How much do dumplings weigh?

Wonton

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Datolite7
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2020
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I got tired of flipping the little switch on my rear view mirror to dim the headlights.

So I removed the whole mirror.

I haven’t looked back since.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThriveBrewing
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2018
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Why didn't the dim light bulb go to college

It wasn't very bright

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryanshort1309
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
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Last week, my friends and I ate way too much dim sum

We ate sum dim sum and den sum

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πŸ‘€︎ u/izzydoesizzy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2019
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Sum Dim Lai Ting
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Exos_VII
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2017
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I came second in a dumpling eating contest...

...you dim sum, you lose some.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Datolite7
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2020
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what do lightbulb scientist say to each other?

I have a bright idea

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πŸ‘€︎ u/87turtle
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2020
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Why were the pirate parents proud of their hardworking yet dim son, despite his lackluster report card?

Arr! He earned the seven C's.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/itim__office
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2018
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Damn, now he won't find out his fortune.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mtchllyng
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2018
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The lights in the Chinese restaurant were too bright

so I asked if they could dim sum.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
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This sub is really disappointing me lately.

I'm going to try the meatballs next time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Flamingturtle1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2016
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Why was the lightbulb kicked out of school?

He wasn't bright enough.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FrozenToaster17
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
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Could I get arrested for having purple flowers in my home?

I know that cops take a dim view of domestic violets.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spotted_Lady
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2019
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I'm glad I'm good at making musical puns

Otherwise I'd have some pretty dim innuendos.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IronFistHawlucha
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
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We also went to restaurants

"Hi. My name is Robert if you need anything."
"Great. What's your name if we don't need anything?"

Robert: "Would you like more soda, sir?"
Dad: "Yes. Please."
Robert takes the glass and walks away to refill it.
Dad: "That's less soda, not more!"

Me: "Let's get more [tortilla] chips."
Dad smashes the last chip into hundreds of pieces. "There. More chips."

Edit: When the lights in the restaurant are dimmed.
Dad: Uh oh! Prices just went up!
(Who ordered the ambiance?)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/damitws6
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2013
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What to do when your phone is too bright
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ollybritton
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2017
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I have been to an asian restaurant last night

The food was great, service was excellent. It was just rather dark in there. I'm not quite sure what the register displayed as the amount I needed to pay. It was a pretty dim sum.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ib0T
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
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I went for chinese food the other day, they got my order wrong and forgot my dumplings, but I got extra wontons for free.

You dim sum, you lose some.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/elSnorkden
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
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What do you call a Canadian coffee shop with the lights off?

Dim Horton!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WonderGamer6
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2019
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I dropped my Chinese dumpling on the floor, but I am not mad

You know what they say: You dim sum, you lose some.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ETwasMyFriend
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2019
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My brother-in-law took us to a bad Chinese restaurant...

He apologized profusely, but I just told him, "You dim sum, you lose some."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GrimmGryphon
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2019
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A typical Chinese conversation, probably

Person 1: I’d like it brighter Person 2: I’d like it dim sum

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bismuth482
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2019
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Brainstorming food/movie theme nights. It es-kale-lated quickly. Only thing in my Bumble profile now.

When Harry Met Salad

What About Ke-Bob

Cumin to America

Weekend at Bearneaise II

Steakin I, II, & III

A Few Good Salmon

You’ve Got Kale

Shawshank Re-Dim Sum

Romancing the Scone

An Γ‰clair to Remember

Roman Hollandaise

Glazed and Confused

Bill & Ted’s Eggcellent Adventure

The Evil Bread

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang Shrimp

Fondue the Right Thing

Ribeyes Wide Shut

Mignons

Plante of the Grapes

Spider Manchu

Sushis All That

A Wok to Remember

Marsala-la Land

Apocalypse Cow

Die Chard

Die Chard with a Vinaigrette

Hogan’s Gyros

The Sand Latkes

A League of their Macaroni

Revenge of the Curds

Rush S’More

Braising Arizona

Demolition Ham

10 Things I hate About Ewe

Saladin

Oliver and Com-penne

Dirty Rotten Chanterelles

Sex and the Satay

The Truth About Cats & Hotdogs

Morella Enchanted

Provolone Together

Clear and Pheasant Danger

The Big Chili

LΓ©mon: The Professional

Ava-Tartare

Hocous Pocous

High Fi-Deli Meat

Madagascargot

The Fifth Elementos

Muensters Inc.

There’s Something About Rosemary

I Am Ham

Quiche Lorraine Man

Barley & Me

Lentil Giants

Peggy SoufflΓ© Got Married

Face Stroganoff

Con GruyΓ©re

Fast Times at Porridgemont High

Bok Choys in the Hood

Papillonion

Requinoa for a Dream

Serial Cardamom

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kat_fogg
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2019
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My first legit dadjoke

Our daughter is four months old.

The other day while my wife and I are laying in bed and she's trying to sleep while I am still redditing:

Her: can you dim your phone? It's bright Me: well, it is a smart phone, after all

I giggled, she sighed. I'm so proud

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πŸ‘€︎ u/onetoomanyclicks
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2015
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Have you ever noticed how dark it is inside most Chinese restaurants?

I’m not sure what they do to the lights but I think they dim some

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πŸ‘€︎ u/timmypandas
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2018
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Learn Chinese in 5 min

LEARN CHINESE IN 5 MINUTES (You MUST read them out loud or it doesnt make as much sense)...

