Playing as a Monk in Dungeons & Dragons isnโ€™t so hard.

You just have to roll with the punches and look out for number one.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Sir_Soft_Spoken
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
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Draco Malfoy's preferred way to get to the dungeons? SLYTHERIN!

JK Rolling

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Naitraen
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 05
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If youโ€™re excited for the Dungeons in D&D...

Imagine Dragons

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Fabled_Bear
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
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Dungeons and Dragons looks like a lot of fun. I'd love to try it some day.

I guess I consider myself die-curious

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/IAMGodAMAA
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 06 2020
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Dads on Dungeons and Dragons

Dad: I see you're playing Dungeons and Dragons, is your character a dwarf?

Me: I'm playing a Gnome dad... we've been over this

Dad: I'm sorry - I must not be familiar with the... Gnomenclature

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DrYogurt1
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
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A game of strip Dungeons & Dragons sounds pretty dicey.
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DenimMan13
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 26 2018
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A Dungeons & Dragons Related Dad Joke...

I'm currently running my players through a D&D adventure titled "Curse of Strahd".

Last session, my players found a journal revealing details about the main villain, Count Strahd Von Zarovich. When they acquired it, I passed the adventure book over--opened up to an illustration depicting the journal's pages--and one of the players proceeded to read. After struggling for a bit, he said, "I'm having a tough time reading this cause it's so cursive."

Yes," I responded. "It's the cursive Strahd."

I had that one chambered and ready for weeks, just waiting for the right moment.

What my players don't know is that I'm also going to include a few other bits of flavor for my them to find as they progress through the game:

  • A fancy handbag with the initials "SVZ" hammered into the leather... the "purse of Strahd"
  • A grave in which the Von Zarovich family nanny is buried... the "nurse of Strahd"
  • A carriage very obviously built to accommodate Strahd's coffin... the "hearse of Strahd"
  • A book full of poetry written during Strahd's younger days, before he was consumed by darkness... the "verse of Strahd"
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/transplantasian
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 03 2016
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A danish, a cornbread piece, and a croissant plays Dungeons and Dragons

I guess you can say they are roll playing ...

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/aparks1437
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 30 2018
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A Dungeons and Dragons Dad Joke

Once I talked my dad into playing Dungeons and Dragons with me and my friends. We were looking over his character sheet before the game when he noticed "Darkvision 60 ft." He asked me what that meant.

I said, "It means you can see 60 feet in the dark."

"But only if there are 30 people."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Traikan
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 26 2013
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Diagnosing a diseased catfolk in our Dungeons & Dragons game.

So we are playing dnd and our Catfolk Barbarian gets sick from being bitten from a giant tick a few days ago. She's pretty salty about it because it's made her physically weaker and she can't hit thing as well. The GM (her dad) says "She is sick with a disease that's like an extreme form of lime disease." "My God". I said "It's Lemon Disease." Without skipping a beat the GM says, "Yes. And it's made a sour puss."

We all die.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 79
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Derflem
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 27 2015
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Why couldn't the mechanic fix the machine in the high level dungeon?

He didn't have the right gear!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ExplosiveLlama
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 27 2016
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The Chicken Dominator pizza that Domino's sells in my country is an excellent nickname to give to an S&M dungeon master.
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/mrunicornman
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 21 2015
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This pun made my friend not want to talk to me for a day

Ok, so this one needs a bit of buildup.

At the time (a week or so ago) I was making a homebrew item for DnD (for the uninformed, Homebrew are custom made items/classes/spells to use in a DnD game at the discretion of the DM (Dungeon Master)).

I had shown this item (shameless plug) to my friend (who is also the DM of the campaign I'm in now) in the hopes of using it in the campaign. He had pointed out that the item was a bit OP for it's cost and that the homebrew page I had made for it was too long. We were discussing ways to improve both the item and the page, and then got on the topic of magic items in general.

It went something along the lines of this:

DM: ... you can't really destroy a magic item before removing the magic from it. Like, you could try to melt down a magic sword for example, but all that would really do is make it too hot to hold. You could even bend it, but not outright destroy it.

Me: That's gotta be one pissed off magic sword.

