Discusses Puns

It’s a pull-out.

I told him “Fine, my door is always open.”

I told them "we'll talk about it later".

Turns out it was a Danish.

That conversation sure took a ewe turn.

I told her I would give it 3.14 stars.

Hey guys, new to posting to the sub, just wanted to get some information on what is allowed and if there is an option to base an event.

I've never seen an image posted on Dad Jokes so I am just going to assume there is no image posting allowed in the sub.

If that is the case I just wanted to float out the idea of allowing images to be posted during the week of Halloween. There are a ton of great dad jokes embodied in creative costumes and since that fits the spirit of the sub, maybe an event can be created to exchange those jokes during a set time frame. Feedback or a direction to something I'm looking for would be much appreciated.

I hate to spoil my costume but to get an example of what to look for (mine is by no means anything special) I will give you the general idea. It will be 3 pieces in regular attire. A plastic sword, a fancy collar, and a balaclava made out of "invisible" material ;). I am going as the headless horsemen.

I think Putin just Trump-ed all of his competitors

"When I was younger I worked at a bowling alley"

"Ten-Pin?"

"No it was a permanent job"

Guess they were just raised differently.

I said it's not bad but I'd prefer Ourson so he knows he's dad's kid too

This JustIn: Timberlake

Upon rewatching the episode I was shocked to find it was 30 minutes long.

That's right,he has lots of "Trussed" issues

My son (5) wasn’t wanting to eat his lunch and I told him if he didn’t eat, he wouldn’t get any of his electronics. He got mad and said I want my electrons! I just looked at him and said, “why do you have to be so negative?”

You could say it was more of a wrap.

I didn't know he was a man of the cloth.

The pavement.

It was two tired

I think it will help us stay connected

There was a lot to unpack.

Me: ‘Lettuce taco ‘bout it.’

... commissioning a new figurehead carving for their ship.

The first mate's suggestions were shot down one by one by the captain. A shark? An octopus? A giant squid? None were acceptable.

Finally, the first mate had a moment of revelation, "what about a mermaid with gigantic breasts?"

The captain agreed, "Yarrr, wooden tit be lovely."

Because they have to talk about the elephant in the room.

beecause they are dying to get their point across

Her: Do you remember the car service we used at the airport? Was it Hertz? Me: Was it Alamo? Her after looking it up: No, it was definitely Hertz. Me: Ah, my mistake. I only remember the Alamo.

I got a beautiful groan followed by a chuckle.

Save them to your Phone and always have witty jokes at the palm of your hand.

3.14 percent of sailors are pi-rates.

5/4 of people admit they’re bad at fractions.

A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.

A brain walks into a bar and takes a seat. “I’d like some wings and a pint of beer, please,” it says. “Sorry, but I can’t serve you,” the bartender replies. “You’re out of your head.”

A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here.'

A college education now costs $100,000, but it produces three very proud people: the student, his mama, and his pauper.

A couple of cups of yogurt walk into a country club. “We don’t serve your kind here,” the bartender says. “Why not?” one yogurt asks. “We’re cultured.”

A friend of mine didn’t pay his exorcist. He got repossessed.

A friend of mine is known for sweeping girls off their feet. He’s an extremely aggressive janitor.

A guy walks into a bar, and there’s a horse serving drinks. The horse asks, “What are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a horse tending bar before?” The guy says, “It’s not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.”

A guy walks into a bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, “What’s with the paper towel?” The pirate says, “Arrr! I’ve got a Bounty on me head!”

A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police ask him what happened, the shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”

Armed robbers—some say they’re a drain on society, but you’ve got to give it to them.

Barbers…you have to take your hat off to them.

Can February March? No, but April May!

Cooking out this weekend? Don’t forget the pickle. It’s kind of a big dill.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.

Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.

Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut!

Dad: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Son: No. What happened? Dad: The teacher woke him up.

Daughter: I have a lot of friends named Nathan. There’s Nathan Miller, Nathan Radcliff, Nathan Lewis… Me: When they are together, do you call them the United Nathans?

Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!

Did you hear about the aquatic sea mammals that escape

...That's the problem with my predictive keyboard: it's too easily lead!

A pun that will appeal to chemists and scholars of Latin. A bit niche?

After a long, difficult discussion they decided to call it a day.

Officer: The victims were found sacrificed on an altar made of antlers.

Detective: Dear God!

Officer: Most likely, yes…

I was buying new tires for my car. While I was discussing my options the person down the counter was flustered at the prices she was being offered. To this she loudly asked:

"I put the same ones on my husbands Jeep last year! What happened? Why are they so expensive?!"

To which I looked at over and loudly stated. "Inflation."

The guys behind the counter laughed. The rest of the room groaned out a chorus of dadjoke music that should have been filmed live in front of a studio audience.

Eat 38% of their ice cream.

I said, yes, there has to be some fortune teller who enjoys their work and makes decent money at it.

Mine was a hawk but I have an alter eagle

Brian says "I should go first, I will cox some interest out of them"

Neil says "Good idea. I will go in the middle and tyson things together"

Bill says "I will go last, because in the end is nye"

Of course they do, how else would we get number 2 pencils!

I told him my door is always open.

the difference is margarinal.

Let’s table this.

The best dad jokes are the ones the under 10's find funny and everyone else cringes at. But I've noticed a lot of 🔞 contributions which might be more suited in a post in a more appropriate sub?

Just a thought I had, so posted for discussion...

It Got Turned In

What's your favorite dad joke ever?