Gabe had a heavy load this semester

Math, physics, comp sci. The only easy class was "The American Century." Open book midterm and final, so he wasn't going to do any of the reading all semester.

β€œIt’s a huge waste of time, Dad,” he laughed when I objected. β€œI’m not learning a damn thing in the class.”

β€œWell, then you’re just going to have to take that class over again,” I snapped at him.

β€œWhat are you talking about?” he yelped.

β€œYou know why, Gabe,” I said. β€œThose who don’t learn from history are condemned to repeat it.”

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cja1968
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
If I attached a watch to my belt....

It would be a waste of time.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Obituary for the Pillsbury Dough Boy, Pop N Fresh

The Pillsbury Doughboy, remembered best as "Pop N Serve", and/or "Pop N Fresh", died yesterday of a severe yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy will be buried in this lightly greased coffin.

Dozens of celebrities will turn out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch.

The grave site is expected to be piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima will deliver the eulogy and lovingly describe Doughboy as "a man who never knew how much he was kneaded".

Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers.. He was considered a very smart cookie, but wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes.

Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop tart.

The funeral will be held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Eyes_and_teeth
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
The legalize cannabis party had a fair few stoners voting for it this past election, but not enough to gain power

That’s a lot of wasted votes

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lukeurmyson
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Are you familiar with Orion’s Belt?

... huge waste of space.

Sorry, that joke wasn’t very good... three stars.

πŸ‘︎ 101
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
🚨︎ report
"Are those your pants, stumbling around by themselves and puking all over everything?"

"Yeah, they're my high/wasted jeans."

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pj566
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the blue sheep say to the red sheep?

Voting third party is a waste.

πŸ‘︎ 86
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Urbandale-Apiary
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Someone told me to post the joke here

What happens when distance gets a boner? It gets a direction. Sorry for wasting your time.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BilBot123
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I dropped my jar of herbs. After I picked them all up, my cat knocked the jar over again

Picking them up yet again was such a waste of thyme

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pusilli
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
🚨︎ report
3 engineers were arguing about who designed the human body

1: it has to be a CompSci engineer, judging by the brain’s complexity

2: you’re wrong, it was a Mechanics engineer, look at the muscle and skeleton systems working as one

3: you’re both wrong, it was an Urban Planner, otherwise waste and entertainment areas wouldn’t be adjacent.

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AstharothaZe
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Whst did the herb gardener say to the sloppy chef?

Please, don't waste my thyme!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bl-nkfr-nk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
🚨︎ report
The local dragon regularly poops hundreds of pounds of ore directly into the sea.

It's a gross waste of resources.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Impybutt
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
🚨︎ report
To reduce waste, our city has told food truck drivers they must donate all unsold items each night.

I applaud the effort, but given how little space the trucks have in the first place, it seems like there's really not much room for waste to begin with. So, I've gotta ask...

How much food would a good truck chuck if a food truck could chuck food?

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zekesnack
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Meh

I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying β€œOoh, I love how smooth it is.”

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rightbehindyou824
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I Prefer Not To Trim My Toenails.

It's not because I think it's beneath me.

It's not because I wouldn't stoop that low.

It's because I consider it to be a waste of my talons.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jagdpanzer_magill
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Passing the time in quarantine teaching the cat to dance...

Waste of time turns out hes got two left feet.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/blacky-o-hare
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2020
🚨︎ report
You know Orion’s Belt?

Waste of Space.

I know, I know, mediocre joke: 3 Stars.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/coadnamedalex
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I attended a self-defence course.

At the end of it, the person that ran the course said, "Ok, buddy, so for the week you owe me...Β£380."

"I refuse to pay," I told him.

"You have to," he insisted.

"Well then, you'll have to fight me for it."

So we fought, and he absolutely battered me. Left me bloody, bruised and beaten.

He said, "Β£380. Cough it up."

"No," I told him, wiping my lip. "Because it was clearly a waste of money."

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2018
🚨︎ report
I had a job at a dry cleaners...

but got fired for wasting time. They said I had more PRESSING matters.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/youtellmebob
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Need stupid/funny potato puns.

