My math teacher called me average...

How mean!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JayZGatsby
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
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Students can now enroll in weed-growing classes.

It's a high school.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoomRulz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
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I enrolled in a course entitled β€œBasic Origami for halfwits”.

You’re probably thinking β€œWhy?”

Well, the answer is twofold.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2020
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to get into firefighter school

you need to stop drop enroll

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πŸ‘€︎ u/invertedparadX
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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I'm thinking of enrolling my puppy in school

I want her to get her dog-ree

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πŸ‘€︎ u/turnturn1225
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2019
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I heard that mixed race babies are really good looking.

So I enrolled both my kids in the hurdles and 100m sprint.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dudecancode
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
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Why did the belly dancer quit her job?

Because she hated waisting time

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ADTO97
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
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Did you hear about the kid who tried to learn Karate on his own?

Well, after a lot of trial and error, he finally came to his Senseis.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrBeardOfDeath
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
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My uncle is an OG dad, schooling us all

Blatantly stolen from my Uncles Facebook page (link in comments):

Uncle: I'm proud of myself. Instead of goofing off this summer, I chose to go back to school and better myself. I enrolled in a course and have spent the past few weeks in intense study, finally passing the final exam today with a score of 100% - a score that I'm pretty sure they don't see too often. It's not often that I toot my own horn, but this time I think I really deserve it. Thank you to everyone who helped me achieve my goal!

Friend: Congratulations! What subject?

Uncle: It was Traffic School. Speeding ticket. The system wanted me to fail.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlphaSquad1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2019
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I almost went to Astronaut school as a kid

It’s just, when my parents went to enroll me, we found out they were outer space.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kshiau
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2018
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What does the forest put in its house?

Fir-nature.

My 5 year old told this at dinner. Either she heard it somewhere or I need to enroll her in Comedy school. What's the verdict?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mitks07
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2017
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If they named schools after their most famous alums.

Actual conversation with my wife this afternoon.

Me: If they named schools after their most famous alum, then I would have gone to "Duane, 'The Rock' Johnson High."

Wife: I suppose so.

Me: Home Economics enrollment would go through the roof.

Wife: confused Why?

Me: So they could smell what The Rock is cooking.

Wife: Oh God, you are SUCH a Dad.

Edit: I apparently can't apostrophe.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AtomicChicken
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2015
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My own dad doesn't appreciate dad jokes
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πŸ‘€︎ u/batalpaca
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2013
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What did Rick Astley get when he signed up for College?

Rick enRolled

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dragonmind
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2016
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My son just bumped his head [help]

OK, this just happened: bumped head, bag of frozen veggies, < enter dad stage left (the doorway, stage right is a window, and it's shut).>

Me: what happened little man? Him: <he explains> Me: So... mummy peed on your head? <Wife smirks condescendingly> Him: what?

Now, this is what I need help with, it's not the first time this has happened either, the wife goes on for a minute or so explaining how "wee" is sometimes called "pee" and how I'm deliberately misunderstanding him for comic effect.

If this wasn't bad enough he then howls with laughter for about five minutes getting me to repeat what I said again and again, all the while jumping around in the bed and generally totally cured by my comedic genius.

This isn't the way it's meant to be, is it? Can I enrol in a local parenting class, or should I send my wife to couples therapy?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/created4this
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2016
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