On a video of a custom 2 Fort map that excludes the middle area (Team Fortress 2)
You know what they say about hindsight!
An open letter to the mods of r/dadjokes:
ABCDEFGHIJKLMNQRSTUVWXYZ
If you came here looking for an OP, you got it.
A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree, when it shouted, “Wait! I’m a talking tree!"
The lumberjack grinned and said: “And you will dialogue.”
We all know where the Big Apple is but do you know where the...
What's a decent Asian stereotype?
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
I keep having this dream about a horse in full battle armor.
Actually it's probably more of a knight mare.
Mods are asleep, so here's an imperial ruler
High mass in the extraordinary form
My daughter got scared when she had her first period
I told her it was an ovary action.
“Did someone say doobie?”——Snoop Dogg.
The culprit is a major D.
What’s green and fuzzy and if it falls out of a tree could kill you?
I keep asking what LGBT stands for
But I never get a straight answer.
Massive leak in the bathrooom
There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.
Only a fraction of people understand that joke.
Why was Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditioned it.
Jazz music is evil.
It promotes sax and violins.
My sister majored in Philosophy. I saw her sobbing the other day, worried she won’t get a job.
I said, “Are you having an existential cry, sis?”
How many stars do you want ?
What animal has the biggest boobs?
I can always tell, just by looking, when someone is lying.
I can also tell when they're standing.
EDIT: from https://jokeriot.com
He is no longer worried about a receding heir line.
Husband told me he'd gotten me a 14-carat diamond. Sigh.
What do spanish programmers code in?
Why does Waldo wear a striped shirt?
Well, he sure doesn't want to be spotted
Did you hear about the mother who gave birth to her baby while she was in the sky?
I guess you can say the baby was airborne
Edit: Sorry if the joke is terrible, I just made it up.
Wendy Williams' career must be playing Oregon Trail...
Because it's about to die from dissin' Terry.
The other day I brought myself a universal remote and thought to myself well this changes everything.
A Dad walks into a bookstore and says, “ Can I have a book by Shakespeare?” “Of course, sir, which one?”
I teach high school English and this is my go to:
Student: “Hey can you check this to see if it’s right?”
Student hands me their writing.
Me, holding their paper upside down: “well, first of all, it’s written upside down.”
And then I give it back to them and walk away as if nothing happened.
If I go bald, I'm going to get rabbits tattooed all over my head.
Because, from a distance, they'll look like hares.
Why can't the T-rex clap?
My wife keeps telling me writing my V's as B's makes me Russian. Well, if that's the case..
It's often said that Bach had a bad memory...
To remember to write music, he had to write himself a note.
Did you hear about the chicken that sniffed too much curry powder?
He got so ill he fell into a korma!
This is the time of the year when I get really annoyed when everyone writes “X” instead of “Christ.”
I calm myself down by playing my Christ Box 360.
A mathematician walks into a bar, asks for a beer for himself, and then 10 beers for everyone else there.
The bartender says, “Wow! That’s a different order of magnitude.”
Don't you light things for me like that.
Why did the math teacher search the fridge?
Because they were looking for pi.
Ok I know this is bad but shut up
Why does Kim Jong-Un like books?
Because he is the supreme reader
Tonight I'm gonna have possum soup made from Himalayan Possum,
Because I found Himalayan on the road.
What kind of prize do you give someone who hasn't moved a muscle in over a year?
I think it's neat to order whisky, no ice
Everytime I type vulva, my phone changes it to Volvo
What kind of car starts with P
None...They almost all usually use gas or diesel.
What the duck is going on here
The first French fries weren’t cooked in France.
They were cooked in Greece.
What does a lion, a giraffe, and an elephant wear to the beach? A...
If an ocean forms a channel through a body of land, and no one's around to hear it...
If my current career doesn't work out, I might have a future in stripping.
Why did the cranberry sauce cross the road?
To get to the other sides.
My Dad's reaction whenever he's given a cup of tea which is understrength
"Urgh, If this was any weaker... it'd be a fortnight"
(Looks around for approval from the family)
Where do sick boats go to get better?
To the dock.
Heard it this morning on the Irish classic fm. Loved it!
I know it’s not gneiss to say it, but..
How do you catch a mag fish?
This business has a Nietzhche market.
What’s the difference between Def Leppard and a chicken?
A chicken has two drumsticks.
What do you call a piece of tube-shaped pasta that watched too much anime?
[REQUEST] Star Wars Bird Puns
Working on a little something. Give me your best and I will include you in the credits.
So far I only have: Coo Skywalker
Edit: thanks for all the replies! I will post game here soon, and pm those whose puns I end up using.
What do you call a miniature Yoda?
Osama bin laden took a ancestry test and found out he was 78% middle eastern 8% chololate and 14% coconut
It was due to the bounty on his head
I saw a critic of dramatic musicals pick up some women. He's a smooth opera rater.
This ice cream was mint for me
Why would Paul Muad'Dib make a great dessert chef?
He's got flans within flans.
Tennis tournament in progress
What, it's still going on?
Isn't Wimble-done yet??
What to do when your phone is too bright
I went bobsleighing the other day...
I recently started a diet where I would have honey with each meal
turns out i couldn't stick to it
So a snake walks in to a bar
The bartender says, "How'd you do that?"
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