Daughter today: "Dad, can we do an Easter-egg hunt tomorrow?"

Me: "Sure! You can do an Easter-egg hunt every single day"

^^^You ^^^probably ^^^won't ^^^find ^^^any ^^^though.

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👤︎ u/xbtdev
📅︎ Mar 26 2016
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They told me I was too old to hunt for Easter eggs, but the jokes on them!

I prefer mine poached

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👤︎ u/NiacTD
📅︎ Apr 14 2017
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I read the sign at the park advertising a huge easter egg hunt . . . .

My wife says "Well it's not going to be hard to find a huge easter egg." My wife has officially become a dad.

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📅︎ Mar 14 2018
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We grew up SO POOR I drank Nurse Pepper...

...she was an LPN.

We had a Don't Bother Checking account.

My first pet only had 3 legs, and it was a centipede.

Mom had one bra, and it was a lease.

For breakfast we ate Lieutenant Crunch.

My first spoon was monogrammed though ("1/2 TSP").

We were too poor to even say "awesome." We had to say "awefew."

We sat at the campfire and made S'Lesses.

My pillow only had one side.

Repossession was 9/10 of the law.

Five kids had to share one shoelace, and instead of toenails we grew toe staples.

Our scotch tape was scots-irish.

(I'm allowed)

My first shower came with sound effects and a lightshow.

One year Santa had to bring stockings.

The next year he filled them with nooses.

I did have a jumprope with a rattle on the end. And fangs on the other.

Other kids hunted eggs for Easter but we just died.

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📅︎ Apr 01 2021
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