My jealous neighbor, the old bastard, seeded my lawn with dandelions! But I'll get him back tonight by planting flowering plants characterized by leaves with sharp prickles on the margins...

I figure thistle be the best revenge!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2021
🚨︎ report
You can't plant flowers

if you haven't botany.

πŸ‘︎ 150
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/2040009
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2021
🚨︎ report
This happened yesterday: My wife and I were in the garden talking about which flowers to get and plant. She said that she wanted some daisies, but not too many.

I replied, β€œso just a dollop of daisies?”

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Piratesfan02
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2021
🚨︎ report
You can’t plant any flowers…

If you haven’t botany.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kbnole225
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife came home with a big bunch of flowers and says where would you like me to plant them.

I said I'll tell you where you can plant your tulips.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/timthedriller
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife wanted to plant flowers

Problem is she hasn’t botany.

πŸ‘︎ 61
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
🚨︎ report
My neighbor got mad at me for planting my flowers too close to the fence...

I told them that they were still a few yards away.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainAmerica80
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
A Dad joke planted as a seed, which took 17 years to flower.

Not quite as tragic, but it manifested into something which has haunted me at my job for years.

When I was a little kid learning about the world around me, my dad was naturally the font of all knowledge for me, He would answer all of little snippersmith's questions with his own unique insights and anecdotes teaching me of my surroundings with varying degrees of accuracy.

One day In a picture book, I encountered a photo of one of natures most bizarre creatures, the mighty duck billed platypus. Filled with curiosity of this bizarre creature and an Inability to read a young snippersmith asked his father what this creature was called, To which his father replied,

That's a Quackopotamous.....

As is a highly likely situation in day to day life the Platypus (or indeed the Quackopotamous), did not come into conversation for another 17 years, Until of course the Platypus came into conversation around the lunch table at a now grown up snippersmith's full time place of work.

I have not been allowed to forget I thought the Platypus was called a Quackopotamous, Indeed I am reminded on a daily basis by my colleagues, by my nickname Quackopotamous .

Thanks Dad.

EDIT 1: Holy Cow this took off! Gold! thank you so much.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/snippersmith
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2016
🚨︎ report
I bet they’re better dancers too πŸ˜‚ a take on the song Pretty Fly for a White Guy. Found outside a local flower/plant shop OC
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ShayButter420
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Old man Art was planting flowers in his front yard. The homeowners’ association fined him $100.

Yard Art is strictly prohibited.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I went out to my garden to plant some flowers

But i realized i hadn't botany

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AWACS-Thunderhead
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
🚨︎ report
While my wife and I were dating in high school we were at this church lock in. I said, β€œCan’t wait till we get outta here and I can plant one on ya” she said, β€œWhat kinda flower”

No hesitation I say, β€œTulips”

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vHRenegade
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Our store was closing and the plants were all lined up inside because of the big storm. We’re walking through the racks of plants and pick some flowers up. I ask my coworker,

β€œSo, got any good mum jokes?”

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mapkar
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2018
🚨︎ report
Pollen

Pollen happens when flowers can't keep it in their plants.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yukimarawins
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2021
🚨︎ report
I have seasonal allergies. A few days ago I walked outside and sneezed and my dad said I wouldn't have allergy problems if flowers could just keep it in their plants
πŸ‘︎ 80
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mattsoup
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2016
🚨︎ report
A sign at a Nursery...
πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PirateboarderLife
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Take it or leaf it
πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/moses10960
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you know that commas can change the meaning of a sentence.

For example

Ben is in a hurry

vs

Ben is in a comma

πŸ‘︎ 313
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SatanJoshKelpie22
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
🚨︎ report
The Legend of Zorro and the Bacon Tree

So this is a bit long, sorry about that.

Zorro and his best bud the Lone Ranger were riding through the desert one day, I forget where they were heading to or where they had come from, but we can safely assume shenanigans of some kind were the driving force.

They have been travelling for most of the day and are starting to get tired. There has been a discussion about making camp for the night, but as things are they have agreed to continue riding for a while longer, till the sun starts to set. Away and off to the west the Lone Ranger spies a plant that seems to have large pink flowers that hang in strips with white stripes running the length of them.

"Zorro, what's that over there?" he asks.

Zorro turns in his saddle and raises his hand to shield his eyes from the sun. "Ah, it looks like a bacon tree, quite common in these parts. Let's ride on, there is a good place an hour from now to set up camp."