  1. Thats not right........ Sum Ting Wong
  2. Are you harboring a fugitive................... Hu Yu Hai Ding
  3. See me ASAP............. Kum Hia Nao
  4. Stupid Man...................... Dum Fuk
  5. Small horse... Tai Ni Po Ni
  6. Did you go to the beach?... Wai Yu So Tan
  7. I bumped in to a coffee table... Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
  8. I think you need a face lift... Chin Tu Fat
  9. It's very dark in here... Wao So Dim
  10. I thought you were on a diet... Wai Yu Mun Ching
  11. This is a tow away zone... No Pah King
  12. staying out of sight... Lei Ying Lo
  13. He's cleaning his automobile... Wa Shing Ka
  14. Your body odor is offensive... Yu Stin Ki Pu
  15. Great... Fa Kin Su Pah
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πŸ‘€︎ u/edg0023
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2018
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I went to Chinatown today, but there were too many bright lights.

So I asked them to dim sum.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fatandsalt
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2018
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Do you think Chinese food has gotten darker?

Maybe its just dim sum

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drolicheck
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2018
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Puns for Kids

The funniest and shortest puns for kids, you always remember while teaching children puns, try to choose the short ones because they are easy for them to remember and register.

Puns for Kids

Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!


What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon!


Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.


What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room? Odor in the court!


Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.


Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.


The streets in the capital of Afghanistan are paved with Kabulstones.


How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you.


What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An egg roll!


No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.


Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken!


What musical is about a train conductor? β€œMy Fare, Lady”.


A man drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.


What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.


What animals are on legal documents? Seals!


Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny!


Why did the bumble bee leave the house? It heard the school was having a spelling bee.


Being struck by lightning is really a shocking experience!


How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans!


Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!


Dockyard: A physician’s garden.


What did the angry mother say to the boiling pot of spaghetti? Simmer down!


The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.


β€œWhat’s purple and 5000 miles long?” β€œOoh! I know! The Grape Wall of China!”


Every calendar’s days are numbered.


This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. β€œFour bucks,” says the bartender. β€œPut it on my bill.”


I used to be twins. My mother has a picture of me when I was two.


What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch!


When does a well-dressed lion look like a weed? When he’s a dandelion (dandy lion).


Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a-salted.


A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2017
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Just spent about 5 minutes searching for the sunglasses I didn't realize I was wearing.

The day was starting to look dim.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/the-bloodless
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2018
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A husband goes home from work... (xpost r/Jokes)

...to find his house with the lights dimmed down and candles surrounding the bed in the bedroom. He finds his wife there, laying abroad with sexy panties and a pink bra, and her bangs covering her left eye. She smiles. "Tonight," she says. "Is going to be the sexiest and most passionate night of your life, sweetie." The husband smiles as his wife gets up and unties his tie for him, and unbuckles his pants. He can't wait. "Lets try role playing." she says. "I'll be your slutty little daughter, and you'll be my father who needs to teach me... discipline..." He grins widely, liking where this is going. His wife grabs him and pulls him down to the bed. She whispers in his ear. "I'm so horny..." The husband enjoys this and decides to follow along with the role playing. He then whispers back in her ear. "Hi, horny. I'm dad."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PatyMac
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2014
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So a guy walks into a bar...

.. The bar is dimly lit, and he sees no one in sight. Then he hears a voice: "Hey good lookin'" Just then, the bartender comes around the corner, "Hello, sir. How are you today?" "I'm doing great, but I swear I just heard a voice..?" "Oh, those are the peanuts. They're complimentary."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/laythepipe
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2013
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Chinese Food conversation with family

So my sister, Sister-in-law, and brother were sitting in the kitchen talking about their favorite Chinese Food. My sister said her favorite was Dim Sum, after a long conversation pertaining the contents of Dim Sum and all the various things you could have in it "Sweet, Salty, Veggies," etc etc I walked past the kitchen and stated

"and Dim Sum"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/need2noh
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2013
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My punny Asian restaurant

If I had an Asian restaurant, it would either be called 'Sum Ting Good' or 'Asian Food and Dim Sum.'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GenYDaily
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2014
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Dad joke at play practice

At play rehearsal we were blocking out a scene, the director explained during this particular scene the lights on one portion of the stage would dim to highlight the two with solos. One cast member asked, "When the lights go dim on us, do we freeze?" one of the older fellows in the cast cut in, "No, we'll still have the heat on." Loved it.

Edit: play rehearsal

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KaleDavid
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2013
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So I dadjoked my mom yesterday while out shopping

Mom: your aunt says that Chinese food place is the best in town. She said they have the best dim sum in town, but I doubt it, she doesn't know good Chinese food.

Me: you dim sum you lose sum

Silence as eyes rolled

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trentonanthony
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2014
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Came up with this beauty on a business trip to the far East.

Q: How do Hong Kongers cozy up? A: They dim some.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/carignanboy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2015
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Dad asked for bar recommendations

My dad is visiting the city I live next week and asked me for some recommendations. I said there is one bar that I really like that is very dimly lit and has stone walls, so I recommended it but said in a lack of being able to think of a better adjective, that it was kinda "cellar-y". He said thanks, but he prefers his bar experiences to be more carroty.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cheese_incarnate
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2014
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Friend's dad dropped this one on us

Going to get donuts after Japanese food:

"Hey, if we end up not getting Krispy Kreme, you dim sum, you lose some"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/B3stAr0und
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2014
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I'm glad I'm good at making musical puns

Otherwise I'd have some pretty dim innuendos.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IronFistHawlucha
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
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