There was once a old grape farmer, who had gone through many droughts. When his grapes had fallen and dried out, all he could say was....

Everything happens for a raisin.

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👤︎ u/VERBERD
📅︎ Dec 21 2020
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To all my friends out west living through severe drought conditions and water rationing...

Get well soon.

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📅︎ May 16 2022
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Living in California, I was told not to make jokes about our drought

Guess my dry sense of humor isn't welcome here

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👤︎ u/red_shrike
📅︎ May 14 2022
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I'm working on a new line of emergency rations. The first one is a Mexican dish called...

Just-In-Case-adillas

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📅︎ Jul 26 2022
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What does one farmer say to his farm hands after a drought has finally passed?

It's raining, men!
Hallelujah!
It's raining, men!

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📅︎ Aug 05 2021
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Tsunami invited Cyclone ,Earthquake and Drought to a tea party.

Nobody came.

Tsunami had a silent tea.

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👤︎ u/rhshi14
📅︎ Jan 11 2021
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What does rain do before marriage?

It precipiDATES!

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👤︎ u/Crimtot
📅︎ Aug 26 2021
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A woman finds a lamp and of course it contains a genie... ... which offers to give her only one wish as he is very much tired from his 10.000 years of imprisonment.

,,I want a million dollars!'' she screams excited.

The Genie nods. ,,It shall be as you wi-''

,,No!'' interrupts the woman. ,,Such a wish is selfish and petty. No, what I want is for wars to end.'' She drags forth a handy map of the world. ,,See these countries? They are scarred with ancient bloodfeuds. You should show them peace. Yes, that's my wish.''

,,B-but ma'm, that's impossible! Their hearts are so hardened, and I would have to prevent droughts and hunger and disarm all threats...-'' pleas the genie desperately.

,,Very well, since you're so tired, I guess I'll settle for something else. Now... I've been without a man for so long, and my last husband was nothing short of a rat, so I'd like a man. A man that... does the laundry and the dishes and vaccuums the house. He must be gentle in manners but wild and talented in bed, and of course sexy and handsome. He must love me more than anything else in this world and tell me so each day with a bouquet of flowers. But most of all he'll have to understand me. Yes, that's what I want, the perfect man.''

The genie sighs. ,,Just give me the fucking map.'

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👤︎ u/YZXFILE
📅︎ Nov 16 2021
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Living in California, people always remind me about our drought

I always tell them I'm well aware.

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👤︎ u/thintoast
📅︎ Mar 29 2016
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My friend takes time off work to go dig for water in drought stricken areas.

He has a well paying job.

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📅︎ May 16 2019
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Vineyards don't usually do so well during a drought...

...so they tend to focus on raisin awareness.

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👤︎ u/drewper
📅︎ Jul 03 2018
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During a drought... every day is lawndry day.
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📅︎ Sep 23 2015
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My farmer friend was complaining about the drought this year.

I am planning to send him a Get Well Soon Card.

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📅︎ Feb 09 2018
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said on a foggy morning during a dry spell

"We need some rain, you think you could help with that?"

"I tried, but I think it mist."

"...that was below even MY dad."

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📅︎ Sep 14 2015
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My wife said, "Did you know a bunch of cows lying down means it's going to rain?"

I replied, "Their legs must get really tired during a drought."

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📅︎ May 06 2019
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Out of the blue: A dad joke from my teen-age son

We're in California, and the drought is on our minds as we approach what (in a good year) is the rainy season. As I checked the weather forecast, I gave a little cheer.

"Chance of showers this week!" I told my son.

"Well, for me, it's a 100% chance," he said. "Every morning, about 5:30."

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👤︎ u/ProfComm
📅︎ Nov 12 2014
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I got the perfect opening earlier today

While driving past a winery in California my mom says, "I wonder how the droughts will affect the grapes"

"I imagine the wine will be a bit drier"

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👤︎ u/Midpeaks3
📅︎ Feb 03 2014
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