Directorates Puns

I don’t know what they meant, but..

Rumor has it, detectives said there was a dead giveaway.

The Tenton Quarantino wine mixer

His and hearse towels

You winsome, you lose some

to encourage everyone, he says “let’s get this road on the show”

“Atrium.”

“Bury him.”

“Cop here.”

“Outside.”

Despite his curtness, he encounters no resistance.

(Apologies for the bad physics joke.)

Christopher Noland

Ana1 Ana2

Because if speed had direction it would be called velocity

Tim Burrrr-ton

He had to re-hearse.

So I left broadway and I’m off to Hollywood!

A: Tentin Quarantino

They both say "cue Cumberbatch".

He told he had good news, my large raise I had submitted for had just been approved, I was so surprised I nearly lost control. He then called me back to tell me I'd also been promoted to store manager. I couldn't believe it I swerved again. I then got a call from the ceo who told me he wants me to be regional director, I lost it and ended up in a ditch. A cop asked what happened, I said I careered off the road.

Quentin Torrentino

It’s a take I’m willing to risk.

Producer: "I'm working on a new song and I would like it to feature a singing Ensemble! Do you know where I can find a singing ensemble?"

Director: "Don't you mean a choir?"

Producer: "Okay. Do you know I can acquire a singing ensemble?"

“That’s not a sandwich! That’s a wrap!”

She always left me on "Scene!"

The funeral director was asking us what we think Mum should wear in her casket.

Mum always loved to wear sarongs (fabric wraps that go around the torso and drape downward a bit like a long skirt would), so my uncle suggested that she wear a sarong in there.

The funeral director looked a bit confused, as did some of our family members, to which my uncle added:

"What's sarong with that?"

I started laughing like an idiot. He was proud of it too. The funeral director was rather shocked. We assured her, and our more proper relatives, that Mum would've absolutely loved the joke (which is very true).

His delivery was perfect. I'll never forget the risk he took. We sometimes recall the moment as a way help cushion the blows of the grieving process.

--Edit-- I appreciate the condolences. I'm doing well and the worst is behind me and my family. But thanks :)

--Edit-- Massive thanks for all the awards and kind words. And the puns! Love 'em.

My friend was promoted to a Director the other day. I congratulated him and asked if it felt more like Spielberg or Fury. I said Fury is the one I’d pick.

It was re-choired!

Tiiiiiimbeeeeer-ton

Stanley Cubic

I’m the new CIEIO

People are dying to take a ride in it.

(As told by my friend the funeral director?

>!A decoffinated cafe!<

Cut film to vent.

He's been made the CIEIO

"I’ve got you a job," says his agent. "That’s great," says the actor, what is it?" "Well," says his agent, "it’s a one-liner" "That’s okay," replies the actor, "I’ve been out of work for so long I’ll take anything. What’s the line?" "Hark, I hear the cannons roar!" says the agent. "I love it" says the actor "When’s the audition?" "Wednesday" says the agent.

Wednesday comes and the actor arrives at the audition. He marches on stage and shouts: "Hark, I hear the cannons roar!"

"Brilliant," says the director, "you’ve got the job. Be here 9 o’clock Saturday evening."

The actor is so happy he got the job that he goes on a major drinking session. He wakes up at 8:30 Saturday evening and runs to the theatre continually repeating his line; "Hark, I hear the cannons roar, hark, I hear the cannons roar, hark, I hear the cannons roar."

He arrives at the stage entrance, out of breath and is stopped by the guard. "Who the hell are you?" asks the guard. "I’m "Hark, I hear the cannons roar." "If you’re "hark I hear the cannons roar.", you’re late. Get up to makeup right now!"

So he runs up to makeup. "Who are you?" asks the makeup girl. "I’m "hark I hear the cannons roar."" "If you’re hark I hear the cannons roar", you’re late. Sit down here." And she applies the makeup. "Now quick, get down to the stage, you’re about to go on."

He dashes down to the stage. "Who are you?" asks the stage manager. "I’m "hark, I hear the cannons roar."" "You’re "hark, I hear the cannons roar?" Get out there, the curtain’s about to go up."

He tears onto the stage. The curtains rise, the house is full. Suddenly there is an almighty bang behind him, and the actor shouts "WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT?"

Mourn flakes

The head director!

Lately I've been watching a lot of Lord of the Rings. It started with watching the original versions after work to de-stress. Then I moved on to sneaking the Extended Editions. Recently, I started secretly hoarding the Director's cut versions. I think I may have a problem.

It's becoming hobbitual

They had to denominator.

I would walk into every room while giving tours with my arms outstretched, head tilted slightly upwards, eyes shining, just admiring the beauty of the space and then spin around slowly and proudly state, "And this? THIS is where the magic happens!"

One gets in real trouble, the other in reel trouble.

Fouchy!

Quinton Quarantino

Honestly, I couldn’t see the point.

Get the understudy, the shoe, must go on!

His name is Tentin’ Quarantino.

That's a wrap.

A♭ Minor

If it had direction, it would be called “Velocity”.

I’m the CIEIO