I was over at a friend's house a couple of weeks ago when his dad stopped by. I've had this friend for twenty years, and his father knew me since I was a wee lad. All of the Christmas decorations are strewn through the neighborhood, including my friends neighbors house whose yard is filled with these 4 foot tall wrapped Christmas gifts adorned with colorful lights. My friend's dad looked out the window and saw the boxes. "Say, your neighbors left some pretty big presents out in the yard." My friend replies, "You should take 'em, save money on your. Christmas shopping." His dad instantly says, "They might be too big to fit in my car. Although, they do look pretty...light."
I'm eggnogstic
Because he had Ginger-vitis!
That father had the biggest smile on his face.. happy holidays everybody!
Because their husbands have “hallo weenies”. Lol happy holidays y’all.
Story time:
So over the holiday, while visiting my mom, she asked me to run and pick up some groceries she had on her shopping list. So of course, I pack up my kids and we are off to the store. As I am perusing the juice aisle, my daughter squeals, "ELSA!!!!" Sure enough, there was Elsa, on the label of a bottle of apple juice. I thought, "Apple juice is on the list and it will make my daughter happy? Boom getting it!" Fast forward to putting groceries away at my mom's house.
Mom: "Did you get everything on my list?"
Me: "Yes mom."
Mom: as I am handing her the Elsa apple juice "Oh I wanted you to get the frozen apple juice"
Me: my face shifting from a look of irritation to a stupid-cheesy smirk "That IS Frozen apple juice..."
Mom: fighting the urge to smack me while rolling her eyes "OMG."
It's Christmas, Eve!
Ps Merry Christmas, happy holidays etc etc to all my fellow dads and dad joke lovers 👍
I would call them missile toes.
Have a Merry Christmas and happy holidays!
A smile!!! :)
But that’s also the only gift I can afford this year ....... what can I say, I’m a post-Renaissance man, baroque.
Happy holidays.
You depress me.
Merry Christmas!
Happy holidays!
Hey guys, this might sound too cheesy and I'm not sure if I'm posting on the right subreddit.
Every Saturday I give my SO a printed typography paper that I personally design with a pun of her name on it (her name is Des, I call her Mae so either is good).
Problem is, I can make the designs, but I'm running out of puns. Here's a list of what I've already done:
Des puns:
-
Hardest
-
Wordes (Words)
-
Widest
-
Uncondesionally (Unconditionally)
-
DrivES
-
Dessert
-
Fades
-
Des (This)
-
Holidess (Happy Holidays!)
-
Desperate
-
Desision (Decision)
-
Decades
-
Desert
-
Destination
-
Dress (DrESs)
-
Despresso (Espresso)
Mae puns:
- Maend (I hope you don't maend(mind)
- Maecadamia (Macadamia)
- Maengo (Mango)
- Maecaroni (Macaroni)
- Maeple (Maple)
- Lifetimae (Lifetime)
- Imaegine (Imagine)
- Chamaeleon (Chameleon)
- Caramael (Caramel)
- Achievemaent (Achievement)
- Gmaes (Games)
- Maek (Make)
- Drmae (Dream)
- Dramey (Dreamy)
- Maesure (Measure)
- Blmae (Blame)
- Maet (Mate)
- Climaet (Climate)
- Ultimaet (Ultimate)
- Maebe (Maybe)
- Mae (My one and only)
- Mae (Whatever May Happen)
- Maen (You mean everything to me)
- Maent (We're meant to be)
- Amaezing (Amazing)
- Maeutiful (Beautiful... I know)
- Maechiatto (Macchiato)
I'd really appreciate some help if you guys have any puns reserved. Anything will do, really.
Thanks!
EDIT: Formatting
I told her to be careful or might end up on the knotty list.
Happy holidays, everybody!
With the holidays upon us, I would like to share a personal experience with you about drinking and driving. The following experience was a first for me, and I hope you won't mind my "preaching" to you about it.
As you may know, a few of us have been known to come close to brushes with the authorities from time to time on the way home after a "social session".
Well, two days ago Christina and I were out for an evening with friends. We had several cocktails followed by some rather nice red wine. I was feeling jolly, but I still had the sense to know that I was probably over the limit.
That's when I did something that I've never done before in my entire life - I took a cab home. Well, Christina doesn't drive so this seemed the logical option.
Sure enough on the way home there was a police sobriety checkpoint, but since we were in a cab they waved us through and we arrived home safely without incident.
This was a real surprise as I had never driven a cab before. I don't know where I got it and now that it's in my garage, I don't know what to do with it. Any advice?
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!
I was coming from the back with a load of bread when she stopped me and told me to put the bread down so I didn't drop it.
"Which reindeer do dinosaurs hate the most?"
I stopped for a moment and thought. It had been a long while since I've heard anyone mention Santa's reindeer by name.
"Comet."
"AWW! You're the first one who got it!"
This is when I realized that I spend too much time reading this subreddit. I lovehate you guys. Happy holidays!
The guy I'm dating's last name is Feliz.
Over the holidays at his family's New Years party his little brother asked his girlfriend to marry him. Her response? Yes! It would make me happy.
Feliz is Spanish for happy. He is literally making her happy. I was rolling. I think everyone else may have heard variations of the joke too many times cause all they did was groan but I definitely think she's a honorary dad.
Dad: Did I tell you about the holiday party I went to last week?
Me: No...
Dad: I met a woman with a Merry Christmas tattoo on one thigh, and a Happy New Year tattoo on the other. She said that everyone was welcome to come up between the holidays.
I remember this one from my toddler years. My b-day is June 14, which happens to be the unknown holiday called Flag Day.
Me: "Daddy, guess what day it is?"
Dad: "Oh, is it the 14^th already? Happy Flag Day son!"
I would get really upset at him every year for that one until I started to get the joke. Alternatively, my mom's birthday happens to be December 25. So you can imagine:
Mom: "Merry Christmas, honey!"
Dad: "Christmas? Oh, I'm so sorry. I thought it was your birthday!"
