Feta Cheese Puns

Wife: I got this feta cheese from the new Mediterranean market in town. It's so good!

Me: there was a famine in Lebanon a few years ago where they used that cheese to end the crisis.

Wife: ...

Me: it feta lotta people.

Wife: I hate you

I kept my tone level and I didn’t raise my voice, but I begged and begged the chef to add some crumbled goat cheese to the recipe. But unfortunately it was too late as it had already gone into the oven.

It was a feta calm plea.

Who am I to diss a brie?

I've been making dad jokes for years but my wife and I are expecting our first child and I've finally been making dad jokes while actually being a dad.

When we were in the hospital I got my wife a blanket. What was awesome was they were kept in this machine that was specifially made to heat blankets. I laid the blanket over my wife and siad. "do you think they keep these at womb temperature?" I heard a nurse laugh for a solid 3 minutes.

This is my legacy.

We had been cooking dinner, and my wife commented (after one too many comments about 'Gouda being gooda and Feta being Betta') that it seemed like most of my puns tend to be food puns.

So I drew her a diagram. I started with a huge circle to represent all of my puns. Inside that I drew a large circle filling about 90% of it.

"Those are my food puns."

I then drew another circle, this one about half the size of the food circle, with almost all of it inside the food circle.

"And these are my cheese puns."

My wife immediately called me out, pointing at the sliver that was outside of the food circle.

"Shouldn't this be fully inside the other circle?"

"No," I say, "Those puns are rare, but they tend to be cheesiest."

That way I could have math and feta cheese.

So storytime... My wife and I were talking about my overuse of puns, and food/cheese puns in particularly (that's goud-a but this one's feta, etc.) I ended up drawing a Venn diagram.

The largest circle was my total puns, inside it was a second circle representing food puns, with a third showing cheese puns. I was trying to show that a majority of all of my puns are food related, and many of those are cheese related.

Something like this: http://i.imgur.com/nPdi07H.jpg

My wife immediately told me I did it wrong, that some of the cheese circle was outside of the food puns.

I told her that those are rare, but are often the cheesiest.

I think a lot of cheeses are feta than goat, you'd agree as you as you Edam. You don't know what you're SWISSing out on. It'd Brie a shame if you never tried them.

My mom decided to get a gyro, and in the process of eating it, some of the cheese fell on the table. Dad said we shouldn't worry about it. "Why not?" "Because it isn't real."

At this point we still had no idea what was coming. "Why isn't it real, dad?"

"It's Counter-feta."