A woman brings her ferret in for an exam today. When I went into the room, a second ferret poked its head out of her bag. In delighted surprise I exclaimed βoh you have two!β
And she responded, βyes, I am a small business ownerβ
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︎ Feb 07 2023
A research expert says dad jokes aren't just delightful, they're great for child development
Keep up the good work guys!
https://www.upworthy.com/dad-jokes-may-help-with-child-development
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︎ Apr 04 2023
Did you know that laughing out loud is illegal in Hawaii?
You have to keep it down to a low ha.
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︎ Jun 23 2023
Sign me up!
π︎ 7k
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︎ Mar 18 2023
Delighted to say I've finally got a new job installing mirrors!
Nothing fancy, but was something I could always see myself doing.
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︎ Apr 24 2021
No, we don't do that here
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︎ Mar 10 2023
My wife asked why I didn't wish her a "Happy International Woman's Day"
I said..."You're a domestic woman, not international"
Actual conversation I had - met with a delightful eyeroll and groan.
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︎ Mar 08 2023
Doesn't shock me...
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︎ Feb 18 2023
My campanologist friend is delighted with his new instrument, even though itβs so heavy he can barely lift it.
I think itβs a dumb bell.
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︎ Oct 12 2022
Imagine my delight yesterday when my 6yr old told me her new teacher's name is Mrs Watt.
Cue about 10mins of me asking "What's her name?"
And her saying "Mrs Watt"
"I don't know, you tell me, what's her name?"
"Mrs Watt"
"What?"
"Yes"
"What's her name?"
"Mrs Watt"
...
...
...
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︎ Feb 02 2022
Friend had a house party years ago, we took out all the light bulbs and hid them in a cupboard after he went to bed.
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︎ Mar 28 2023
Tried to bring my saber tooth tiger on a plane
They said it was too heavy for the weight limit for animals but I said nonsense heβs a light saber!
And thatβs my contribution to Star Wars day!
(Queue the boos!)
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︎ May 04 2023
A burglar broke into our house last night and stole all of the light bulbs
I should be upset, but I'm delighted.
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︎ Jun 09 2023
Not a joke, a request for Lee jokes
Not a dad joke but need a joke for a dad-ish person. Iβve got a thing going with an older guy (sounds weird), heβs more of a father figure. Called Lee.
We have a running joke where I called him UgerLee, CautiousLee, WheeLeebin and his second favourite, FamiLee with his favourite so far has being AnaLee
Any beaters?
Edit: he loved the jokes people have put and some more I did, then he said he wished he had been there more in my life (aww, sad face), then I said, βyeah me too, but not homosexuLeeβ so now we have a new one to beat.
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︎ May 05 2023
I was so surprised when someone told me my front and rear lights had been stolen
There was no indication whatsoever
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︎ Apr 20 2023
When people find out Iβm not a very good electricianβ¦
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︎ Mar 28 2023
When you reflect too much,
all the light bounces right off you stopping you from having a deLIGHTful sleep.
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︎ May 26 2023
Hip Hop Restaurant Menu items! Go!!
π︎ 4k
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︎ Jul 04 2022
I called the electric company to ask when my power would be back on.
They said, βCurrentlyβ.
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︎ Mar 06 2023
(Devil may cry) what does Vergil eat when he feels motivated?
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︎ May 25 2023
Somebody stole all my lamps
I couldnβt be more delighted.
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︎ Mar 25 2023
We would be delighted if you paid your power bill,
but if you don't, you will be.
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︎ Nov 01 2021
I had the great privilege of speaking with the mother of the metric system.
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︎ Apr 05 2023
Red sky at night, shepherds delight.
Blue sky at night.....Day ?
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︎ Feb 09 2022
I was asked what I keep at the back of the wardrobe
I said it was Narnia business
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︎ Feb 26 2023
In Ancient Rome, there where 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, & III would all kill you with varrying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
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︎ Oct 14 2022
I've built up a business building yachts in my attic.
I'm delighted to say...sales are going through the roof
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︎ Feb 28 2023
Nice, you got your ears lowered.
It was a long over due hair cut.
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︎ Aug 21 2022
Do you know where they keep all the extra belly buttons?
In the naval reserve of course.
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︎ Aug 02 2022
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︎ Jan 09 2020
My six-year-old daughter just delighted me with a completely original pun: What do you call it when you have to go inside at the end of the day?
π︎ 1k
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︎ Mar 29 2015
Frilled? He looks delighted!
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︎ Mar 23 2019
Where do rainbows go when they commit a crime?
to prism
for a light sentence
π︎ 3k
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︎ Jul 07 2022
Power outages delight me.
π︎ 74
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︎ Nov 22 2018
I invented a new myth to delight my kids
There once was a greedy ore mining magnate who wished that everything he touched would turn into iron. He was careful to always wear gloves except when making huge loads of ore, except for one day when a mosquito landed on his knee. Not thinking, the magnate slapped his leg with his exposed hand. His knee immediately became metallic and the sudden change to his blood pressure caused almost instantaneous death.
Later in the morgue the Coroner noted that it was a classic example of situational iron knee.
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︎ May 27 2020
My dog ate a string of christmas lights. Thankfully, the vet was able to remove them...
He said my dog was delighted!
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︎ Dec 05 2022
From my 13yo daughter this morning: βWhat did the Christmas tree say when dad took it to the curb?β
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︎ Jan 15 2023
A man walks into his home to find out that all of his lamps have been stolen!
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︎ Oct 17 2022
When baby delights, and pitch of voice increases
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︎ Sep 18 2017
The man was absolutely delighted when somebody stole all of his lights!
π︎ 5
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︎ Apr 01 2019
The Christmas tree looks a lot happier now I've taken the decorations off.
You could say it's delighted.
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︎ Jan 05 2023
A man entered his home and was absolutely delighted.
Someone had stolen every lamp in his home.
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︎ Sep 06 2018
A burglar stole all my lamps.
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︎ Apr 24 2023
Someone stole all my lamps.
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︎ Dec 31 2022
A burglar stole all my lamps
I should be upset but Iβm just delighted
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︎ Feb 09 2023
Thieves broke into my house last night. I'm delighted.
π︎ 4
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︎ Feb 06 2021
A burglar came into my house and stole all my lamps
I should be more upset, but I'm absolutely delighted
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︎ Nov 25 2022
Red sky at night, shepherd's delight.
π︎ 8
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︎ Sep 26 2020
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