I ran over a nail and popped my tire when my wife and I left the farmers market.

I should have bought asparagus.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 73
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Durty_Rick_Sanchez
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 24 2021
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My girlfriend and I were just touring the farmerโ€™s market - she said one of the tables had some red hot chilli peppers, and asked if I wanted some.

I said, only if theyโ€™re givinโ€™ โ€˜em away, givinโ€™ โ€˜em away, givinโ€™ โ€˜em away now.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 12
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ARCdotcom
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 13 2021
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Did you hear about the lettuce farmer who was murdered on his way to the farmers' market?

They found his romaines at the scene of the crime.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/JakeIsTheEnemy
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 16 2021
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The first time I saw her, at her honey stall at the farmers market, I knew right away...

...she was a keeper.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 14
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/hover-lovecraft
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
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I got kicked out of the Farmerโ€™s Market today.

I was disturbing the peas.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/FinalCaveat
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
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Wife and I got a flat tire driving back from the farmerโ€™s market

I should have bought asparagus

๐Ÿ‘︎ 184
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/The_Nightman_82
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
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I met a real nice vendor at a farmer's market, he was promoting this.
๐Ÿ‘︎ 1k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/megabits
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 07 2017
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An aspiring beekeeper went to a farmerโ€™s market to pick up a small hive. They placed an order for a dozen bees. When picking up the bees, the seller handed them a case of thirteen bees. Noticing the extra bee, the keeper pointed it out to the seller.

The seller said, โ€œOh, that last one is a freebee!โ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 31
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/gothwhopper
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
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Why did the DJ go to the farmers' market?

To get some fresh beets.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 96
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/litig8tor
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
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I work at a farmer's market.

I'd say that makes me a profreshinal.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ItsKilLikeMine
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
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Wen't to the farmers market.

My wife bought some duck eggs at the farmers market the other day. I told make sure you don't drop them or they might quack open.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 19
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/cajunjon
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 07 2017
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Why was the man at the farmer's market so awestruck after an attractive customer bought all his fruit?

She left him peachless.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Eleventhearlofmar
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 12 2018
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Why isn't Eminem allowed in the Farmer's Market?

He can't stop dropping fresh beets.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 28
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/El_Milchy
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 22 2014
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
We were at a French farmer's market

My wife was so impressed with the quality of the leeks, she posted a picture of them to Facebook. I told her she should have posted it to WikiLeaks.

She didn't speak to me for the rest of the visit.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/SlapDashUser
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 22 2016
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What do they sell at the winter farmer's market?

Frozen Vegetables

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/somososos
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 23 2016
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I told my dad that I went to the farmers market today...

He asked me if my trip was fruitful.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/mattmccarty
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 24 2015
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itโ€™s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itโ€™s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I donโ€™t think itโ€™s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

Thereโ€™s a new type of broom out, itโ€™s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels canโ€™t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, itโ€™s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldnโ€™t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didnโ€™t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit โžก

๐Ÿ‘︎ 22
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/communist_scumbag
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Corn

So I went to the farmers market the other day and I saw pirate selling whole corn on the cob... I asked him โ€œhow much is your corn?โ€

He replied โ€œA buccaneer!โ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/foxrox2020
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Two livestock farmers were sat in the pub arguing over the governmentโ€™s upcoming ban on exporting live animals...

The beef cattle farmer thought it was a silly policy and would greatly reduce his income from selling meat overseas....

The pig farmer disagreed, he thought it was a great opportunity for livestock farmers to benefit from higher profit margins in a strong domestic market with fewer overheads.

Feeling very passionate after a few beers, the beef farmer says to the pig farmer:

โ€œThis time in 12 months, the government will have repealed this policy because itโ€™s such a terrible idea... in fact, Iโ€™m willing to bet on it. If Iโ€™m wrong, and they donโ€™t repeal it, Iโ€™ll give you my prized cow, Daisy. But if Iโ€™m right, and they do repeal it, you have to give me free bacon for a yearโ€.

The pig farmer is confident that the policy will be a success and wonโ€™t be repealed. So he says โ€œdealโ€.

The beef farmer carries on:

โ€œActually, I think this policy is going to be such a terrible failure that Iโ€™ll need to sell half of my cows to stay afloat... in fact, Iโ€™m willing to bet on it. If Iโ€™m wrong, and this policy doesnโ€™t mean I need to sell half my cows, Iโ€™ll give you free steaks for a year. But if Iโ€™m right, and I do need to sell half my cows, you have to give me your prized boar, pumbaโ€.

The pig farmer is confident that the beef farmer wonโ€™t need to sell any cows. So he says โ€œdealโ€.

12 months pass following the introduction of the live export ban. The government hasnโ€™t repealed the policy, but unfortunately the beef farmer has had to sell most of his cows.

Both farmers reconvene at the pub. The beef farmer says to the pig farmer:

โ€œWell, it seems you were right about one thing but wrong about the other...

So... You may have won the cattle, but youโ€™ve lost the boar!โ€.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/dens382
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 02 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My dad was somehow prepared to drop this once in a lifetime line...

The circumstances for this joke were so specific I don't think it will ever be repeated.

Yesterday morning I stopped by my parent's house and my mom had just made coffee. She buys "raw unfiltered honey" from a local farmers market to sweeten the coffee. First she handed my dad his cup, then she was about to put a spoonful of honey in mine when she stopped and said "there's something in this honey!"

I looked at it and it was literally a bee's hairy little leg. I looked in the jar and found one more. I said "its no big deal, im sure its fine", then I picked out the legs. Just then my dad takes a big sip and makes an "Ahhh" sound like he's satisfied. He then holds up the cup and smiles at us like he's in a 1950's Folgers commercial and says "This coffee is the BEE'S KNEES!"

It was epic.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 184
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/robinson217
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 26 2014
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itโ€™s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itโ€™s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I donโ€™t think itโ€™s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

Thereโ€™s a new type of broom out, itโ€™s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels canโ€™t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, itโ€™s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldnโ€™t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didnโ€™t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit โžก

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itโ€™s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itโ€™s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I donโ€™t think itโ€™s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

Thereโ€™s a new type of broom out, itโ€™s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels canโ€™t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, itโ€™s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldnโ€™t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit โžก

๐Ÿ‘︎ 77
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Josvys
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
If you're looking for some fresh beets

I recommend the farmer's market.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/pyrrhios
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report

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