I need to write a bit about "digital footprints" for a class.
I figured I should throw a few foot puns in to spice things up.
However, soon I found that trouble was afoot.
I'm starting to run dry and am close to being dead on my feet.
Can I get a few extra hands (and feet) to throw in some ideas?
Toe/heel/knee puns also welcome.
"...a TOE TRUCK!!??"
A below-knee sandwich
DORI-TOES
A small medium at large.
So I decided to call a toe-truck.
now he needs a toe
TIL that the famous ancient Egyptian boy king also had club feet.
So I guess we have that in Tutankhamen
Play-toe.
.
...or was it Sock-rates?
When people meet him, they just find Himalayan there
He said it could be months until it heels.
Ankle!
but it’s really starting to grow on me
It’s row v. wade.
I think I might need a toe truck.
It was the Arch.
I'm on my toes.
Well, I'm drawing a line in the sand.
My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo
But you are coming back with high heels”. Her mom sent me a text asking me what I said that made my wife throw her phone in to her lap and groan aloud. Mission accomplished haha
Because he lacks toes and tolerance
Algorithm
Turns out they had counterfeiting charges against them
Because they always seem to get off on the wrong foot.
But so far, I'm stumped.
I had to call a toe company.
Now I have to call a toe truck.
I turned myself around
I guess she wanted to try out the avocado toes the hipsters talk about.
It's my prototype Pro Toe Type.
I literally dreamed this joke last night. Help me.
The man says, “Actually, I’m German, but how did you know my name is Walter?”
Because they like to taste defeat.
Now he is a hopster
“Nice toe meet ya.”
But everyone in the Navy can fathom it.
He walks with a strut.
It might be stupid, but 10/10 wood post again.
Unfortunately, I'm Lap toes intolerant.
Today, I woke up with thesaurus toe.
This is as close as I could get.
Guess my appetite wasn't loafing around
But he probably should have made it much longer than that.
Whoops, wrong sub.
Missile toe.
Everyone kept saying it was a faux toe shop.
So I've had to put my foot down.
A shoe!
Apparently she was lack toes intolerant
Mitosis!
He says "I swear I'll be on time from now on", then drops his watch and steps on it.
...You'll Krakatoa
Start 2020 off on the right foot.
First she hit the roof, then the light, then the roof again.
I'll reboot you
that foot would feel really uncomfortable.
Me (checking my sock): no it doesn’t!
Dad: well, how did you get your foot in?
That way you can start the new year on the right foot.
Mitosis!
... because they take so long to heel.
I said yes son, that's where you put your foot in
...we could go up to their house, find an open window and vaccinate the kid using a 10 foot syringe.
I know it's a long shot.
It hurt like the Dickens.
Men-toes
Al Gore responded: Al Gore take the stairs.
The doctor asks "did you try icing it?"
Back in the before times, when sit-down restaurants existed, I used to order boneless cheese sticks and would just throw the word "boneless" in front of any appetizer with 100% corniness. The purpose of this isn't to make a good joke. It's not a good joke. The purpose is to make my dining companions catch some cringe splash damage and want to crawl into a hole and die out of embarrassment for my being horribly corny.
But there is a real, deeper purpose that I've discovered entirely by accident. People, especially young people, are so self-conscious and worried about saying or doing something embarrassing that it taints a lot of social gatherings. They go to a restaurant and are afraid to speak up even when their order is blatantly wrong. They'll tip well even when the food took an hour to arrive and the server has disappeared into the corn stalks behind a baseball field. It takes 2 hours of hanging out together before some friends finally stop nitpicking themselves, uncomfortable in their own bodies and brains, feeling perpetually judged, and begin to relax. These are the kinds of people who go to sleep every night replaying cringey moments from high school. Their last thought of the day is when the Burger King girl said, "Enjoy your meal!" and they said, "Thanks, you too."
It takes 2 hours and/or a lot of booze before they're comfortable enough to take conversational risks and truly reveal themselves. But if I come right out of the gate with a really dumb joke, then we can cut to the chase. There's less danger because someone in the group already shot themselves in the foot, right off the bat. They pulled a pin on the cringe grenade and then jumped on it.
You cringe at my dumb joke and then we're over the hump. Someone has already done something pretty stupid, so go ahead and order the hubcap of nachos and a massive chocolate shake because nobody is going to judge you poorly while they're all judging me.
In terms of price negotiations (haggling), there is a psychological concept called "anchoring". You throw out the first number and all subsequent numbers are compared to that number. This is the same idea. We've already set the humor standard pretty low at "boneless cheese sticks", so you can say the dumbest shit you want and, as long as it's not worse than my cheesy joke, it won't matter.
This is why, when you were a teenager and your dad took you and some friends out, your dad made corny jokes. He knew they were corny jokes. You and your friends un
... keep reading on reddit ➡Because he's not Big Feet.
[5 year old nephew made this joke]
Au!
Because then it would be a foot
It’s on the right foot
Me-ow
"Same as usual," I replied. "About five foot ten."
"You are a bird of Manny talons", said Ted. Manny responded, "I really think that you are two talon Ted".
I told her it’s a long story.
Raise your right foot!
My laziness is getting a little out of hand.
Until he hit the ground.
I asked her never to bring pedi files into our house again.
"No, I'm trying to get a leg up."
(my actual amputee father)
—-Doctor, seeing a patient again at Chernobyl.
He was a small medium at large.
It might be stupid, but 10/10 wood post again.
A small medium at large.
It might be stupid, but 10/10 wood post again.
BECAUSE THEN IT WOULD BE A FOOT!