I know this might not be the place to post a question but I was wondering if any of you punny peeps can help me out? I got some free stamps and I want to mail a few potatoes out to my relatives. I know this is pretty stupid and a waste of time but I'm laughing at myself just thinking what their reactions and responses will be when they check their mailbox and see a potato. I want to write a potato pun somewhere on the potato. So of you're willing to help me do this; please leave me your potato puns for me to read and decide which ones I'll be using. Thank you for reading.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2019
🚨︎ report
All food ends up in the same place...

Either it goes to waste or it goes to waist

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dudebrodadman
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I hate when people throw away clocks.

It’s a waste of time.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jolernaught
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I asked my daughter if I could borrow a newspaper.

"This is the 21st century" she said. "We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, use my iPad".

I can tell you this... That fly never knew what hit him...

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FriedLime
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Who do you call when you can't control your bowel movements?

Waste Management

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/syntax_no_context
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Me and my Dad having a conversation about his works van.

Dad, you'll just get stuck in traffic.

"Not if I go another way."

But you'll just be wasting petrol...

"No I won't. It's Diesel."

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/knobrot7
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you know that, technically, all beverages are alcoholic?

If they’re not getting drunk, then they’re getting wasted.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DrNerdfighter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
🚨︎ report
man walks into a bar...

A man walks into a bar and orders a beer, he hears a voice and realises it's coming from the bowl of peanuts on the bar "Looking very smart tonight sir and that cologne is hitting all the right notes. Oh yes!"

Somewhat taken aback, but also feeling confident he goes to the Gents to buy some condoms. Just as he's about to put the coins in a voice comes out of the machine "Don't waste your money mate! You haven't got a chance with the ladies tonight."

Astonished at this he relays all this to the barmaid. "Ah, thats easy to explain, the nuts are Complimentary and the condom machine is Out Of Order.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PompeyNige
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I finally have installed a mosquitos screen on the window...

But I felt the waste of effort when I found 2 mosquitos still in the room, now I will have to remove the screen to let the mosquitos out and reinstall it again

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/inaudience
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2019
🚨︎ report
What you should do if time has wasted you?

Nothing, just relax and waste the time.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ashtraxk
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Holy Shit

(n) /ˈhoʊli ΚƒΙͺt/ - Solid biological waste excreted from a cow in India.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Money_fingers
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Real life is like minecraft

Don't waste your diamonds on a hoe

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/me-no-smart
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I was going to throw away all my old spices...

But it seemed like a waste of thyme.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rycklikesburritos
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Don't mess with General Relativity...

It's a waste of time.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/warpedddd
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Success isn't always valued

The gastrointestinal systems success is a complete human waste.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jc5120
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2018
🚨︎ report
I recently made a belt out of watches

It was a waste of time...

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kriptoN-
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend found bugs in her expensive organic bread flour.

She didn't want to waste it, but I assured her that throwing it away is the lesser of two weevils.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/InterwebWeasel
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2018
🚨︎ report
I don't understand why people would strap watches on their belts.

It's a waste of time.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperCarbideBros
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2019
🚨︎ report
As a sewage tech, I am well qualified for government work...

I have lots of experience in waste management.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2019
🚨︎ report
[Request] puns about trash

Starting a waste removal company and looking for some punny name ideas. Dirty puns allowed - I'll clean it up, if needed.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SHrsch
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2018
🚨︎ report
I don't get the importance of clock landfills

It's just a waste of time

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Congressperson
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad went to the doctor because he was constipated

And in the waiting room he found a chart with the qualities of a "good poop". It said that one of the main qualities In the best poops are that they sink. They don't float. So he comes home and shows us a copy of the chart.

Literally like 10 mins later my little sister comes out of the bathroom screaming that she had a great poop because it sank "just like the titanic".

My dad wastes no time and run into the bathroom to check on the toilet and looks at me with a face of satisfaction that told me he was gonna do it. Then he said it:

"That's some good shit right there".

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LordOscarFedz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2018
🚨︎ report
Why should you never attach a watch to your belt?

...because it would be a waste of time

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jRadu
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Watch on Belt

I was going to put my watch on my belt.

But I realised it was a waste of time.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ryannbajaj
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2019
🚨︎ report
So my friend just told me about a watch you can attach to your belt.

Nah, just a waste of time.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AManInATopHat
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2019
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.