He's a loo tenant.
I don’t need this shit.
I'm not usually one for bars, but since the smoking ban in Illinois, they're not so bad. I'm not much of a drinker either, but this one place in particular offers free soft drinks for designated drivers of groups of three or more. You have to get them from a location separate from the bartender. You declare yourself upon entering the place, then your hand is marked, and from that point, you're not allowed alcohol, but you get the free soft drinks.
Their specialty is their own brand of a mixed fruit drink that's really good. It's popular enough that you're usually standing behind six or seven people to wait your turn. So, Saturday night, while I'm waiting for mine, this cute blonde walks up behind me. I figured I'd try to be witty and asked her, "Can I buy you a drink?"
She scowled at me with, "Well aren't you the funny one?"
"What's with the attitude?" I asked her.
"Sorry," she said. "It's them." And she thumbed toward a table with (would you believe it?) a brunette and a redhead.
"Why?" I asked. "What'd they do?"
"I'm just getting sick of it," she said. "Every time we come here, it's always me in the punch line."
I just can't seem to think of any good ones :-(. Best I got is:
Sign Waves
Sign(2Ply)
Knot on wood
Ideas?
...they go to Hellvetica.
No ballroom .
Spiders.
This doesn’t happen with pigeons, though. This is because a coo sticks
He couldn’t get over it.
Let that sink in.
So when the boss wanted to make it larger, they had to elongate it.
Reptile
With a Rasta
They are always bragging about their designer jeans
GooCheese
He said "Brochure"
She said “Adele was a good person to work for, but we had problems with her computer desk. I put it on one side of the room, and Adele got pretty angry.”
She said Adele replied “No! I want to play Halo from the other side”
That well escalated quickly!
I've used it before and it works. It's the perfect icebreaker.
He was later awarded the Nobel prize
They spent a lot of thyme on it, but now it's mint.
This is because of a-coo-sticks.
Mannequin Skywalker
Once upon a time there were numerous tribes in a jungle. Each tribe struggled to survive, and over time and as skills evolved, tribes began to trade goods with each other. One tribe learned the skills of architecture, and traded designs for safe grass houses with neighboring tribes for other necessities, such as food. Over time, the tribe grew quite rich, and without the need for goods the chief of the tribe demanded payment in the form of a tribute, an ornate throne. Over time the number of thrones the chief owned grew more and more numerous, so he had a great multi-story grass house built to store all of his thrones. One day, the weight of the thrones became so much the house collapsed, killing the chief. The moral of the story is… wait for it…
He who lives in grass houses shouldn’t stow thrones.
He was Claus-trophobic 🎅
We all knew that at some point, we’d have to discuss the LA font in the room.
They are SAD
Coop Deville
1: it has to be a CompSci engineer, judging by the brain’s complexity
2: you’re wrong, it was a Mechanics engineer, look at the muscle and skeleton systems working as one
3: you’re both wrong, it was an Urban Planner, otherwise waste and entertainment areas wouldn’t be adjacent.
But I think he's built it up too much.
I call it the Boing 747
Why, zebra, of course!
He tried to take a month off
...And It's Disguising.
There’s no left turns so it’s alright alright alright.
But I've no concrete plans yet.
I work for a flooring company and my boss asked me to design some merch. He asked for a flooring pun I could put on a T Shirt. Any ideas??
When they asked him about it, he said he didn’t have the foggiest idea.
I don’t need this shit.
