Me making dinner: How much green beans should I make? Two cans?

Or I can try to make parrots instead...

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/theblumkin
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
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My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.

Jack and the beans talk.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 06 2020
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Almost got stabbed to bring you this one...

My wife was working on a green bean casserole and couldn't find one of the ingredients.

Wife: Have you seen the can of fried onions?

Me: What does it look like?

Wife: White container, red writing.

Me [Feigning hopeful tones]: Little red writing?

Wife [Relieved]: Yeah!

Me: ...hood?

Wife brandishes knife.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 49
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/chaosTechnician
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 26 2015
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Dad hit my family with this one at dinner

Dad sits down down at the table with his plate full of food and starts acting all flustered and stressed out. He lets out a sigh and makes note of how stressed he is with all his work that has to be done. He then smiles, looks at his plate full of chicken, green beans, and mashed potatoes then says "there's just so much on my plate right now".

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/kewladria
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 11 2015
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Toddler Turns the Tables

Told my 2 year old that she needed to eat at least two of her greens beans before she could get down from the table.

She told me she was done and I asked her if she had eaten her two green beans.

Her reply? "Yes, too many."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/JustACapybara
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 23 2014
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