What part of a syringe is the most dependant of the other parts?

The need-le.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Pdonkey
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 27 2019
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Can I claim an Eastern European exchange student as a dependent to reduce my income below the phaseout threshold?

I’m hoping to get a stimulus Czech.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 22
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CombatCarlsHand
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 31 2021
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If you become seriously depressed, try drinking a gallon of water just before you go to bed.

That will give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 28 2021
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What is the most co-dependent of all the pastas?

Cannelloni

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PiousZenLufa
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 30 2020
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Our city’s main reservoir leaked and now water supply is dependent on a network of bores

Which to be honest I think is a pretty mean way to refer to our city council, however dull they may be.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/lukeurmyson
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 25 2020
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A dependable friend :)
πŸ‘οΈŽ 38
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/gaeboomering
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 12 2020
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Why can't you depend on crustaceans?

They're shellfish.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 18
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/oneidamojo
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 10 2020
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Depending on your golf handicap you can move your tee forwards or backwards

Move it too far forward and it becomes a birdie tee.

Too far back and it becomes a bogey tee

Get it just right?

Now that's a party.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SorryForTheRainDelay
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 02 2020
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Expensive balloons
πŸ‘οΈŽ 2k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/HeWhoHonks
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 02 2020
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Why are calculators so dependable?

Because you can always count on them

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Talon184
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 03 2019
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Is life worth living ?

It depends upon the liver.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/cyborg_robot
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 28 2021
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My wife and I were shopping for clothes at the department store when she asked, "Do you prefer boxers or briefs?"

I replied, "Depends."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Mano_Trueno
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 31 2020
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My grandpa grew up during the depression, as a result, he never threw anything away.

He died in the war, holding a hand grenade.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 870
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DinglebarryHandpump
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 19 2020
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Do you know where I store all my dad jokes?

In a dad-a--base

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ht-18
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 22 2020
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A man decides to fulfill his lifelong dream of owning a horse, and goes to a local breeder

Not having much knowledge of the animals, he asks the owner to show him around and tell him about different breeds. "Sure, let's go," says the owner, and brings him over to the paddocks.

"So a lot depends on what you want the animal for," he says, and gestures to a powerful stallion running laps. "Over there, you've got your Type A horse: strong, fast, and a little unpredictable, but great if you want to get somewhere in a hurry."

"I think that'd be a little much for me," the man says, and the owner nods, then brings him over to see a mare quietly chomping at some hay in the shade. "This is a Type B horse - tends to be quiet and they're good companions, but not much for doing work."

The man pauses to think about what he wants the animal for, then looks over at a nearby pond and sees a horse swimming and diving over and over again. "What the heck is that one doing?" he asks the owner. "Oh, him? That's a C horse."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 259
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DweadPiwateWoberts
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 25 2020
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Lazy Christmas morning, my wife is looking at the weather, says there will be periods of rain today.

I say, Damn! Do they make a pad for that? Without a pause, she says: Depends

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/flylink63
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 25 2020
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This just happened like 2 minutes ago and my dad is creased at himself

My mam saw a channel on the telly called the Deja Vu channel so she asked my dad what it was.

He replied with β€˜I’m not sure but I swear I’ve seen it before’

He’s now pissing himself laughing and mam doesn’t get it

πŸ‘οΈŽ 154
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SqueakyHalloumiFry
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 17 2020
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Why are horses such consistent and dependable voters ?

They always vote "Neigh".

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SunsetDonuts
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 20 2019
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How do you make holy water?

You boil the hell out of it.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 25
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Scottdavies86
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 29 2020
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Is it appropriate to call a sitting president diaperdon?

Depends

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/holymolybreath
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 27 2020
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If Santa had any kids, that would make them dependent clauses.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/FabuPineapple
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 16 2019
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If you kayak with a cap on and the kayak capsizes, whether or not the cap falls off depends on the cap size
πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Byumbyum
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 04 2019
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My kid just told me I looked different with my glasses on

I thought that was the whole point of them.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 104
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thumbtackthief
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 01 2020
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How many degrees does a circle have?

Depends on how long it’s been in school.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/turbo8891
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 06 2020
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Where do Squirrels go during Hurricanes?

It depends on which direction the wind is blowing.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/dennyitlo
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 05 2020
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The work on Big Ben is meant to take 3 years.

That's a long time considering they're working around the clock.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/mrfantastic123r
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 18 2019
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At the height of my lunacy, I would dig in my lawn like my life depended on it.

It's all well now.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/_Veni
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 29 2018
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The other day somebody asked me if I liked the office

I told them It depends on how much work I have pending

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Finikkin
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 01 2020
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Cutting in front of a Volkswagen on the highway

more like en passat

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/robotreader
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 29 2020
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What's a cavern?

Depends on the calves job.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Wage_slave
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 06 2020
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Mask Jokes

Me: Your mask looks like a diaper

Him: It's very comfortable though.

Me: Like Huggies comfortable or Pampers?

Him: It Depends....

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/sethg4
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 18 2020
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How does poop keep track of it’s thoughts and feelings?

Diary-uh or a log. Depends how sappy...

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Jewbillystein
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 01 2020
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I tried to catch fog once,

I mist

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CarpeSkiem
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
"Hey Superman, are you a part of a gang?"

"Several, actually, depending on the day. I'm a kryptonight."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/zombie-narwhals
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 09 2020
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I was telling my friend Ted about a drug dependent acquaintance, who always comes off as rude. I told my friend:

β€œHe is a dick, Ted.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Inkuu
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 25 2017
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How many peaches are in these two cans?

Depends on how much those toucans eat

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/cassious64
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 06 2020
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What US state won't ever have to wear Depends^TM when it gets old?

Hawai'i - because it's not incontinent /original?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AbelianCommuter
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 30 2017
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If you see a crime at an apple store....

Does that make you an iWitness

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/liverpool135
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 16 2020
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How do you know if a dog is male or female?

Stroke its head.

If he wags his tail, it's male.

If she wags her tail, it's female.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/pur__0_0__
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 11 2020
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What kind of shoes are best for sneaking around in?

Leather ones, because they’re made of Hide.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 49
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Reverend_Giggles
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 13 2020
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What's Bill Clinton's favorite hiding spot?

In the Bushs

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SgtHedgehog
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 25 2020
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Normal is just the same as average...

So if thats true then depending on where you are you would be of an average race, have average hair, etc.

And going down from that, alot of people have the same name, making certain names normal or "average".

What im saying is, thats a really complicated way to find the average Joe.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/superdolmiosauce
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 06 2020
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What genre is the national anthem?

Country

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JaggedOnomatomania
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 22 2020
🚨︎ report

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