One happened to put the letter T into a toy stacking cup I was holding. I tried to give it to him but he didn't want it.
So I turned to my other son and said, "Hmm, guess it's not his cup of T".
Neither 3yo got it so I had to tell someone.
it made a great first impression.
Because they were no spring chickens.
I told him "I don't know, I need to sleep on it"
They call that a "forget-it mattress" instead.
Dementia
They didn't approve of my scorched nerf policy.
In case the first one forgets.
I have been sleeping on one for years and it hasn't helped me remember anything.
Courtesy of my mom's coworker...
Dad: Check this out, memory foam pillows.
Me: How are they? I was thinking of getting some for myself.
Dad: They are pretty terrible...
Me: How so?
Dad: I still can't remember where I left my car keys.
ಠ_ಠ
My dad was helping me move today. I pulled the memory foam off of my mattress to make it more manageable and my dad asks, "What is that?" I told him and he quickly replied "Who was your first grade teacher?" Me being unable to answer he said with great satisfaction, "See, it doesn't work!"
I shouldn’t have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.
Blue foam everywhere, definitely not worth the money!
Be made of mammary foam?
WOOHOO! YEAH NO. 1! GO CEILING!
That’s one memory foam I bet wishes it could forget.
I said, "No, that snake's not poisonous at all."
So the boy picks up the snake which bites him, and the boy starts to spasm and foam at the mouth as the other kids look on in horror.
I continued, "But that snake is venomous. Poison is ingested or absorbed, while venom is injected. Let's get it right next time, boys."
She’s foaming at the mouth.
E.T. hone foam.
Bottle caps
It's called my smart foam
It left her foaming at the mouth.
Foam is where the art is.
Coworker was cutting slots into foam for different tools in the toolbox shelves. He was almost done when he realized he forgot the tape measure. When he went to find a place for it, he said it looks like it would be a tight fit. I looked at him and said "looks like you need to remeasure".
We were at a kid's birthday party, and there was a play mailbox. She opened it, and pulled out a big foam letter "T". I said, "Hey look, someone sent you a letter!"
Neither she nor any of the other parents got it. (Or at least let on that they did.)
My girlfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. I put my head on her chest.
ME: Your boobs make good pillows. HER: Yea they are pretty soft. ME: Are they made of mammary-foam?
She paused for a moment before groaning and eventually giving it a good chuckle. So proud.
"It was solid mahogany, with memory foam and I had just worked 12 hours and.."
SON " WRONG TYPE OF BEDTIME STORY DAD!"
Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.
Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":
- Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
- It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
- What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
- Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
- Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
- Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air Liquide America.
- If a tree falls in a Weyerhaeuser forest, someone is there to hear it -- and he has a chainsaw.
- Although not a pushover, you can walk all over Wilsonart International.
- Here's a HEICO haiku: HEICO companies/ Providing for jet engines/ In flight or on land.
- American Italian Pasta Company (AIPC) uses its noodle in many different ways.
- The golf industry doesn't mind when Aldila gives it the shaft.
- Rat-a-tat-tat and a ringa-ding-ding. What's that? Answer: The sounds emanating from Pearl, one of the world's foremost makers of drums and other percussion and musical instruments.
- Saint-Gobain Ceramics & Plastics deals powders and crystal, but there's no need to call the cops.
- Pamida Stores Operating Company offers more small-town values than a bandwagon of Republicans on the campaign trail.
- Like a tight end, offshore drilling contractor Transocean dreams of going deep but doesn't mind eating a little mud.
- Rittal me this, Batman!
- Utility Trailer Manufacturing is spreading its own brand of reefer madness.
- Who is the Fresh Prince of Sullair?
- If GrafTech International were a bard, it could wax poetic in an ode to the electrode.
- When it comes to adhesives and vibration control products, LORD knows.
- You might say that Deere & Company enjoys its customers going to seed.
- Pfizer pfabricates pfarmaceuticals pfor quite a pfew inpfirmities.
- Stripping is OK at Spraylat.
- Don't think Seton is
When making her morning coffee, she was telling me all about this new vanilla creamer in a foaming spray can she bought last night. I quickly identified my prey and pounced.
"Well... when you try it, I hope you like it a latte."
My dad literally just came out with this one. Mum and dad have just come back from shopping, and my brother had asked for shaving foam/gel. So mum says "I forgot to get you any mousse." And dad comes out with "She got you a musk ox instead." Groans were definitely heard.
I was giving my daughter a bath, she has foam letters and numbers in the bath with her. I put the number 4 on her head and say "Hey wife, check out her 4 head."
Got a groan then she took a picture to share.
Mum - I need a new memory foam pillow, this one is going flat
Dad - it must have Alzheimer's
Son: I remember laying in mommy and daddys bed last night.
Her: Well of course. It's memory foam.
He handed me this bowl of ice-cream and it ended up being hardened "Great Stuff" insulation foam covered in chocolate.
Typical Dad prank....
He was helping me pack for college. As he's carrying my memory foam mattress topper, he turns to me and says "New invention idea, breast implants made from memory foam. We'll call it Mamory Foam!"
"I bought a memory foam pillow once, but I forgot where I put it."
I shouldn’t have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.
I shouldn’t have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.
I shouldn’t have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.
I shouldn’t have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.
