Spot on!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bafferlf
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
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We were at the aquarium. All dads in the vicinity made the same joke.....

There was a man cleaning a tank but all you could see was his hand. My dad leans to me and says "look! It's a rare hand fish."

The dad next to us with his two kids said "look everyone? Do you see the hand fish? That ones my favorite."

As we walked a way another family walked up and I heard their dad say "here we have the hand fish."

Edit: I told my dad about the response this is getting, to which he replied "Wow. Is it going viral? Should I call my doctor?" (Keep in mind he doesn't know how the internet works.)

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2015
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How do you reattach a severed thumb?

With a finger nail

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mtcarr79
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
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There was a suspicious β€˜accident’ at a construction site. The police investigated all the workers at the job site . . .

It looked like foul play. The mason wasn’t a suspect. He had a concrete alibi. The night of the accident he said he was with his girlfriend. She confirmed this. There was a wall of evidence. Consequently his alibi was rock solid and not just a facade. There was damning evidence that it was the plumber. They figured his alibi, that he was at the casino, wouldn’t hold water. But cameras showed fluid betting all night. This, obviously, threw a wrench in the investigation. The investigators followed a lead to the electrician. He had a shocking secret. It seems the electrician had been charged with battery only months earlier. But it was a dead end. They looked at the HVAC installer, but his alibi was airtight. Next, they tried to nail the Roofer, as he had been spouting off about the victim the day of the accident. But the roofer had been hammered all day. There was no way they could paint him as the cunning mastermind.

Then they saw the writing on the wall: the painter had both motive and opportunity. He was seen canvassing the accident site a few strokes before midnight when the accident occurred. The victim fell off a faulty ladder that was covered in finger paint. It seems the victim and the painter had a few brush-ins before. And it wasn’t a pretty picture. The painter was indicted, but despite all the evidence, the charges didn’t stick and the jury let him roll off clean.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dirty_Entendre
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2018
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Made this joke at work yesterday.

I was scanning a lady’s items at work yesterday, when the horrid sound of thousand finger nails running down a thousand chalkboards is heard nearby. It was a lady pushing a broken cart around. The customer I was checking out said β€œwow sounds like the cart needs to be retired”, to which I replied β€œma’am, that cart works in a grocery store, it’s not retiring anytime soon.”. She didn’t laugh.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2019
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5 year old daughter Dad joked Dad.

My daughter and I were walking through the mall yesterday and asked if we could buy one of those Frozen decorative finger nail sets.

I told her, "No, we are only window shopping today." She with the most smug look I have ever seen replies back with "We don't need a new window."

She got that nail kit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/archer66
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2015
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Doughnut you wish you could make your wife and daughter laugh?

I was holding my daughter's hand as she was throwing a fit while getting her nails clipped by my wife. To calm her down, I asked her when her fingers had turned into doughnuts.

sniff Doughnuts? sniff

Yeah, Doughnuts. It's obvious that you've got some bearclaws

crickets

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πŸ‘€︎ u/1-adam-12
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2014
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Dad-Joked by a 4 year-old

I was painting my niece's nails today and she wanted the little fingers to be orange. I painted one hand, then asked for the other.

She said, "Which nail will you paint first?"

I said, "The pinkie."

And she goes, "you mean the 'orangie'".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/csjo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2014
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My uncle said this to me while I was doing my nails (x-post RedditLaqueristas)

I had just finished painting my nails when my aunt and uncle came over. My nails were all black, except my ring fingers which were a deep red. My uncle asked me why some of my nails were a different color. "It's called an accent nail. They're really in style." I informed him. "More like accident nail!" He then proceeded to laugh quite a bit at his own joke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/annielemoose
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2013
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