Still in the shadow of the master dad.

My parents are in town for a visit. Keep in mind that I have a 3 year old, so the dad jokes have doubled around here lately.

We go eat and I'm sharing a big burger with my wife. It has a fried egg on it, which I don't like, so I gave her the half with the yolk in it. She bit into it and the yolk broke and dribbled all over her hand. Before I could say anything, my dad mumbles, "Looks like the yolk's on you".

I said, " NOOOOOOOOO you beat me to it!" as my wife and my mom rolled their eyes and groaned. I'm pretty good at the dad jokes, but my dad has the grandfather buff or something.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ArtaxNOOOOOO
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2016
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Why are basketball players messy eaters?

Because they’re always dribbling.

Terrible joke #2 brought to you by my six year old.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TitchyBeacher
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2018
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Why was the basketball court so wet?

Because people kept dribbling on it.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GeekMcLeod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2018
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Coach: Brett you're out, Timmy you're in.

Brett: This isn't fair! I'm the best in the country! Why am I getting replaced by a baby? Coach: This is basketball. I replaced you with a baby because babys are good at dribbling.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PlanetCEC
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2019
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Me and daughter at the beach.

I gave her the setup:

Me: "They say the tide is caused by the moon, but it's actually caused by the nose."

Daughter rolls her eyes, but finally gives in: "No, it's snot."

That's my girl!

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/b0b
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2014
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Some of the best from my family

At a wedding reception where the chocolates on the table were in nice looking package.

  • Dad: Don't throw that way; I'll take them home.
  • Mom: Great another of one thousand useless items that'll be on a shelf.
  • Dad: Aaaaw, Honey -- I'd never put you on the shelf.

While watching a baseball game:

  • Mom: Are they "boo'ing?" Nobody "boos" anymore.
  • Dad: Hey can I have a blow job?
  • Mom: Shut up.
  • Dad: Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

In regards to meatloaf my mother made:

  • Mom: Sorry the meatloaf isn't that good.
  • Dad: It's Ok. But next time try adding some Alpo.

While eating at relatives' house:

  • Mom: Wow. This is really good! We used to eat like this all the time growing up.
  • Uncle: Really? Where I come from we just call it Hamburger Helper.

In regards to an inappropriately shaped child's toy:

  • Me: Did you buy that at one of those special stores you guys got in San Francisco?
  • Grandfather: What?! Of course not! God no - that's not mine!
  • ...
  • Grandfather: It's too small...

When my brother and I were screwing around instead of helping in the garage:

  • Dad: You know, twice, twice! I thought I got it out quick enough but some must have dribbled back inside.

After listening to a 3 minute voice mail from my mother:

  • Me: What did she want?
  • Dad: You want the long or the short version?
  • Me: Short.
  • Dad: Nothing.
  • Me: Ok long version.
  • Dad: Nothing much.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/that_how_it_be
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2014
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After years of torment, I finally got my dad back at lunch today

We met up at a restaurant, and I ordered some kind of fancy taco. Halfway through the meal, he looks over at the dribbling mess my taco had become and says, "Looks like your taco has a leak."

I carefully set the taco down, opened it up, peered at it for a moment, and replied, "Nope, I think that's an onion."

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hollowbody57
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2016
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My wife to me before our trip over-seas

I am a very messy teeth-brusher and some toothpaste was leaking out of my mouth and onto the sink.

Her: "You need to stop dribbling." Me: "Why?" Her: "So we can travel."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bad_karma11
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2018
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Son got me good yesterday morning

Yesterday morning at 10am my kids came to wake me up for family day. I'd worked late the night before and I was pretty groggy and completely dehydrated.

Son: "Time to get up dad!"

Me: "I'll get up, but could you go grab my water bottle and put some cold water in it?"

(2 minutes pass while his sister jumps on my head)

Son (with special grin on his face): "Here you go, Dad."

(I take the bottle and cautiously take a sip. I get a little dribble of water and realize the whole thing is full of ice.)

Me: ...

Son: You asked for cold water, you didn't specify how cold.

Me: ...that's my boy.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/quackdamnyou
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2016
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Why are babies so good at basketball?

Because they're always dribbling

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Srivera32
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2017
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12 year old cousin telling my Dad about her new basketball team..

Dad: "So do you only play against the local schools?" Cousin: "No, it's travel league" Dad: "Well, I prefer the leagues that make you dribble.."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoshMcDaniels
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2014
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