DM: I mean, yeah, if it's sentient.

Me: Maybe it got so angry at being bent, that it gains sentience just spite you or something.

DM: Well, yeah maybe.

And this, people of reddit, is when the PUN, popped into my head.

Me: *leans in* you could say that the sword gained sentience cuz it got... bent out of shape.

A second or two of silence, and I see the pun register in his head, and I fucking lost it.

I then laugh for a straight minute. After about ten secunds of me busting a gut, he said "Aight, Imma head out"

We're cool now, but he really didn't want to talk to me the next day.

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๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 29 2020
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Need ideas

Hi everyone! I need some dad jokes involving ghosts and poker for a dungeons and dragons campaign I'm doing. Thanks in advance to all you that have some!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/GoingMacaroon22
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 16 2020
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You know a pun is fully mature when...

You know a pun is fully mature when it is fully groan.

Stolen from the book I am currently reading, Dungeon Eternium: Divine Dungeon Series By Dakota Krout

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/cooly772
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
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If sex were a board game

I'd be Dungeon Master

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๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
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What does mario like to wear?

Denim denim denim

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/BoredPaganini
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 11 2018
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I had abstinence only sex education when I was in high school.

It was called Dungeons and Dragons.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 11 2018
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Girlfriend just got me with a Warcraft one

We were waiting on a friend to login to run a dungeon and i am just out picking herbs. I am being silly and just herbing and running away from the NPCโ€™s

She says i should keep it up and eventually i will be a Herbing Legend!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/mementh
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 27 2018
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"Hey guys..."

I was playing FFXIV with my husband and one of our friends. We had all been drinking (me more than them).The three of us were all in our living room, and as we approach the final boss area in one of the dungeons we hadn't done before, this rears up out of the water and I shriek, "HEY GUYS! WHAT'S KRAKEN???!!!"

Our friend turned around in his seat with the most disgusted expression on his face, pointed at me, and said, "Get out."

I started giggling so hard I nearly fell off the couch, and sputtered: "Sorry. I'll quit kraken stupid jokes."

Ha. Yayyyy puns. :3

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Karu4Link
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 08 2014
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An old favorite

King Broderick was in trouble. He wasn't a very good king, and his brother Argyle was gathering forces to depose him and take the crown. In desperation, he captured Count Petrie, a very popular man who was one of his brother's cronies, and tortured him to learn his brother's location.

But the count wouldn't divulge the information, so the King scheduled a public execution. The crowds gathered, including the King's brother, who was there in disguise. The Count was forced to kneel, with his head on the chopping block. The headsman stood nearby, holding his axe at the ready. King Broderick loudly proclaimed "Count, you are here before me because you have aligned yourself with my brother. If you tell me where he is, I will allow you to live out your days in my dungeon. Remain silent, and you will die." The Count remained silent. King Broderick motioned to the headsman, who slowly raised his axe and swung it down...THUNK...into the wood next to the Count's head. The Count stared at the axe, visibly shaking. King Broderick loudly proclaimed "Count, that was a warning, and there will not be another. Tell me where my brother is and you will live. Remain silent, and you will die!" The Count stayed silent. King Broderick again motioned to the headsman, who raised the axe. As the headsman began the downswing, the Count cried out "Wait!!" but...THUNK...it was too late, and the Count's head fell to the ground.

At the Count's death, the King's brother leapt up and revealed himself to the crowd. Cheering Argyle, they crowded forward and overran the King's guards. Soon, it was Broderick's head on the chopping block. Argyle, the new King, waved back the headsman, knelt beside his brother and whispered into his ear "Silly brother, don't hatchet your Counts before they've chickened."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Nyarlathotep4King
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 16 2018
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Flame wars and Trolls

I have come to the conclusion that the reason for trolls causing flame wars is a direct result of Dungeons and Dragons.

See, in dungeons and Dragons, the only way to kill a troll is with fire and acid. So when a troll enters a forum thread, the flame war that erupts is an attempt to kill the troll with fire.

I suppose an acid war could also erupt, but those who would use acid seem too stoned to care.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Calthropstu
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 05 2016
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