Kids want to know why I named my new guinea pig Moresby, well..

Because itโ€™s papaโ€™s new guinea

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/coloredboyadvance
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
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What did the guinea pig say to the hamster before leaving work on Friday?

Have a good wheek-end!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Chonkin_GuineaPig
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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My Dutch guinea pigs want to become beavers.

They're building a Hamsterdam.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/PeeSeaBayBee
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
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What do you call a guinea pig that partakes in organized crime?

A hamster

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Ngeelow
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
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What do you call a guinea pig that has joined a mafia group?

A hamster

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Ngeelow
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
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Where did you get your guinea pigs from?

I got them from Guinea, but my daughter's wanted younger ones, so we went to New Guinea, but one of the ones was a father, so he had to go back to Papa New Guinea.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ExcitingFail
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
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What do you call wild guinea pigs?

Guinea boars

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/BunzarTheFuzzy
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
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I volunteer at a shelter and this guinea pig's name is Piggy Smalls.
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/AristonD
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 07 2019
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My son woke up to find his guinea pig dead. He found me right away and said...

"Papa, new guinea"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MexElf
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 20 2019
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How can guinea pigs cope so well in the cold?

It's Chile near where they're from.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/potatostomach
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 11 2017
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Guy goes into a pet store

So a guy decides he wants to buy the world's most unique pet. He goes to the pet store.

He looks at a cat and a dog. Not unique enough.

He looks at a hamster and a guinea pig. Please.

The pet store guy shows him a porpoise in a tank. He says "what's unique about that" and the pet store guy says "this one will live forever".

So he buys two.

He takes them home and puts them in his bathtub.

He feeds them. He tries feeding them fish, shrimp, waffles, everything. They won't eat anything.

So he goes back to the pet store, and says "they won't eat anything I give them" and the pet store guy says "Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you, the only thing they will eat is mynah birds."

He says "mynah birds. Really?" and the pet store guy says "yep".

So he buys a couple mynah birds and takes them home.

When he gets home, there's a lion sleeping on his front step. Yes, a lion.

He thinks, that's a little strange, but I've got these mynahs and I've got to feed my pets. So he steps over the sleeping lion and takes the mynahs inside.

Just then, a cop jumps out of the bushes and arrests him.

He says "come on! What's the charge"

And the cop says

"transporting mynahs across a sedate lion for immortal porpoises"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TheseWereThePlaces
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 27 2019
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My husband and kids are upset that I put pepper on their pizza

They really loved that guinea pig.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/coffeetime20cups
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 09 2019
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Three little pigs

Once upon a time there were three little pigs, Pork Chop, Hambone, and Bacon.

The boys lived at home with their mother. One day their mother said, โ€œI no longer have enough food to feed you boys, you need to go out on your own and find your fortunes.โ€

Not wanting to upset their mother they left the house together to seek their fortunes.

Several miles into their journey Bacon, the little pig everyone liked best, said, โ€œLetโ€™s build our houses here! This seems like a great place to start making our fortunes.โ€

Pork Chop and Hambone agreed. So they all began building their houses.

Pork Chop, the laziest of the bunch, decided to build his house out of straw, which he apparently stole from a nearby field. It was not a very sturdy building material, but Pork Chop didnโ€™t care. All he wanted to do was play all day, and he didnโ€™t want to spend too much time building.

Hambone was willing to work a bit harder and he decided to build his house out of sticks which he procured by de-limbing every tree within a 300 meter radius of their homestead.

Hambone and Pork Chop were happy. Now all they had to do was to play and sleep the rest of the day.

Now Bacon was a hard worker. He knew that his brothers had used bad materials and shoddy construction methods and he wanted to build the best house he could. He found several tons of bricks stacked in neatly ordered pallets in the forest which he decided to use for his building material. It took him several days, but when he was done Bacon had the best house on the homestead.

The next day a wolf, Scott Howard, happened upon the pig brothers and their new homestead. He spied the straw house and smelled Pork Chop inside and began to think to himself that Pork Chop would make a mighty fine meal, so Scott went and knocked on the door.

Scott said, โ€œLittle Pig! Little Pig! Let me in!โ€

Pork Chop replied, โ€œNo way Josรฉ! Not by the hairs on my chinny chin chin!โ€

Scott, undeterred by the reply says, โ€œThen Iโ€™ll huff, and Iโ€™ll puff, and Iโ€™ll blow your crappy straw house to the ground!โ€

Scott began to huff and puff. He was evidently having some sort of asthma attack, but after a few tugs from his handy dandy rescue inhaler, he was able to muster enough wind to blow Pork Chops straw house to the ground.

Pork Chop narrowly escaped Scottโ€™s massive jaws. Scared, and now homeless, Pork Chop ran for the nearest shelter he could see. Hamboneโ€™s house.

Scott, undeterred, chased Pork Chop to his new hiding place. Scott was very pleas

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/RageMonster17
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 14 2019
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I would tell you my favorite type of bread...

...but that's naan of your business.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TheOddJuan
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 03 2015
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[request] puns for animal name

I got my cousin a guinea pig for his birthday, and I am looking for a good "pun" name for him. Any suggestions? If it could be Game of Thrones or Harry Potter related, that would be amazing, but I'll take anything.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/slackgir
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 28 2017
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