So last night my boyfriend left the bedroom door open to get more heat in the room because there are more heating vents in the hallway than in the bedroom. I said, "You might say it's eVENTful." He didn't laugh. So then I said, "You'll laugh eVENTually."
My wife and I were woken up at 3am by loud banging on our door. I got up, opened the door and there was a drunken stranger standing in the pouring rain, asking for a push. "Are you insane man?!!? It's 3 in the morning!!" I screamed, slamming the door and stormed back to bed...
"Who was that?" asked my wife.
"Just some drunk asking for a push." I grumbled.
"Did you help him?" she asked.
"No, I did NOT! It's 3am and it's pouring rain!"
"Well, you've a short memory." she said. "Don't you remember three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? You should be ashamed of yourself! Now get out there and help him!"
She had a point, and angrily, I got dressed and went out into the darkness, calling out, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes."
"Do you still need a push?"
"Yes please."
"Where are you?"
"Over here...on the swing."
Good thing there are just the two doors to the US Capitol building
Cause attempted sedan doesn’t have the same ring to it
A salesperson came to my door yesterday trying to sell me a coffin.
I told him, "That's the last thing I need".
In college, I used to live on a houseboat, and started dating the girl next door.
Eventually we drifted apart.
I just had a new wash basin delivered to our house for our guest bathroom, but my wife decided that she hates the design so much she won't even let me bring it in off the porch. It has been sitting by our front door for a week, A ENTIRE WEEK.
Hippie gets 3 months late on rent...So the landlord knocks on his door to let him know he’s being evicted
He opens the door and tells him “Namaste”.
I gave my daughter a watch for her birthday. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, "That's a pretty watch you've got there! Does it tell you the time?"
She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"
A guy knocked on my door asking for a donation to build a community swimming pool.
So, I handed him a glass of water.
Just came home to find all my doors and windows open, everything's gone!
Who would do that to another person's Advent Calendar?!
Just ordered a 12” wide console table to go by our entryway door.
My daughter says it will be very soothing.
I used to sell security alarms door to door, and I was REALLY good at it...
If no one was home, I would just leave a brochure on the kitchen table.
You know your supposed to knock on the refrigerator door before you open it
Cuz there might be a salad dressing
Social distancing has led to Hooters offering delivery to your door.
They’re changing their name to Knockers.
My next door neighbor and I are good friends, so we decided to share our water supply.
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
..it came with no attachments.
Why did Jesus leave the door to his tomb open?
Because he was born in a barn.
Every morning, I wake up to find someone has dumped a box of play doh in front of my door.
I don’t know what to make of it.
Which Pokémon is a door-to-door denture salesman?
Do you know what a ghost uses to open a door ?
I recently had a fellow knocking door to door asking for donations for our local pool...
I was happy to give him a full glass of water to help!
There’s a horse that lives next door to me.
A man brought his trike to a 4 Wheeler convention but was refused at the door for not following the dress code.
They told him that he was missing attire
Woke up this morning to a tap on my door
That plumber has some sense of humour
I went to my parents house for dinner and when I walked through the front door my mom asks,"Are you hungry?"
So I told Her,"No.I'm half German and half Irish."
What did the spice say to the chicken when it was being rushed out the door?
What do you call a cute button, which on pressing norifies the house owner to open the door?
I am pulling my hair out to think of that R & B singer who opens doors
In a freak accident the laboratory sink came to life, made its way to the mad scientist's door and knocked.
My gf wasn’t impressed when she asked me to leave the door ajar
I scared the postman today by going to the door completely naked.
I'm not sure what scared him more. MY naked body or the fact that I knew where he lived !
In a recent poll, 80% of people in America said they would not open their homes to a sentient water basin that walked up to their door and asked for shelter…
I was on a family vacation in Japan when I slept in one day. My dad flung open my door and told me to wake up. I said, “Dad, what do you think this is?...
...the Land of the Rising Son?”
My neighbor knocked on my door looking for some nutrients and my daughter asked me what to do
I said "well don't just stand there, in vitamin"
Amazon is starting a new service where they deliver custom made shirts to your door within 48 hours.
They are calling it Tailor Swift.
Our local florist recently expanded to take in the shop space next door.
Business must really be blooming.
A door to door salesman knocked on my door and before I could say anything he said, "A person's regular occupation, profession, or trade..."
Just from the first sentence, I knew he meant business.
I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you you need to be "saved" or you'll "burn"
In college, I used to live on a houseboat, and started seeing the girl next door.
Eventually we drifted apart.
Which Pokémon is a door-to-door denture salesperson?
I gave my daughter a watch for her birthday. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, "That's a pretty watch you've got there! Does it tell you the time?"
She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"
In my twenties, I used to live on a houseboat, and started seeing the girl next door.
Eventually we drifted apart.
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