Did you hear about the new Metallica/Muppets mash-up where Kermit fronts the band as a clergyman?
It's called Pastor of Muppets
Mommas always told me never to run around the fronts or backs of running buses
Warned I'd get tired then exhausted by them if I did
I hurt my knee slipping on ice in front of the police station.
I went inside to complain but they charged me with a felony (fell-on-knee)
I saw a guy standing on one leg in front of the ATM this morning...
I asked him what he was doing. He said he was checking his balance.
It's pretty obvious that if you run in front of a moving car you will get tired, but if you run behind it..
do you just get exhausted...?
I left my front door open yesterday and my Roomba went right outside and I haven't seen it since. I'm afraid that it's going to die out there in the wild.
You know, because Nature Abhors a Vacuum.
Once, my dad came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.
That made my dad very mad, as we didn’t have a fireplace.
my mom came to visit me and asked me why I kept staring in front of the mirror
Told her I've been watching my figure for a while now
saw a guy cut in front of a cow as it was walking
Last night I stayed at a hotel. I called the front desk and asked them for a morning wake up call
In the morning they called and asked me “So what are you going to do with your life?”
A boy and his father were sitting on the front porch of their home one summer evening. The boy had overhead a conversation at the doctors office and had a question for his father. "Dad?" His father replied. "Yea son?". "What's an alcoholic?" the boy asked.
"Well son.." searching his mind for an explanation. "You see those 4 trees over there? Well, an alcoholic would see 8 trees." The boy, confused, replied: "But Dad,
there's only 2 trees."
I only let frogs park in front of my house.
Every one else will be toad.
I accidentally stepped in wet cement in the front walkway of this building because I was in a rush to get to my first job interview
I'm pretty sure I left a bad impression.
Was filling out a form at a local gym and saw this girl checking herself out next to the front desk & thought it was the perfect opportunity..
Walked behind her and said "wow, nice form" she started blushing then rolled her eyes when she saw me handing the guy at the front desk the form I was referring to 😆.
Some people like to paddle the front of a canoe, others prefer the back.
FRONT!
What kind of job position can rabbits, kangaroos, frogs and toads apply for? Bellhops.
what do you call a man with no arms and no legs by your front door?
I would rather have a bottle in front of me ...
... than a frontal lobotomy
If you have front row seats to the Shakespearean monologs festival, be prepared for one thing.
Can't believe my professor failed me in front of the entire class
My Tesla ran out of charge in front of the police station.
I went inside to complain and they charged me with battery. That’s all I needed!
What is Marilyn Manson’s favorite part about his custom front door?
I was in front of a grocery story, some guy came up to me.
He said "Hey, do you have a moment to help save the environment?" I said "Absolutely." So he gave me a pamphlet, I recycled it right away.
My wife left her Crocs in front of the refrigerator, preventing me from opening it. When I asked why they were there...
She says, "it's a Croc Block."
What do you call an Irishman that sits on your front porch?
On my way home yesterday, there was a delivery truck parked in front of my driveway
I guess it was an UPS-trucktion
I remember when I dropped off my son on his first day of school. He looked worried, so I asked him, “What’s wrong?” Nervously he answered, "How long do I have to go to school for?” I laughed and replied, “Until you’re 18." He nodded and thought about it quietly.
When we got to the front gates, he said, “Dad, you will remember to come and get me when I’m 18, won’t you?”
The Vietnamese mafia just opened a restaurant in town, and I think it’s a front.
It’s called Pho Get About It.
Today I asked my phone “Siri, why am I still single?”
And it activated the front camera
Spock has three pointy ears: the left ear, the right ear, and the final front ear. What does Scotty have?
What’s the difference between being in front of a car and being behind it?
If you’re in front of it you’ll be tired, if you’re behind it you’ll be exhausted
What did the front of the ship say to the back of the ship?
Leather is rated by texture.
Cows with abundant water sources usually have softer hides, they get rated A.
Cows living in dry climates, on the other hand, are usually D-hide rated
Did you know that if you scream three times “Bloody Mary” in front of the mirror in a dark room at 3 am…
…your wife will get up, switch on the light and ask you why the fuck are you screaming at that time in the night ?
You know what I like about the novel All Quiet On The Western Front?
I find the book to be remarque-able
Someone has ripped the front and back pages of my dictionary out.
It just goes from Bad to Worse.
What did Garfield's dog die of?
Why do chicken coops have two doors?
If they had four doors, they’d be chicken sedans.
Man who runs in front of car gets tired.
Man who runs behind car gets exhausted.
What is a King's favorite type of weather?
If you jog in front of a car you get tired.
If you jog behind a car you get exhausted.
I hurt my knee slipping on ice in front of the police station.
I went inside to complain but they charged me with a felony
If you run in front of a car, you'll get tired.
If you run behind it instead you'll get exhausted.
Saw a man standing on one leg in front of an ATM. I asked him "WTF", and he smiled:
what do you call a guy with no arms and no legs sitting in front of a door?
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