My uncles petshop really started doing well when he started selling parrots. They literally flew of the shelves.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Feb 09 2021
Last time I flew my plane a Navy pilot checked his speed right after me. Ground said he was doing 761 mph.
Knot gonna lie I think he was mach-ing me.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Mar 02 2021
An old woman flew overseas for the first time.
She said it was an uplifting experience
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 25 2021
I was milking a cow and a fly flew in its ear.
I thought, thatβs weird, I just kept milking. A while later, the same fly showed up in the milk bucket. I guess thatβs what they say: in one ear, out the udder.
Edit: corrected an udder failure.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Dec 13 2020
Did you hear about the mummy that just woke up and is still convinced heβs ruler of Egypt? When told βthatβs impossibleβ he flew into a rage, ran away, and jumped in a river.
People say heβs in da Nile
π︎ 14
π
︎ Dec 25 2020
What do you call a flamingo that flew into a wall?
π︎ 9
π
︎ Dec 01 2020
I just flew in from a Transformers convention.
And boy my arms are tires.
π︎ 21
π
︎ Oct 29 2020
Why did Chewbacca crash the Millennium Falcon the first time he flew it
π︎ 21
π
︎ Oct 07 2020
An insect just flew into my room and exploded...
I think it was a Jihaddy long legs.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 04 2020
I recently found a round, black piece of plastic, with a hole in the middle and grooves on both sides. I picked it up and threw it. It flew for more than 300 yards.
I'm sure that must have been a record.
π︎ 457
π
︎ May 26 2020
I just flew in from Chernobyl,
and boy are my arms legs.
π︎ 84
π
︎ Jul 07 2020
My son and I were hunting when we scared up a flock of mallards and geese. They farted as they flew away...
"That was fowl," I told my son.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Aug 12 2020
My burger flew away today
π︎ 6
π
︎ Aug 12 2020
The comments on the post of a video where a man who flew from Emirates (using hot air balloons) and was found in Oman in a critical condition. I doubt if that video Israel..
π︎ 39
π
︎ Feb 29 2020
Bird flew into the window today. No fowl play suspected as of now.
π︎ 12
π
︎ May 13 2020
What did they call the wright brothers after they flew away?
π︎ 8
π
︎ May 03 2020
The Monkees are touring Switzerland and my wife threatened to leave me unless we flew out there to see them. I thought she was joking.......
Then I saw her face, Now we're in Geneva.
π︎ 21
π
︎ May 08 2020
I was making a sandwich and all of a sudden it flew away
π︎ 8
π
︎ Apr 16 2020
The comments on the post of a video where a man who flew from Emirates (using hot air balloons) and was found in Oman in a critical condition. I doubt if that video Israel..
π︎ 21
π
︎ Feb 29 2020
What did the bee say when he flew inside a sports car?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jul 01 2020
A guy just flew straight at my ultralight in his jet and gave me an unpleasant look...
π︎ 3
π
︎ May 22 2020
During George's administration, the Taliban flew a plane into the twin towers
I guess they weren't beating around the Bush.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Mar 26 2020
What did the optometrist say when the Russian aircraft flew past at lightning speed?
He felt it might have been an optical Illyushin
π︎ 6
π
︎ Mar 28 2020
Did you hear about the astronaut that accidentally flew out into open space?
He couldn't understand the gravity of the situation.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Feb 06 2020
Just flew in from Asgard
And boy, are my arms Thor!
π︎ 54
π
︎ Jun 30 2019
I was at the beach today and there was a group of pelicans not doing anything. I concentrated hard on one pelican and suddenly if flew out to the water, snagged a fish in his bill and flew back to shore. "Wow", I thought to myself..
Pelikinesis is a real thing.
π︎ 25
π
︎ Aug 23 2019
Icarus flew too close to the sun and failed miserably.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Oct 05 2019
One thing is for certain about the men who invented, built, and flew the world's first successful airplane at Kitty Hawk...
They were the Wright brothers for the job
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 06 2019
They flew right over her head.
π︎ 38
π
︎ Aug 23 2018
This pun flew over most people's heads.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Feb 25 2018
Had an unexpected confrontation with death today. Damn bug flew right into my eye.
Iβm still trying to get some closure.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jul 05 2019
Did you hear about the cow who flew away in the tornado ?
π︎ 21
π
︎ Sep 14 2018
My mom got in a bicycle wreck today after a wasp flew into her shirt. This is what my dad said:
"When people ask, mom can just say "you should see the other guy. He reached down my shirt, we got in a fight, and I killed him!""
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jul 30 2019
A bug flew into my mouth
Oh heck what's the name of it? it's on the tip of my tongue...
π︎ 13
π
︎ May 13 2019
Two melons flew to Vegas to get married, but one of them called it off at the last minute.
He said, βIt may be easy for you to say βhun, I doβ, but I cantaloupe.β
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jun 26 2019
If I flew a plane in the Caribbeanβs
Would I be a pilot of the Caribbeanβs?
π︎ 3
π
︎ May 23 2019
Just flew in from L.A!
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jun 13 2019
My wife flew back from a family visit and arrived with many suitcases
Thereβs a lot to unpack here
π︎ 5
π
︎ May 07 2019
So I entered my pet moth Effy in a flying race... I was so proud of her... She was in the lead the entire race! But just before the finish, another moth came out of nowhere and flew past her at the finish line to win...
Have you ever seen a moth bawl?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Apr 04 2019
A flock of geese flew on to my back porch yesterday
I guess you could say they were Portuguese
π︎ 7
π
︎ Feb 17 2019
I flew home to Canada from Europe yesterday. I woke up this morning and said to my dad "my arms hurt. I'm not sure why. I feel like I worked out or something". Without skipping a beat, my dad:
"Huh. Must be from all that flying you did"
π︎ 10
π
︎ Dec 16 2018
Jim was riding his bike with his friend Bill when he hit a pothole and flew over his handlebars...
He was badly injured, and yelled to his friend, "Quick! Call me a doctor!"
Bill said, "I don't really see how that will help, but if you insist: 'You're a doctor!'"
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 29 2019
Did you hear the one about the brave bird that never flew from danger?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Feb 06 2019
Did I ever tell you about the guy milking a cow? A fly flew into the cowβs ear, and a few seconds later, him milked out the fly!
But ya know what they say, in one ear, out the udder
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jun 18 2018
Chewbacca crashed the Millenium Falcon the first time he flew it.
π︎ 149
π
︎ May 30 2020
I just flew in from a Transformers convention
And boy are my arms tires
π︎ 110
π
︎ Apr 29 2020
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