Need gem related puns

I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_Nonyl_
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
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My wife left me because of my obsession with horoscopes

It Taurus apart

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OliPark
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2021
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My dad dropped this gem during breakfast.

How do you know if a man is ticklish? Just take 1 test-tickle.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun_Kill3r
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2021
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I have seen some crappy posts in this sub so here are some gems

Rubies, Diamonds, Emeralds, Opal, and Sapphire

πŸ‘︎ 125
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πŸ‘€︎ u/carson0412
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
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Only people sorting by new can see this gem. (Evil laugh)
πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/UnsteadyKoala
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
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Was scrolling through the comments of ask Reddit when I found this gem
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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We have a joke calendar and we missed this week, my wife was having me guess the answers and we ended up accidentally creating this gem: what do you call a cow that was just born?

A mooborn!

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Singular1st
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
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Driving past an antique store with my dad and he drops this gem...

β€œWhy do aunts get all the glory? What about uncle-tiques?”

πŸ™„πŸ™„πŸ™„πŸ˜‘πŸ˜‘πŸ˜‘

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
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Found this gem in r/okbuddyretard
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedLeader11037
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
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Found a gem this morning
πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ozzy_HV
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
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This gem from r/memes
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Epiphany81964
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
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Found this gem on r/me_irl
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Papa_Guacamole69
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
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Found this gem when sitting in a vacant cube in an office I travelled to this morning to work remotely.
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stahrcrash
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
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Found this gem on a sub
πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheWildNazis
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
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A gem I found in the YouTube comment section
πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/noshaveseptember
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2020
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Found this gem today
πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hicxs
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
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Fog

Found this gem on Twitter:

My pal, driving in fog, got pulled over. Cop says β€œWhat do we do when we encounter Mr Fog?”. My pal thinks β€œbetter humour him” so says β€œ We turn Mr Steering Wheel towards Mr Slow lane”. Cop says β€œNo Sir, I said β€œWhat do we do when we encounter MIST OR FOG !”

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
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I had to highlight this gem from r/Skyrim
πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Queen_OwO
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
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Found this gem on Instagram
πŸ‘︎ 70
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trtlman
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2020
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Two people fell in love as they were sharing Gems candy. What do you call their relationship?

Bond, Gems Bond.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madjholu
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2020
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Found this gem on YouTube
πŸ‘︎ 798
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MagicalBear202
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2019
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True story: My family and I were walking at an apple orchard today when my 6-year-old noticed a discarded apple and asked "Why is there an apple under a pine tree?"

I responded without missing a beat, "That, my son, is a pine apple."

Shoutout to the mom passing by who witnessed and appreciated this gem.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Etereve
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
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Just found this gem in the Sims 4...
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/miraaaaaak123
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2020
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Found this gem today
πŸ‘︎ 75
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ArcaneCoyote
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
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Iceberg!! Iceberg!! We're in a titanic pickle here

But lettuce romaine calm, help will turnip soon

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
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Some of the gem's of Steven Wright

The work of Steven Wright, he's the famous Erudite (comic) scientist who once said: "I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates."

1 Β  - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

2Β Β  - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.

3Β Β  - Half the people you know are below average.

4Β Β  - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

6 Β  - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

7Β Β  - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

8 Β  - If you want the rainbow, you have got to put up with the rain.

9 Β  - All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.

10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, ...... But she left me before we met.

12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?

13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.

19 - I intend to live forever... So far, so good.

21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name.

25 - If at first, you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

26 - A conclusion is a place where you got tired of thinking.

27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.

34 - If at first, you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

35 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ksbalaji
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Hit my buddy with this gem today.
πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_eazy_life
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
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Found this gem on fb
πŸ‘︎ 228
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πŸ‘€︎ u/django_24
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2019
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After my breastfeeding class, my husband spouted off this gem.

Me: "I need to call your insurance about breast pumps... see what they cover."

Husband: "Probably the boob."

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mnshaw
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2017
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While picking up a turkey for this Thanksgiving, I overheard this gem.

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.

She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they’re dead."

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Taylordprints
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2017
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How do Roman lesbians have sex?
πŸ‘︎ 65
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EmmaLately
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
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Had this gem of a conversation with this guy on Discord...
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Icy_Wolf
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2019
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Just saw this gem on Facebook
πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kamui_18
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2019
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Found this Gem in r/aww
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OuterSpaceDrugs
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
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Found this gem downtown near my job.
πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/romir38
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
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My 10 year old came up with this gem

β€œβ€˜TouchΓ©, or not touchΓ©.’ That is the question.” That’s Dadspeare.”

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jmhollifield
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
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My grandfathers last wish was that we convert his ashes into a diamond.

That’s a lot of pressure.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
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I came across this gem earlier

Emerald

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/waldo06
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
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Found this gem on r/memes
πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Prevay
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2019
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Found this gem, thought it belonged here.
πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dealsrop
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
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Was looking up some work rumors, found this gem
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stebedubs
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
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What did the rabbit say to the lettuce?

Romaine calm, I’m here for the carrots.

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DingoAltair
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
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Found this gem on pinterest
πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/malama2
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2019
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πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brawl_Noob
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2019
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Found this gem on r/confusing_perspective. A pair of sunglasseyes.
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gradymegalania
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
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Found this gem on r/funny
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SchemingWeasel_75
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
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A true hidden gem
πŸ‘︎ 133
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kyeb29
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2018
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Found this absolute gem
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/undermade12
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
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Someone on reddit came up with this absolute gem.
πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vinCNG
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2019
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