I feel like if my family and friends were selecting the epitaph for my tombstone they would go with "He meant well."

Especially if my last words were "Help! I fell in the wall!"

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bleacher_seat
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
A prostitutes epitaph

At last she sleeps alone.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/venki131
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2018
🚨︎ report
I want my epitaph to say, "nothing"

Because nothing is set in stone

πŸ‘︎ 79
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Archada
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2016
🚨︎ report
What did the epitaph read on James Watt's grave?

You will be mist.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DavidJM_Arts
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2017
🚨︎ report
My future epitaph in case I kick the bucket:
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thefizzynator
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2016
🚨︎ report
Putting up the wrong headstone is a grave mistake

Epitaphs never written:

I never thought I'd live to see this day come

Here lies a great photographer, he died from overexposure

She wrote a best selling book
- Paige Turner

Here lies Claire Voyant
She never saw it coming...

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/techtornado
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Which of the saints could predict the future?

Saint Cristobal

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_thechancellor_
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Collection of dadness

I am not a dad at the moment, but I've learned the art of pretty clever puns in college. Some are mine, some are spins on inspirations, others are more on the joke side of dad.

What does a radioactive cat have?
18 half-lives

Ventriloquists are like psychiatrists, they both talk through things.

What is my vision?
To make the world 10% better?
No, it's about 20/20...

The invention of the shovel was truly a groundbreaking discovery.

Dad: I invested in some uranium, but I lost money.
Friend: What happened?
Dad: The Profit decayed.

We have received a report of a hole being discovered in the ground, our investigative team is looking into it.

There was an explosion at a local film manufacturing company, the story is still developing as we speak.

A local theater put together an act about jokes.
It was a play on words

SΓΈ, I hΓͺΓ‘rd yΓΆΕ« lΓ¬kΓ« fΓΆrΓ©igΓ± aΓ§Δ‡Δ“Ε„tΕ‘

As an airline mechanic would say, the job has lots of ups and downs.

My New Years resolution will probably be 25 megapixels, or 4K, not sure yet...

There was a river in Egypt no one believed existed, it was known locally as De-Nile.

Dad-Epitaph:
I thought I'd never live to see this day come.

There are two things that are guaranteed to open doors in life.
Push and Pull!

(How to keep an idiot in suspense)
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

A man builds robotic snakes for a living, I guess you could say he was a... python programmer!

A researcher's obsession with mixing stone, sand, lime, and water has yielded concrete results.

A madman once attacked a rider on his horse.
The rider had to goto hospital, the horse remains in stable condition.

A man bought a paper shop, it blew away in the wind last night.

Science is all about learning the rules, setting off an absurd amount of explosives, and then writing down what happened.

It has recently been discovered that scientific research causes cancer in rats.

Dad: Did you pick up your room?
Kid: No, I tried but it's too heavy.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/techtornado
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2018
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.