How can I get someone to hang out with me, laugh at each other’s jokes, and maybe share some fun platonic experiences together throughout our lives?
Two bees are drinking at a bar, a couple aproaches them, one of the bees says "Get away, you scumbags!" The other says:
"I'm sorry for what my friend said, I would like to a-pollen-gise"
I was having problems with the printer at work last week and I had to ring the engineer. I told him that I kept putting paper in to the printer but the display kept saying it just can't get enough...
The engineer said "ah yes.... it's stuck in Depeche Mode"....
I was at the store with my wife picking out a turkey and she seemed unimpressed by the size. She asked "do they get any bigger?"
I looked her in the eyes and replied "no honey, they're dead."
At first I wasn't going to get a brain transplant,
but then I changed my mind.
I couldn't get a reservation at the library.
They were completely booked.
How do people at Hogwarts get into rooms?
A horse walks into a bar and sits at a stool near the bartender. The bartender goes "Hi Horse, what can I get for you today?"
The horse looks at the bartender and says "Hey"
Why did the conductor get arrested at the protest?
For trying to incite violins
What did the bagel say when he was about to get eaten at breakfast?
Excuse me, but I'd like to propose a toast!
My kids get confused when I throw whole basil leaves at them this time of year
But as they say, 'tis the season
Soccer coach to newbie: "Basically, you kick this ball down the field and try to get it into that big net at the end."
"That's the goal at least."
Someone pointed out my own comment I didn't get it at first.
Who is the best person at the golf course to get to make coffee?
I told my bowmen that I would pay anytime they need to get some practice in at the course.
They’re free range archers now.
Never get caught behind Satan in line at the post office.
I heard you can get lawyers at Ikea now.
They're very affordable, but you have to build your own case.
My grandson’s dad joke ( very proud grandfather) What kind of chips do you get at the airport?
I was telling my friend there's only one thing I get really scared of at Halloween.
"Which is?" he asked.
"Exactly."
Standing at the park today wondering why does a frisbee appears larger the closer it gets..
And then it hit me!
I didn't see that one coming
Is not fair to get mad at lazy people...
Why did Covid not get a beer at the bar?
These comments where from a clip where someone cleaning at a foreign range almost gets hit by a stray bullet
My wife is constantly changing her name, but gets mad at me when I call her the new name.
Sometimes it's hungry, sometimes it's tired, sometimes it's angry. Please help.
Why did Eminem get a job at Subway?
They were hiring wrap artists
I don’t get why my wife gets mad at me for being lazy
It’s not like I did anything.
I was helping my wife carry the grocery bags inside the house. All of the sudden she gets mad at me and says to carry more stuff.
I mean I would carry more but my hands were tide.
A carrot and his wife are walking home from a party late at night and he gets hit by a car.
Mrs. Carrot takes him to the ER and after a day of surgery, the doctor steps out and says, "Mrs. Carrot, I have good news and I have bad news. The good news is, we saved your husband. The bad news is, he's going to be a vegetable the rest of his life."
A man at the bar told me he once travelled across space to get a pint
He must have been interstellar
My cell signal always drops when I work the front desk at work and I can't get calls.
I would do anything to get more customers at my restaurant to order the meat loaf.
What did the wizard get at the shop?
How do you get to the weight room at Hogwarts?
8yo nephew's an early bloomer. Gets home, tells his dad, "There was a kidnaping at school today." Dad: "What!?!" 8yo, dead serious, -
"It's okay, dad... He woke up." Doesn't even smile. Walks away.
What do the penguins get for their lunch at the zoo?
Half an hour, same as the zebras.
Why do people never get hungry at the seaside?
Because of the sand-which is there
Started a job at an accounting apprenticeship office... took me an unreasonably long time to get the pun in their slogan
A programmer's wife tells him: "While you're at the store, get some milk".
What did the rabbit get at the salon? A hare cut.
Why can fruit not get married at city hall?
Why did Bill get mad at John after John ate all of his toast?
Because he's Lack Toast Intolerant.
My girlfriend and I broke up at summer camp. We got into an argument over which canoe to get take.
She got in one and I the other. Then we just drifted apart.
I get annoyed at maraca's
Something about them gets me rattled
dont get mad at lazy people
Don’t get mad at lazy people.
It’s not like they did anything.
Don't get mad at lazy people..
I hate it when my wife gets mad at me for being lazy.
It's not like I did anything !
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