A list of puns related to "Exorcism"
Itβs been repossessed
Itβs when the devil tells a priest to exit the childβs body.
So she was repossessed
They said if I didnβt pay it back on time Iβd get repossessed.
You get repossessed.
Her house was repossessed...
She got repossessed
If I donβt pay it back, Iβm going to get repossessed.
His house was repossessed.
At first the curse just brought him bad luck, causing vital equipment to break and provoking frequent but small injuries to him and his crew. Soon, however, the curse darkened and diggers the man had hired to help work his claim began to die in bizarre ways.
One was killed by an African scorpion that should never have made it to Alaska, let alone have survived the cold. A second drank a gallon of the mercury used to separate the gold from the ore. A third was found with a tree growing up through his body.
The man himself who owned the claim became more and more pale. His eyes became all white. His skin began to give off an overpowering smell of sulfur. He slept all day and at night he wandered the mountain above his claim, coming back each day looking more like a beast than a man.
The curse became so bad the last worker alive ran away to the nearest town to tell the authorities what was happening at the claim.
In an attempt to save the claim owner's life and lift the curse, a priest was brought in by dogsled to perform an exorcism on the man.
A sherriff from the town came with the priest as a bodyguard.
The exorcism was long, but apparently successful. Immediately the man's color returned, the sulfur smell disappeared, and he was able to sleep through the night for the first time in six months.
After the man awoke, the sherriff immediately arrested the man and brought him back to town with the priest. Standing in front of the judge, the sherriff was asked what charge the law had against the claim owner whose life had just been so dramatically turned around.
The sherriff looked at the man, then looked back at the judge and said in a slow and rumbling voice, "Possession as a miner."
It was a sunny afternoon in the city, and a 29 foot Amazonian Anaconda slithered into a hipster burger store. The snake slithered up to the counter and looked over the menu to find that everything was gluten free. The anaconda was disappointed, because he always found that the light fluffy bread on each end of his burger was his favorite part of the burger.
The clerk greeted him with a smile. "Hello! My name is Hyun! Can I take your order?" he said.
The anaconda responded with a sentence so foul I cannot type it here. It contained several swear words and many racial slurs against his server, all because the burgers would be served without buns.
Hyun reeled back in disgust. He requested an apology from the snake. Again, the anaconda belted out horrible curses and vulgarities.
Hyun, being the good Christian man that he is, said that he would call upon his good friend Sister Alice to perform an exorcism on the snake if he didn't leave. The snake finally slithered out upon hearing this.
About an hour later, the anaconda slithered back in with his owner. They approached the counter.
"Now what seems to be the problem here?" Said the anaconda's owner.
"This snake came in swearing up a storm and causing all kind of trouble all because we don't serve gluten in this restaurant" said Hyun.
"I threatened to call my friend Sister Alice to perform an exorcism if he didn't leave."
"Oh" said the anaconda's owner "Sorry about that. My Anaconda don't want nun unless you got buns, Hyun".
My dad's joke this morning: A man asked a priest to exorcise the demons in him. So the priest came and did the exorcism. When it came time to pay the priest for services rendered, the man couldn't pay, so the priest had the man reposessed. groan
Edit: spelling
We were at the register and the cashier says "Oh my gosh! You *pointing at my sister* look like the girl from The Last Exorcism!"
After a little semi-awkward dialogue, I asked if the cashier was talking about the person who gets exercised in the film, and she says yes.
Without skipping a beat, I look over to my sister and say "THAT MAKES YOU MY EXORSISTER!"
She then digs her face into the counter with the "Yup. This is what I live with" face
It's when the demon takes the priest out of the child.
You get repossessed.
They get repossessed
Do you get repossessed?
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