D&D pun
๐︎ 29
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︎ Dec 04 2019
The Beastie Boys announced an upcoming, 5-part anthology collection. You can get parts A, B, C, & D for free.
But you gotta fight for your right to Part E.
๐︎ 12k
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︎ Jul 28 2022
a-b-c-d-e-f-g...
WATER p-q-r-s-t-u-v-w-x-y-z
๐︎ 10k
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︎ Jul 01 2022
In honor of Pride Month, and me officially coming out to my family, Iโd like to make a gay joke
But my parents already did ๐คช
๐︎ 7k
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︎ Jun 09 2022
Found out my wife is cheating on me today. When I asked when sheโd be home she said โ10-15 minutes maxโ
My name is Stephenโฆ ๐
๐︎ 7k
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︎ May 07 2022
My daughter is making a dungeon for her D&D groupโฆ
Itโs set on a mountaintop, with platforms built on the sides for tents and shops and the like. I asked if they had one for milking cows, since that would be ledge-and-dairy.
๐︎ 44
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︎ Aug 10 2022
I was arguing with a flat-earther the other day, and he stormed off, saying how heโd show me the edge of the Earth.
Iโm sure heโll come around.
๐︎ 128
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︎ Jul 17 2022
Iโd really love to tell a dad joke.
But without any children myself, Iโd also hate to commit a faux pa.
๐︎ 40
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︎ Aug 03 2022
Seeing shirtless James Bond in earlier movies, youโd think heโs fromโฆ
๐︎ 49
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︎ Jul 17 2022
Iโd tell a joke about raising animals for food butโฆ
๐︎ 4
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︎ Aug 15 2022
my wife asked if iโd seen the dog bowl
i said โi never knew he didโ
๐︎ 37
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︎ Jul 26 2022
If I was going to ask someone to marry me, Iโd propose in an elevator
so I could say I want to take our relationship to the next level
๐︎ 5k
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︎ Mar 26 2022
I was visiting my hillbilly relatives and they told me, in my honor, theyโd be serving Himalayan rabbit stew for dinnerโฆ.I said โsounds fancy and exotic, where did you get the rabbit?
Ma said it werenโt no big deal, โthey found Himalayan on the road out front!โ
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︎ Aug 09 2022
My wife didnโt think Iโd give our daughter a silly name but...
๐︎ 231
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︎ Jul 02 2022
My teachers always told me Iโd never amount to anything if I always procrastinate
Iโll show them, just you wait!
๐︎ 42
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︎ Aug 08 2022
Iโd tell a joke about wanting to have a baby butโฆ
It hasnโt been conceived yet.
๐︎ 5
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︎ Aug 07 2022
David Hasselhoff decided heโd rather just be known as โHoffโ.
Much less hassle that way.
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︎ Jun 12 2022
The poor cow could swear heโd lived this moment beforeโฆ
He knew he was experiencing Deja Moo.
๐︎ 3
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︎ Aug 01 2022
Iโd tell an inappropriate bowling joke butโฆ
Iโll spare you the punchline since I donโt have the balls to do it.
๐︎ 13
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︎ Jul 01 2022
If I had to rank my favorite types of mints, Iโd rank peppermint first
And Washington D.C. last.
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︎ Jul 24 2022
My wife is mad at me. She asked if Iโd seen her belt around the house
I asked her if it really fit around the house
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︎ Jul 31 2022
Iโd tell my enemy a joke about a hatchetโฆ
๐︎ 3
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︎ Aug 04 2022
I work as a janitor and my boss said heโd fire me if I didnโt stop turning everything into an R.E.M parody.
I said โWell thatโs pee in the cornerโฆโ
๐︎ 7
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︎ Jul 09 2022
Vampires suck your blood to get vitamin D, because they can not be out in the sun.
Have you ever thought about that?
No, because all you think about is yourself.
๐︎ 908
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︎ Mar 17 2022
Back in the 80:s I was playing DnD with my friends. There was a sudden knock on the door.
I opened it hesitantly. Outside was a creature from a twisted world. With a screach it sounded: โHave you heard of the teachings of Joseph Smith?โ. It was the Dema-Mormon
๐︎ 7
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︎ Jun 21 2022
Last night, the maรฎtre d' refused to seat me just because I was wearing a tank top.
What happened to my right to bare arms?
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︎ Jul 01 2022
I told my wife sheโd never make it in mime school.
Sheโs been giving me the silent treatment ever since.
๐︎ 13
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︎ Jun 20 2022
Iโd tell a joke about moving to a new house butโฆ
It hasnโt been unpacked yet.
๐︎ 3
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︎ Jul 23 2022
I asked my wife if I was the only one sheโd been with
She said absolutely! All the others were nines and tens
๐︎ 389
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︎ Apr 16 2022
If Gary Gygax saw the current state of D&D
He would be rolling in his grave.
๐︎ 20
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︎ Jun 28 2022
Lots of guys arenโt too happy with getting a โdad bodโ eventually in life. But Iโd say im pretty excited for it.
Because itโs the closest thing Iโm gonna get to having a father figure in my life.
๐︎ 16
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︎ Jun 28 2022
My wife told me Iโd never make a car out of spaghetti
You should have seen her face when I drove pasta.
๐︎ 10
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︎ Jul 08 2022
I told my son Iโd built a model of the Himalayas. โTo scale?โ, he asked.
โNo, just to look atโ
๐︎ 1k
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︎ Mar 16 2022
Iโd tell you a time travel joke
๐︎ 68
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︎ May 08 2022
We faced a group of zombies on a hill. D&D
I looked to my friends and said "We should leave, it's dead up here"
During the game I also found ample opportunity to use a Blackadder joke-
Me: my dad was a nun
Group: gives me a weird look
Friend: turns to me, thinks im serious how was your dad a nun?
Me: whenever he stood I'm court the judge would ask "occupation" and he'd say "none"
I was told to shut up ๐ ๐คฃ ๐
๐︎ 4
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︎ Jul 08 2022
When pausing Avengers (Infinity War) halfway through, my spouse asked when Iโd want to finish the movieโฆ
โฆ to which I responded, โAvengetually.โ
๐︎ 6
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︎ Jun 14 2022
I thought Iโd start in the gator hunting business
But first I wanted to run it bayou.
๐︎ 16
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︎ Jun 12 2022
Whatโd one astronaut say to the other after landing on the moon?
This is even crater than I imagined
๐︎ 5
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︎ Jul 03 2022
We make fun of my grandfather for getting a PhD in Geography
Giving a world-class doctor a third degree burn.
๐︎ 10
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︎ May 28 2022
Ainu Iโd eventually find people who pronounced my name right.
๐︎ 5
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︎ May 05 2022
The Beastie Boys are releasing a 5 part anthology. Parts A-D are free.
You gotta fight for your right to part E.
๐︎ 56
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︎ Jun 16 2022
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