My local paper said the police arrested the energizer bunny

It said they charged him with battery

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πŸ‘€︎ u/seatheous
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
🚨︎ report
The most expensive massage parlors make you feel the most energized

They charge you a lot

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ewormPL
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
🚨︎ report
The Energizer bunny’s wife is taking him to court.

He’s charged with battery

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πŸ‘€︎ u/frupp110
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear that the Energizer Bunny was taken into custody?

They say he was arrested for battery.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GalliumGames
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Energizer has to appear before court

They were convicted for a case of battery

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Grimbelfix
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Mr. Peanut & The Energizer Bunny Are Forming A Band

They're calling it a salt & battery.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MIngmire
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
🚨︎ report
The energizer bunny was arrested for battery.

This joke keeps going and going.

Edit; Did you hear...? The energizer bunny was charged with battery.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellaMajestic
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Battery company announces it has replaced Energizer Bunny.

Looking forward to new ads with Vin D-cell.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PdSales
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Energizer bunny arrested

I recently saw in the news that the guy who played the original Energizer bunny in the commercials was arrested.

He was charged with battery.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/solomonsaysgo
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call an energizing drink that's harsh on your lungs?

Cough-e

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoTomArrow
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2017
🚨︎ report
AA meeting
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moses10960
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you get when the Energizer Bunny takes power in Turkey?

A Sultan Battery

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πŸ‘€︎ u/darknight2018
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2015
🚨︎ report
A guy walks into a bar...

... With him, he's got some sodium chloride and an Energizer. A police officer walks up to him and says, "Sir, I'm afraid you're under arrest."

He replies, "What am I being charged with?".

The police officer replies, "A salt, and battery."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/djeclipz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2020
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
124 dad jokes that will make you laugh and cringe

Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.

What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.

Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but don’t turn it on.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.

β€œEvery time I hurt myself, even to this day, my dad says, β€˜The good news is..it’ll feel better when it quits hurting.'”

What’s brown and sticky? A stick.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

β€œI’ll call you later!”- β€œPlease don’t do that. I’ve always asked you to call me Dad!”

Q: Why did the cookie cry? A: Because his father was a wafer so long!

What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.

This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.

β€œMy dad literally told me this one last week: β€˜Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.’”

β€œWhenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, β€˜No, just leave it in the carton!’”

I got so angry the other day when I couldn’t find my stress ball.

If I had a dime for every book I’ve ever read, I’d say: β€œWow, that’s coincidental.”

I’m not indecisive. Unless you want me to be.

How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.

How does a penguin build it’s house? Igloos it together.

β€œMe: β€˜Dad, make me a sandwich!’ Dad: β€˜Poof, You’re a sandwich!’”

β€œI heard there was a new store called Moderation. They have everything there

A steak pun is a rare medium well done.

β€œHow can you tell if a ant is a boy or a girl? They’re all girls, otherwise they’d be uncles.”

Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth – its pasteurized before you even see it

β€œWhat’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1”

The only thing worse than having diarrhea is having to spell it.

I asked my friend to help me with a math problem. He said: β€œDon’t worry; this is a piece of cake.” I said: β€œNo, it’s a math problem.”

I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.

I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/weeb123xD
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
🚨︎ report
The pun gods smiled upon me today.

My friend got a static shock, and in the span of 5 minutes I rattled off these:

  • Geez, that's shocking news.

  • How are you current-ly feeling?

  • Don't give me that look. I'm just trying to energize you.

  • Looks like I gotta amp up my jokes.

  • I'm gonna hit you with a battery of jokes until you laugh.

  • Don't let your sense of humor be so static.

  • This isn't a crime, you can't charge me with anything.

  • Wire you so upset?

  • Do you want me to plug the stream of jokes?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/phraps
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2016
🚨︎ report
Pun overload!

My Dad sent me this list of punny sayings last Christmas. It explains a lot...

Punny sayings!

I tried to catch some Fog. I mist.

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type-O.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

PMS jokes aren't funny, period.

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.

Energizer bunny arrested. Charged with battery.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.

Broken pencils are pointless.

What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen.

Police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

Velcro - what a rip off!

Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.

Venison for dinner? Oh deer!

Earthquake in Washington obviously government's fault.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gibbens15
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2013
🚨︎ report
Energizer bunny arrested

And charged with battery

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/King_Pinn
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2020
🚨︎ report
The energizer bunny went to jail.

He was charged with battery.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/randomredditor512
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Energizer Bunny was arrested.

He was charged with battery.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lum1nar
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Heard the Energizer bunny got arrested...

He was charged with battery.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IdahoDogFarts
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the energizer bunny?

He was arrested on battery.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jaesquared
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you know the Energizer Bunny was arrested recently?

He was charged with battery!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BR0-z0
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Breaking news! Energizer Bunny arrested

charged with battery.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Why was the energizer bunny arrested

Because he was charged with battery

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πŸ‘€︎ u/slightleirabyss
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2018
🚨︎ report
The police just arrested the Energizer Bunny

He was charged with battery.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sk1wbw
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Why was the energizer bunny put in jail?

He was charged with battery

πŸ‘︎ 468
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πŸ‘€︎ u/58008upsidedown
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2017
🚨︎ report
Breaking News! The Energizer Bunny was arrested!

I heard he was charged with battery.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JasonMGatz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the Energizer Bunny get arrested?

Battery

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThickExamination
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the energizer bunny?

He was arrested and charged with battery.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pellerito23
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2018
🚨︎ report
You hear about the Energizer Bunny?

He was arrested for battery.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NAP42O
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2017
🚨︎ report
did you hear energizer bunny got arrested yesterday

yea, he got charged with battery

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/whoflungpoomunkey
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2017
🚨︎ report
What happened after the Energizer bunny was arrested?

He was charged with battery.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/badandboujeee
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2017
🚨︎ report
Did you hear that the Energizer bunny went to jail?

He was charged with battery.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Paperknots
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2014
🚨︎ report
The Energizer Bunny was arrested

They are saying he was charged with battery

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spartian
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2013
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the news?

The Energizer Bunny got arrested. He was charged with battery.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/REB3LxSOUL
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2014
🚨︎ report

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