shades imgur.com/8zGr31r
πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RuSsYjO
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2015
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My friend sent a picture in a group chat of her wearing 3 pairs of shades.

I said "You shouldn't go out in public like that. You would look shady." No one responded. I apologized for the lame joke. I tell lame jokes like this all the time and that might have been the last straw. What do I do? Help.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OkArmordillo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2016
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A real masterpiece
πŸ‘︎ 327
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πŸ‘€︎ u/williehero
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2019
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πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/esmithvl
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2015
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Credit goes to Puns on Facebook. I am partly colour blind and this is f’in funny!
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/A_Good_Alibi
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2018
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Fifty Shades of Grey... β€’ /r/funny reddit.com/r/funny/commen…
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/reeegen
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2015
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I once met a wizard who threw a ball of darkness at me.

I hate it when people throw shade.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Danda1f
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
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What's a Panda's Favorite Form of Literature?

Po-ems

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/John_isnt_my_name
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2020
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So, I've been working on my own rendition of "50 Shades of Gray." Can I get some feedback?
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2015
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Being colourblind is hard ._.
πŸ‘︎ 481
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NemotheChibi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2018
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Aisle for Cereal Adulterers.
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2018
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Does a Moss-que grow in the shade?

No, it grows on the Sunni side.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/felipe41194
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2016
🚨︎ report

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