The two friends ride on and as the sun is beginning to descend the have stopped and are making camp. As Zorro begins to make a fire he says to the Lone Ranger, "You know, I quite fancy some pork. You ride back to that bacon tree and get some for supper, and I'll finish setting up camp here."

"No problem Zorro, I won't be long" replies the Ranger, jumping back into the saddle and returning the way they came.

Time passes, and the sun begins to get low in the sky. 'Odd', thinks Zorro 'he should be back by now.' Another hour passes and the shadows are growing longer. 'I might have to go investigate, it's not like him to take his time.' More time passes, and, just as Zorro has decided that he must go search for his friend in the dwindling light, he hears the sound of Silver's hooves. Looking into the gathering gloom he sees his friend riding towards him. As the Lone Ranger nears Zorro can see the Lone Ranger is injured, there are cuts and bruises and he has an arrow through his hat.

"What on earth happened, Lone Ranger? Did you make it to the Bacon tree?"

The Lone Ranger dismounts and sighs heavily.

"That weren't no Bacon tree, Zorro. That was an Hambush."

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife wanted to start a garden this spring.

I told her "well you can't plant any flowers if you haven't botany"

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CptBitter
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
🚨︎ report
My boss put a plant on my desk

So earlier, my boss put a plant on my desk with some flowers on the bottom and then a weird stick plant thing reaching out from the top. One of the guys as he headed out said, "Wow, nice plant."

Me: "I thought I would really try to reach my roots and branch out a bit. It seems to be working."

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Uldyr
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2016
🚨︎ report
Flowers

I bought flowers for my garden. They were obviously male flowers, but after they went into the ground, they were female.

I guess I trans-planted them correctly.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/levithane
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2017
🚨︎ report
You can't plant flowers

if you haven't botany.

πŸ‘︎ 250
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mama_Bear15
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2021
🚨︎ report
You cannot plant flowers..

if you haven't botany.

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LovesMusic25
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2021
🚨︎ report
You can’t plant flowers

if you haven’t botany.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/weepingwillows123
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2021
🚨︎ report
No, you can't plant flowers

If you haven't botany.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CharlieFoxtrot432
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2021
🚨︎ report
I told my wife she can't plant any flowers

Because she hasn't botany.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MartianHunter420
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2021
🚨︎ report
You can’t plant flowers...

...if you haven’t botany.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/King_Arthur24
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2021
🚨︎ report
You can't plant any flowers

If you haven't botany.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chihiro_yoru
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
🚨︎ report
You can’t plant flowers...

...if you haven’t botany

πŸ‘︎ 378
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PirateboarderLife
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
🚨︎ report
You can’t plant flowers...

...if you haven’t botany.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Advaldinho
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report
You can’t plant flowers if

You haven’t Botany

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NicJ20
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
🚨︎ report
How are you going to plant any flowers

If you haven’t botany?

πŸ‘︎ 63
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/betchhxx
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
🚨︎ report
You can't plant flowers if you haven't botany.
πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/twofirstkinds
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2018
🚨︎ report
You can't plant flowers if you haven't botany.
πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jupiiters
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2017
🚨︎ report
You can't plant flowers

if you haven't botany

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nathann4288
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2020
🚨︎ report
You Can’t Plant Flowers...

...if you haven’t Botany

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PirateboarderLife
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Why couldn't my neighbor plant any flowers?

They hadn't botany

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lilAKoof
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
🚨︎ report
You cant plant any flowers if you havent botany
πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HisNameIsJeffTris
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
🚨︎ report
You can't plant flowers

If you haven't botany

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BassWizard420
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2019
🚨︎ report
You can’t plant any flowers

if you haven’t botany

πŸ‘︎ 52
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sicariusdiem
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2019
🚨︎ report
You can’t plant flowers if you haven’t botany.
πŸ‘︎ 293
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/astrotypical
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2018
🚨︎ report
You can’t plant any flowers if you haven’t botany
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
🚨︎ report
You can’t plant any flowers....

If you haven’t botany!!!!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/oldwahsatch
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Spring is here but I can't plant flowers yet...

I haven't botany

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mishek-dev
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2019
🚨︎ report
You can’t plant flowers

If you haven’t botany

πŸ‘︎ 65
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hyrule_hobo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2018
🚨︎ report
You can't plant any flowers...

If you haven't botany.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dubstepman87
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2018
🚨︎ report
Pollen...

When the flowers can't keep it in their plants!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dojustly
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2021
🚨︎ report

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