Why is it important for a chicken coup to only have 2 doors?

Because otherwise it would be a chicken sedan.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/oneofchris
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2021
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My grandfather always used to say, β€œAs one door closes another one opens.”

Lovely man.

Terrible cabinet maker.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
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To the man who invented the door knocker

I hope you win a Nobel prize

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lsharpe23
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
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When the elevator doors opened for me to enter, everyone was asleep inside...

Must be that Ambien music that they play

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
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My roomba went out my front door and a pack of bears attacked it, an eagle carried it away to the ocean, and a shark finished it off.

Nature abhors a vacuum.

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dingogordy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
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These two jacked missionaries came to my door glorifying their new gym.

I told them I had no interest in joining Jehovah's Fitness.

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gralatus
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2021
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So last night my boyfriend left the bedroom door open to get more heat in the room because there are more heating vents in the hallway than in the bedroom. I said, "You might say it's eVENTful." He didn't laugh. So then I said, "You'll laugh eVENTually."
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lovina9
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
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What does it say on the exit door to the sperm bank?

Thanks for coming......

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_I-Have-A-Plan_
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2021
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My wife and I were woken up at 3am by loud banging on our door. I got up, opened the door and there was a drunken stranger standing in the pouring rain, asking for a push. "Are you insane man?!!? It's 3 in the morning!!" I screamed, slamming the door and stormed back to bed...

"Who was that?" asked my wife.

"Just some drunk asking for a push." I grumbled.

"Did you help him?" she asked.

"No, I did NOT! It's 3am and it's pouring rain!"

"Well, you've a short memory." she said. "Don't you remember three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? You should be ashamed of yourself! Now get out there and help him!"

She had a point, and angrily, I got dressed and went out into the darkness, calling out, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes."

"Do you still need a push?"

"Yes please."

"Where are you?"

"Over here...on the swing."

πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
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In college, I used to live on a houseboat, and started dating the girl next door.

Eventually we drifted apart.

πŸ‘︎ 659
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Good thing there are just the two doors to the US Capitol building

Cause attempted sedan doesn’t have the same ring to it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zeugirdork
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
🚨︎ report
A salesperson came to my door yesterday trying to sell me a coffin.

I told him, "That's the last thing I need".

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OFMaaron
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
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What did Joe say to Donald on his way out the door?

Bi den

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sync_shark
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
🚨︎ report
New microbrewery opened up next door to me, but I'm getting an itchy feeling about it

It's run by bearded artisants.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lecraic
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
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I just had a new wash basin delivered to our house for our guest bathroom, but my wife decided that she hates the design so much she won't even let me bring it in off the porch. It has been sitting by our front door for a week, A ENTIRE WEEK.

Let that sink in.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RobotPreacher
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
The best thing to do when encountering a door jam,

Open a nearby door so you can stick it in ajar.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Riptide-Shadow
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
🚨︎ report
Hippie gets 3 months late on rent...So the landlord knocks on his door to let him know he’s being evicted

He opens the door and tells him β€œNamaste”.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boobaloo222
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
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I gave my daughter a watch for her birthday. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, "That's a pretty watch you've got there! Does it tell you the time?"

She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
🚨︎ report
A guy knocked on my door asking for a donation to build a community swimming pool.

So, I handed him a glass of water.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gr8prajwalb
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
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Just came home to find all my doors and windows open, everything's gone!

Who would do that to another person's Advent Calendar?!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Flabbergash
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Social distancing has led to Hooters offering delivery to your door.

They’re changing their name to Knockers.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/phishstepper
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
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My next door neighbor and I are good friends, so we decided to share our water supply.

We got a long well.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Just ordered a 12” wide console table to go by our entryway door.

My daughter says it will be very soothing.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WOTrULookingAt
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
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I used to sell security alarms door to door, and I was REALLY good at it...

If no one was home, I would just leave a brochure on the kitchen table.

πŸ‘︎ 81
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..

..it came with no attachments.

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
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You know your supposed to knock on the refrigerator door before you open it

Cuz there might be a salad dressing

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tjeters
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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Every morning, I wake up to find someone has dumped a box of play doh in front of my door.

I don’t know what to make of it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did Jesus leave the door to his tomb open?

Because he was born in a barn.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Malcolm_Y
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Which PokΓ©mon is a door-to-door denture salesman?

Pikachu

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/whosevelt
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you know what a ghost uses to open a door ?

His spookey.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
As a single dad money can be tight. But even when I’m on a date and I know I’m not attracted to her, I still like to get the door for her and let her walk through. It makes her feel appreciated.

And it makes it easier to slam the door and run so I don’t have to pay for dinner.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/skullchin
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I recently had a fellow knocking door to door asking for donations for our local pool...

I was happy to give him a full glass of water to help!

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pyrojodge
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
A man brought his trike to a 4 Wheeler convention but was refused at the door for not following the dress code.

They told him that he was missing attire

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kashindabank
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
There’s a horse that lives next door to me.

He’s my naaay-bur

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zeke_Smith
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Woke up this morning to a tap on my door

That plumber has some sense of humour

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nico735
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to my parents house for dinner and when I walked through the front door my mom asks,"Are you hungry?"

So I told Her,"No.I'm half German and half Irish."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a cute button, which on pressing norifies the house owner to open the door?

Adoorbell.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/inoobie_am
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the spice say to the chicken when it was being rushed out the door?

I’m cumin, I’m cumin!

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pineconeassbitch
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
My gf wasn’t impressed when she asked me to leave the door ajar
πŸ‘︎ 92
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Girthquakenz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2020
🚨︎ report
In a freak accident the laboratory sink came to life, made its way to the mad scientist's door and knocked.

Let that sink in.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ManosVanBoom
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I am pulling my hair out to think of that R & B singer who opens doors

Alopecia Keys

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Goldygold2
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I scared the postman today by going to the door completely naked.

I'm not sure what scared him more. MY naked body or the fact that I knew where he lived !

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
🚨︎ report
In college, I used to live on a houseboat, and started seeing the girl next door.

Eventually we drifted apart.

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Which PokΓ©mon is a door-to-door denture salesperson?

Pikachu

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/whosevelt
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I gave my daughter a watch for her birthday. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, "That's a pretty watch you've got there! Does it tell you the time?"

She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2019
🚨︎ report

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