My most enlightening appliance is my alarm clock.

Whenever it rings, I get woke!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thoxis1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
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Enlightening
πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/psyckmemes
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2019
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In search of spiritual enlightenment, I travelled to India and encountered a mystic sage that worshipped flat bread and flat bread only.

He was a naan believer.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JuliusJustice
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2021
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I'm glad my friend enlightened me on this deal
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bflowwolf
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
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I'm holding a 17th Century Party, and all the Enlightenment thinkers can swing by - except one.

Immanuel Kan't.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Supah_Cole
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
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How do lesser cheeses reach enlightenment?

They study the teachings of the Gouda.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyDumbHumor
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
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I don’t know if this is a scam or not? I’ve just received a phone call saying I’ve won $250 or 2 tickets for an Elvis Presley tribute show...

Then it said just press 1 for the money, 2 for the show

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tinnber
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2021
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We have reached a stage of enlightenment ladies and gentlemen
πŸ‘︎ 293
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hungryboi123
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
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What did the group of monks did after attaining enlightenment?

They Celibated.

Ha,I'm going.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pumpkimstew
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2020
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I was enlightened
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zifner850
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
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What did the enlightened dog say to the hunter?

There is no 'coon.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bonanzaguy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
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A man walks into his home to realize that all his lamps were stolen

He was delighted

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TJPancaker
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2020
🚨︎ report
An almost enlightened Buddhist was working on the set of Wheel of Fortune...

He was near-Vanna.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2018
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They should make a film series about a guy who uses candles as weapons.

Call it John Wick.

πŸ‘︎ 112
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rhodesrugger
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
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Shocking
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/myredditisbroken
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2019
🚨︎ report
The zen Buddhist achieved enlightenment, only to find himself unable to vacuum in corners.

He had no attachments.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HotDiggityDamnSon
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2017
🚨︎ report
She’s a man eater
πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scaulbylausis
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call an enlightened group of metal workers?

The Aluminati

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ask-a-physicist
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2015
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What did the student say after visiting the Thomas Edison Museum?

I enjoyed being enlightened

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/billgluckman7
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the motto of Enlightenment philosophers?

Yes we Kant.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LinkThe8th
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2015
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I love lamps.

They're so enlightening.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nolemy2800
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
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The Monk and The Cow

A monk sits at the peak of a hill that overlooks where the grassy Earth meets a river, the river flows with a breeze, and the breeze explores a mountain range, and the mountains neighbor the sky, and the sky conceals the entire universe, hiding the unknown in plain sight. The monk exhales "Ooooomm". He repeats this until a noise, very faint, breaks his chant.

"moo."

The monk stops for a moment but, without changing his position, dismisses it. "Ooooooommm." He begins again.

He's interrupted again, "moooo."

The monk turns to find a cow looking up at him from the bottom of the hill. "Kind cow," the monk says, "please do not interrupt my meditation."

The cow stares blankly back at the monk. The monk sighs and continues.

"Oooooommmm-"

Even louder, "Mmmooooooooo."

"Dear cow, I must reach enlightenment. Please, refrain from making your cow noises or find another hill."

The monk continues again, "Oooooooommmm-"

"MMMmmoooooooooooO!" The cow exclaims.

The monk stands up angrily, "Cow! Why must you interrupt my chanting?"

The cow replies, "Because you're saying it backwards!"

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/baconbuddy95
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
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I am helping a gold-medal winning sprinter acheive the highest level of spiritual awareness.

...I feel like The Flash, because I too, am enlightening Bolt.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
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Why were the dark ages called the dark ages?

There were too many knights.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheHUD18
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2017
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What do trees feel in Spring ?

Releaf

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2020
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i always found it weird how a box by itself is a box but a boxer in a box is a warcrime
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Communist-Cheadle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2019
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The fact that I can’t turn my light off

Keeps me up at night

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BioFrosted
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2019
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I broke the lightbulb in my lamp today.

It was delighted.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nyquill81
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2017
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Yesterday I went to a comedy and philosophy convention.

Laughed more than I thought.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2018
🚨︎ report
How many children does it take to change a light bulb?

Well it depends on wattage they are.

If theyre bright enough they can do it

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mischiefkel
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2017
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A woman was at a gas station filling her car with gas

A woman was at a gas station filling her car with gas. She inserted the nozzle and began filling the car with gas. As she waited for the car to fill, she lit a cigarette and began to smoke it. The car clicked to indicate it was full of gas, and she pulled the filler out of the car. Some gas leaked out of the filler onto her sweater arm, and a spark from the cigarette lit her arm on fire. The woman began to scream for help, and waved her arm about trying to put the fire out. A highway patrolman who happened to be nearby ran over and saw the woman flailing about in pain. Without hesitation, he pulled his handgun out of the holster and shot her three times. A few weeks later in court, the judge asked the patrolman why on earth he shot that woman? The patrolman answers, "well your honor, she was waving around a firearm!"

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dontdothisman66
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2017
🚨︎ report
An electricians favorite customer is

...the one that's delighted.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Skarkroe
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2016
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Just finished the first day of my new job at the electricity company

It's been enlightening

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2019
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I laughed, everyone groaned

I live with my girlfriend, we had some friends over who were married and had a kid. This little baby had found an L.E.D flashlight and started chewing on it.

Me: "Don't let him chew on that.. He might get LED poisoning"

I couldn't control my laughter

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DontNeedNoBadges
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2014
🚨︎ report
Once I tried out Buddhism

The experience was enlightening.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2018
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How did the candle give such a fantastic answer?

It was ENLIGHTENED

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/povdov
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Sometimes you just have to shut him down
πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheGreySparrow
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2013
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Birthday dad joke

I dad joked my wife today. It's my birthday. My wife asked, "You have had 49 trips around the sun. What do you think of them so far?". Of course, the only reply is, "Enlightening.". She was speechless. My son lit up with laughter.

πŸ‘︎ 136
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πŸ‘€︎ u/smokin_monkey
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2014
🚨︎ report
I was wondering what the sun looked like...

Then it dawned on me

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ May 26 2017
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I dadjoked my girlfriend

[Girlfriend comes up and asks for the time]

Her: "What time are we on?"

Me: "Greenwich Mean Time"

Her: "You need a slap, you do!"

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bopoqod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2013
🚨︎ report
Dad joked my friend on Skype by video call.

I was talking to a friend on Skype; at one point, I realised that I had to go to the bathroom.

"I'll be right back, I have to pee," I said.

"All right sure," she replied.

When I left, I put my laptop on the floor, the screen facing upwards, so as to avoid the ventilator being drowned by my duvet.

When I returned, I realised the webcam was pointing toward the ceiling, and I asked her:

"Did you find my ceiling interesting?"'

"Nah, I was looking at something else,"

And then, I saw my chance. It was glorious. Like golden wings borne on scarlet sunlight had brought me to Enlightenment, and I instantly replied with what is perhaps my greatest feat of pun yet:

"You know, that really hurts my ceilings."

πŸ‘︎ 223
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Exterrobang
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2014
🚨︎ report
My Dad and I were watching Geese fly in V formation

He looked to me and said, "Do you know why the left side of the V formation is longer?"

So I told him, "I can't think of a reason, why?"

So he enlightened me, "It's because it has more geese in it."

πŸ‘︎ 218
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πŸ‘€︎ u/leakproof
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2013
🚨︎ report
Why were the Middle Ages also called Dark Ages?

Because there were too many knights

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/buteoPT
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2019
🚨︎ report

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