My business of making T-shirts decorated with dayglo currency was struggling, so I asked my dad for advice.
He said, “I’ve told you a million times, money doesn’t glow on Tees.”
I saw this dress decorated with small shiny disks: three on the arm, five on the collar, eight on the back...
They were Fibonacci sequins
I decorated where my horse sleeps in the barn.
The other day I decided to install a highly decorative wall plug in my living room.
I needed a creative outlet.
Cupcake decorating took a turn on Valentine's day when my daughter got frosting all over the freezer
I told my wife to just leave it though since the freezer has an auto defrost feature
When it comes to decorating the Christmas tree, I've got a leg up on the competition. My cat says I passed out under the tree again, but I told her to stop pulling my leg.
The decorations were from a second hand store
Believe it or not, my wife appreciates my input when we go shopping for decorations...
...the one thing I actually look forward to when we go to Hobby Lobby is the moment we're walking through the store, I try to keep a perfectly straight face and act like I have a genuine interest in something on the shelf, I reach up and I say something like, "Oh, look at this nice little Stool sample!"
(Not really a joke, but a true dad joke recurring scenario of mine)
Did some Christmas Cake decorating
What’s a drug addicts favourite part of decorating the ginger bread house?
What do you call a Christmas decoration made out off $100 bills?
To avoid taking down my Xmas decorations...
....I am turning my house into a Chinese restaurant.
Which lawn decorations move around from yard to yard?
Gnomads.
(I'm not a dad but I came up with this one last year and have been dying to share it.)
My one friend told me that even though I decorate the church for the holidays...
I probably shouldn't go around calling myself a proud cross dresser.
Just got back from a walk looking at all the decorations.
Pisses me off how early people are putting their Christmas lights up.
What do gangstas decorate their Christmas trees with?
Today I started decorating the Christmas tree with my kids....
But they started screaming and complaining, so I had to take them down.
I got a sore throat after eating some Christmas decorations.
I had to get my tinsels taken out.
Instead of decorating my whole house this year, I decided to put all of my lights in my drinks cupboard instead..
We'll Christmas is all about Makings Spirits Bright
Had a painter and decorator round this week. He's a furloughed airline pilot...
He made a lovely job of the landing!
Why do bottomless shoes count as Halloween decorations.
Because they have no soles.
What is a pirate’s favorite holiday decoration?
How did the frustrated husband decorate the christmas tree?
This time of year we switch out our old decorative squash for a new one -
It's the traditional changing of the gourd.
What did Jesus the Interior Decorator say in his final moments?
My daughter, Eliza, kept asking me to use my 3D printer to make monogrammed chairs for her dolls. Last Sunday I printed over 100 of them. She was so happy. She started putting them on everything for decoration.
We had a Sunday, everything with a chair E on top.
Not my joke in any way but thought people might like it.
We’ve just had a decorator in to do some work. I got chatting to him, and it turns out he is a pilot on furlough, earning a bit of cash.
He did a lovely job of the landing.
I have had a decorator in this week. Turns out he is normally a Pilot for BA, but has been furloughed due to Corona.
He did a lovely job of the landing.
I am going to decorate my next christmas tree with miniature tnt sticks instead of candy canes
Oh tannen-bomb oh tannen-bomb...
My friend tried to sell me his used Easter egg decorating kit...
I said, "no thanks. I'll Paas."
I gave my daughter a watch for her birthday. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, "That's a pretty watch you've got there! Does it tell you the time?"
She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"
Unemployed Pilot (Dad still killing it at 70)
My dad just sent me this (couldn't help but groan, even as a dad myself):
I had a fella in painting and decorating the house for the last three days, I got chatting to him and it turns out he is actually a Ryanair pilot on PUP (Pandemic Unemployment Payment - social welfare in Ireland for those affected by Covid), he is decorating now to try and pay his mortgage, sad times but in fairness he did a great job on the landing😬👍
My friend invented highly explosive decorative flooring...
I quit my job of drilling holes in decorative wooden plaques...
It's tradition in my family to always put up the Chris-mas decorations the day after Thanksgiving
What about the star?
My husband and I finally finished decorating the Christmas tree tonight. There’s always a star and we forgot to grab the box from the basement. I said to my husband, “What about the star?” Without skipping a beat, he says, “It’s 2020. Zero stars.”
My friend wanted me to run some moonshine in decorative bottles out of state for him, but I'm wary...
That's pretty whiskey business.
How does the sea decorate for Christmas
so for Christmas I decided to hang a decoration that shows both my love for music and for our founding fathers
It’s a wreath of Franklin
What do you call a Christmas decoration made of $100 bills that can play R&B hits?
We’ve just had a decorator in to do some work on the house. I got chatting to him and it turns out he is a British Airways pilot who’s been furloughed and earning a bit of extra cash.
He made a lovely job of the landing.
Just had a painter and decorator round, hes a furloughed Virgin Atlantic pilot.
He made a lovely job of the landing....
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